Telling Stories

If I really want to get a point across to someone, usually I will try to find a way to do so without "attacking" them head on.  Why?  Because it is human nature to argue!  So if, for example, I hold up a pen and say to you "this is the best pen in the world!" your conscious mind will probably start from the premise that it is not the best pen in the world and will then look for all the negative reasons that prove this.  It would be an unusual person who accepted the statement at face value and then looked for the positive reasons to justify this stand.

One of the best ways of doing this is by telling a story.  2,000 years ago in Palestine there was a story teller who really understood this principle and used it to best advantage.  Most Christians will recognize, for example, the story of the Good Samaritan.  This story encapsulates some powerful moral principles.  It is much easier for the listener to absorb those principles by listening to the story than it is by hearing someone lecture them on the need to help those around us no matter how different they may be from us.  In fact, you could argue that a large percentage of the Bible consists of stories that convey moral, ethical and spiritual messages.  Those messages usually pass under the radar of our conscious mind, which might otherwise try to argue, and instead lodge directly in our subconscious, instilling in us the uplifting traits they illustrate.

This is true not just of Christianity, but of most religions.  The concept goes back far more than 2,000 years.  From the time humans gathered together for mutual benefit there have always been story tellers, and they are usually held in high regard.  In the best examples the stories they tell, again, pass on spiritual truths to their listeners, but in a non-confrontational and unpatronizing way.

Parents of young children will probably agree that they tell stories on a daily basis to their children, and it is very likely they choose at least some of those stories to illustrate some important lessons.  Perhaps, for example, the fables of Aesop.

You can use this method to change the negative aspects of someone's behaviour if you do it carefully.  This is especially the case when they are doing something wrong without having thought through the consequences or without really meaning to do so.  A very wise work colleague taught me this technique.  He said when that happens, tell a story to that person about someone having done whatever that wrong thing might be and the consequences that resulted.  Add into it how different things would have been if only they had behaved in a different way.  Tell it as if it were a tale of something that actually happened to you or to someone you know.  When this is done carefully, the person you are talking with will not realize what is happening.  They will not consciously know they are the "hero" of the story.  Their defences will therefore not be up and they will listen properly and often agree with you about how bad this was and how the person concerned should have acted differently.  But although consciously they do not know what is happening, and therefore do not resist, subconsciously they get the message.  Very often you will find that just this one little story will do a lot of good in changing the person's behaviour.

Just as you can use the story telling method to change someone else, so you can use it to change yourself.  It is an extremely powerful technique.  Gather together some of the world's best literature and see if you can find some stories which have underlying strong moral, ethical and spiritual messages.  Obviously a good place to start is with the religious writings of your own religion - or perhaps of a number of religions if, like me, you have an open mind on religion.  You don't have to be a member of a particular religion, or even of any religion, to benefit from its stories in this way.  Concentrate particularly on the writings that contain stories.  A Hindu example is the Ramayana - the Tamil version written in English by R K Narayan which is a wonderful introduction to this epic.  As a Sufi example, try some of the marvellous works of Sayed Idries Shah - for example "Tales of the Dervishes", or "The Pleasantries of the Incredible Mulla Nasrudin".  The Midrash and the Talmud are full of enlightening stories, as, of course, is the Bible.

Once you get into the habit of looking for inspiring literature in this way you will find it can really change your life.  Not only spiritually, but also in all other aspects of your life, including even financially.  Check out some of the fairy tales and other folk stories that abound - but take care, as not all are intended to convey teachings you may wish to imbibe!

One very good example of this is a rather quirky adult fairy tale by Charlotte Pingriff, called "Mr Happy".  Read this and you will find the message of living a happier life will pass underneath the mental barriers all adults put up, and your life will change in subtle but important ways.  If you want to be happier, I strongly suggest you give this one a try, testing out what I have said here at the same time as creating a happier life for yourself.

PS, the above links are US sources.  If you prefer UK sources, here are some more links for you:

• Aesop's Fables
• Ramayana - the Tamil version written in English by R K Narayan
• Tales of the Dervishes
• The Pleasantries of the Incredible Mulla Nasrudin
• Talmud
• Bible (NIV)
• Mr Happy

Conquer the "Beauty Ideal" Villain!

by

Charlotte Pingriff

After a recent relaunch, my business, Perfectly Cast, is now all about something that I find hugely important – helping ladies to develop a positive body image.  So, I thought I’d write this article about that notorious villain, the beauty ideal, and the ways in which I feel ladies can stick 2 fingers up to the notion that they have to fit this ‘ideal’.

Beauty ideals have been around since Adam was a lad, but there’s no denying that there’s more pressure than ever on women today.  We are bombarded, daily, with images of what the media, our apparent mirror to society, believes is beautiful.  Now it’s not my intention for this article to be political in any way, no.  My aim, through this article, is try to discredit the myth of ‘the beauty ideal’ and to help ladies everywhere to get it into perspective, and, most importantly, feel better about themselves.

First let me tell you a story.  Once upon a time there was a young girl.  She was slightly chubby (puppy weight), wore big, thick, plastic framed glasses, and was a model student.  Her family told her she was beautiful and clever, mean kids told her otherwise.  Four eyes, and square were regular taunts.  Upsetting though it was, this was part of daily life.  She looked at beautiful women on TV, and in magazines, and though her young mind was not yet fully affected by crippling self-doubt, constant comparisons to ‘the ideal’, and superficial self-esteem issues, it soon would be.  It would soon become a demon that she would battle daily. One she would only defeat through sheer will, and some ninja mind moves.

That girl was me.  I’m a women who has run the gauntlet of body, and self esteem, issues.  I love clothes, shoes, beauty treatments, and make-up as much as the next girl, but it’s crucial to me that I accept my body, quirks and all, and that I do all I can to feel positive and good about myself in a healthy way.  This is something that has not come easily, and I still have off days.  So I can relate, and empathise with, ladies who feel the pressure to constantly compare themselves to the fictional creatures they see on TV, in magazines, and on social media.  I say fictional for a reason, I’ll come to that in a moment.  Add to that the misogynistic attitude cultivated by lads mags, lap dancing clubs, music videos and online porn, and you have one explosive mix! 

This is a very complex topic, and one that can’t be fully addressed in one article, but I want to do my best to condense it into a few key truths, and pieces of advice, that may just help ladies to see things in a better light.

If I had to give one piece of advice, it would be to remember that even those women that you idolise, likely have their own issues and insecurities.  I know that sounds obvious, but we tend to forget.  That said, it’s not really about those women, per say, it’s about how you feel about those women.  Which leads on to my second major point – please remember that these women have very carefully cultivated images.  They have a huge team around them, and countless thousands of dollars, and a huge time investment, to enable them to look that way.  On top of the endless hard work/money, they put in, it’s worth reminding yourself that it’s not their natural state.  Even those women don’t look like those women.  I don’t say that to run them down, but rather to point out that the media ideal is not real.  It’s all smoke and mirrors!  That is why I refer to them as fictional creatures.  Cindy Crawford once famously said that she’d love to look like Cindy Crawford.  Of course, it can’t be denied, that some have been smiled down on by the gods of genetics more than others, but you can bet your bottom dollar that without all the money, time, and professionals, these ladies would look like you or I.  On the flipside, you or I could look like these women with all that malarkey in our lives!

This leads me neatly onto my next point.  Try to avoid your comparison triggers.  You know the ones; the images, situations and ideals that make you feel crappy.  Whether that be your boyfriend’s lads mag, Googling celebs, or reading fashion mags.  If it makes you feel rubbish, and you find yourself creating negative comparisons, cease and desist!  Why make yourself feel worse?  I was the one for doing that, I was always at it!  And I’m telling you ladies, it doesn’t help.  Of course you can’t always avoid all the things that can make you feel rubbish, but if you at least try to actively avoid them, not only will it increase your non-comparison ratio, it will also help you to build a better sense of self, that will help when you do come into contact with your comparison nemesis’.   

Now how about this - pick yourself a positive role model.  One who is confident, sassy, and workin’ it girlfriend!  I can’t pull off the urban chat can I?  If it helps, pick yourself a role model who’s like you – for example, if you’re 5ft nothing, and curvy, don’t choose a 6ft tall, reed thin celeb to look up to!  Though societal pressure is greater than ever, we have also started, in the last few years, to see more diverse body types being celebrated – yay!!  From the tall, elegance of Giselle, to petite and curvy Jo-lo’s and kim K’s, to the beautifully buxom Melissa McCarthy’s of this world, there’s a lady out there for all of us.   These gorgeously diverse ladies are working it for women of all shapes and sizes, and helping us all to see that, when it comes to beauty, one size does not fit all!

And another thing, be kind to yourself!  It’s ok to sometimes feel down about yourself, you can’t be happy 100% of the time, you are human – but it will pass.  Don’t fall into the trap of generalising your feelings, for example ‘I always feel like I’m not good enough’.  It’s odds on that you don’t feel that way 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Thinking that way simply reinforces our negative image of ourselves.  Instead, tell yourself ‘I feel rubbish now, but it will pass’.  Recognising that a rubbish feeling won’t last forever, helps to take the power out of it.  Even if you do find yourself having the odd wallow though, that’s fine too.  Everyone’s entitled to have down times.

Finally, whilst your deep-seated negative feelings about yourself may take some work to conquer, it’s ok, actually, to do superficial things that make you feel good.  Whether that be buying lovely clothes, wearing your make-up a certain way, getting your hair done, or having beauty treatments.  If you enjoy it, and it makes you feel good, why not?  It’s about treasuring yourself, treating yourself as if you’re worth it.  Similarly, if you don’t like all that beauty stuff, and you’d rather be a natural beauty, embrace that!

In a nutshell, it’s about finding what works for you, to make you feel good, and avoiding the stuff that makes you feel bad.  I have, and I can honestly say that I’m happier with myself now, than I’ve ever been (though that young, insecure girl does occasionally still make an appearance – but I love her too).  The media will always try and shove notions of beauty down our throats and, you know what, those notions will change like the seasons.  So stop trying to run with the media wolves!  That’s no way to win.  Be you, embrace your quirks and stand tall.  Quirky Beauties united!

If you’d like more similarly rousing articles, as well as make-up tutorials, interviews with inspirational ladies, and down to earth beauty advice, then sign up to my free newsletter here - >>www.perfectlycast.co.uk<<

About the Author and her New Look Business

Charlotte Pingriff is an Artist, Body Caster and Writer. She runs the quirkily creative Perfectly Cast – a lovely arty haven of happiness, positive body image and down to earth cheer.

The whole philosophy of Perfectly Cast is about helping women feel happy, confident about their body, and positive.  To that end, there are 3 core elements to Charlotte’s business:

• A body casting service, incorporating 4 brilliant packages to choose from (at price points to suit all), that combine a pampering experience with producing a beautiful piece of art, unique to the customer.
• A shop, called ‘Little Shop of Happy’, selling handmade items that are quirky, funny, cute and very adult!
• Last, but not least, the free newsletter, the ‘Quirky Beauty Brigade’, that goes out weekly, giving tons of value including articles that encourage a happier life, inspirational videos and down to earth make-up tutorials and beauty advice.

So go and take a look at www.perfectlycast.co.uk, join the newsletter, and become a Quirky Beauty!!

Every day is a special occasion!

The daily grind, groundhog day, same old same old, same s*@t different day......whatever your favourite expression, there’s no denying that life can get, well, a touch monotonous. 

Most of us have a daily routine, we are creatures of habit, but this can lead to feeling like you are trudging round on a treadmill, forgetting to be happy. There is no doubt that happiness is one elusive scoundrel. Most of us think ‘Ah, I will be happy if.....’ or ‘If only x,y,z would fall into place I would be happy’.

We feel that there are huge obstacles in the way of happiness, like big hairy monsters guarding some mythical gate to which we cannot find the key. But, quite often, it‘s little things that enrich our daily lives. Small pleasures that add sparkle to our day and help us to feel happy NOW, not in some magical future, or dim, distant, rose-tinted past.

I’m going to let you in on a piece of advice I read, many moons ago, that had a huge impact on me.  It’s helped me feel happier, and has made life that little bit more lovely! So what is this elixir of happiness? It’s simple - every day should be treated as a special occasion.  

The notion of using little luxuries – whether big or small, expensive or less so - to make yourself feel good each day, and not just saving them for some elusive special occasion, sounds simple, or even obvious, but it’s something that not many people practice. And it's strangely freeing.

Open that bottle of champagne you’ve been saving and have it with your fish and chips on Friday night! Use your favourite perfume every day, not just on nights out. This concept gives you permission to be frivolous and can make a big difference to your levels of contentment. Life should be enjoyed and any little pleasure that helps you feel good should be grabbed with both hands, and not ‘saved for another time’.

We’ve all bought something amazing, put it on a shelf like some precious artefact, and just admired it whilst thinking I’ll use that only on special occasions. This is a daft attitude, frankly. A belief which says that only on high days and holidays can we possibly give ourselves the best in life. Only on those days are we allowed to treat ourselves really well. In actual fact, we should treat ourselves well all the time! 

Sure there will be days when plain and simple is just fine, thanks very much. Similarly there will be things that you do, for a special occasion, to set that day apart in some way.  But don’t forget that any day can be wonderful! A stressful day can be soothed by having a deep bath with your favourite bath oil; dinner with your partner can be made more lovely by setting the table nicely, and using your best glasses; your confidence can be given a boost by using your posh toiletries in the morning, rather than your usual day to day stuff. 

It’s about shaking up your daily routine and allowing yourself little pleasures, and not feeling that there has to be some reason to warrant treating yourself. Just the fact that you are living another day on this mad, funny, eclectic, wonderful planet, is reason enough.  And please don’t feel it is selfish or self-indulgent. As the wonderful Gretchen Rubin points out in her brilliant book ‘The Happiness Project’ – which I thoroughly recommend – the best way to make those around you happy, is to be happy yourself. Plus treating yourself as though you are ‘worth it’ will make you feel better about yourself.

So, you see, by not treating yourself well, you are actually being more selfish. And when you put it like that, it’s a win-win! You have a duty of care to yourself and being your own best mate benefits those around you too! So celebrate YOU today and throw a few little luxuries into your day. You’ll be glad you did!

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About the Author

Charlotte Pingriff is an Artist, Body Caster and Writer. She runs the quirkily creative Perfectly Cast – a lovely arty haven of happiness, positive body image and down to earth cheer. Perfectly Cast is currently in a period of transition and re-launches at the end of September with a brand new look and a whole lot more wonderfulness for all. Take a sneak peek at www.perfectlycast.co.uk and follow Charlotte on Facebook and Twitter for all the news, and to witness the chrysalis becoming the butterfly!