Play is Important

How much time do you spend playing?  Really playing, not just going through the motions.  Not in a passive mode, such as watching television or going to the movies, but active, participatory play.  Probably not as much as you should.

Do you feel guilty when you do manage to find some time for play?  Unless you are rather unusual I suspect you do have some guilt feelings, even if they are hidden below the surface.  There are so many things you know you should be doing, so why are you wasting time playing instead of getting them done?  Is that a familiar question?  Even if you don't ask that question of yourself, probably someone close to you does - your partner, a parent, etc.

Most children play a lot, of course.  Why do they play?  You could answer "because they enjoy playing", which is true.  But why do they enjoy playing?  Because evolution has set them up to enjoy it.  Play has an important purpose.  It is a key element in their learning curve.  Learning not only about things in the outside world, not only about relationships and ways to nurture them, both of which are very important, but also about their own capabilities and how to stretch and grow those capabilities.  Learning how to improve their problem-solving abilities.  Learning to expand their imagination and creativity.

Think about this for a moment.  Why should you decide there is nothing more for you to learn?  Why decide that you are so perfect at creating and nurturing relationships that you don't need to learn how to do so even more powerfully and effectively?  Can you really say that you have fully explored all your own latent skills and abilities and have developed them to the point where there is nothing you can do to improve them?  Are you as creative and imaginative as you could ever be?  Unless you can really say all this, you still have the need to play!

Even if you ignore all those practical benefits of play, it has other important functions too - one of which is to give us laughter and happiness.  Do you laugh as much as you could and should?  Are you as happy as you could be?  Assuming you laugh a lot and are happy most of the time, is there a good reason you should not laugh even more and be even happier?  I cannot think of one good reason not to laugh and be happy, but know of plenty of reasons to laugh more and be happier.  One reason is that being happy and laughing is a state I enjoy far more than any alternative state.  If I have a choice between an enjoyable state and on that is less enjoyable, why would I choose the less enjoyable one?  Another reason is that people who laugh and are happy have far less stress in their lives.  As a result, they typically live longer.  A double benefit - you can have a longer life, less stress, and be happier in all that additional time the happiness and laughter has bought you.

Now that (if I have done my job properly) you recognize the value of play, you can use this to squash that little voice inside that tries to tell you that you are wasting time, being silly, reverting to childhood, or anything else it can say to make you feel guilty and stop playing or stop enjoying the play.

Decide now that you are going to spend more time playing.  Where will you find the time to do this?  Take a look at all the things you do each day that are not essential but also are not play.  I am sure you will find plenty.  Simply use some of that time to play instead, and start creating a more fulfilled, happier life more filled with laughter and enjoyment.

Learning from Ramadan

If you are reading this article at the time I have published it, Ramadan has just begun.  I am sure all of my Muslim friends reading this need no reminder, but those of us who are not Muslims may not have been aware.

One reason for writing about Ramadan is to make sure you know what it entails and do not inadvertently do anything which might cause your Muslim friends embarrassment.  This blog is all about personal development, and I believe a very important aspect of personal development is to learn to respect the beliefs of others even if you do not share them, and to avoid doing anything which might hurt those around you in any way.

Another reason is that I strongly believe there is much to be learned from the beliefs and practices of those who do not share our own beliefs.  Having studied what happens in Ramadan, and why, I find many things which I think are helpful to anyone learning to become a better person.

So, what actually does happen during Ramadan?  I am not a Muslim, so if any of my Muslim friends spots errors in what I have written, please let me know.  I have taken great care and tried to be accurate, but am happy to correct what I have written if I have misinterpreted anything.

Even my friends who have had little or no contact with those of the Muslim faith probably know one key fact about Ramadan - that it is forbidden to eat or drink from dawn until sunset.  There are some important and practical exceptions to this rule though.  If you are ill, elderly, pregnant, breastfeeding, or diabetic you do not need to fast.  The same applies if you are travelling.  It is really up to you to decide whether your own circumstances fall within one of those exceptions solidly enough to mean you should eat and / or drink.  Where practical you should then try to fast outside the month of Ramadan to make up for the fact that you could not do so during Ramadan.  Clearly this does not apply where the reason is simply that you are elderly or diabetic.

During Ramadan it is not permissible to make love between dawn and sunset.

Putting these two prohibitions together, this means during the daylight hours you are practising abstinence from what are perhaps the most compelling and enjoyable human pleasures.  Such a practice is a very good discipline for anyone learning to become a better person.  Why?  Certainly not because there is anything wrong with eating, drinking, or making love.  But because learning to practise self-discipline is a very important aspect of personal development.  The more self-discipline you have, the higher up the ladder of personal development you can climb.  Note, though, the important balance introduced in Ramadan.  Are we told to fast and abstain from sex throughout Ramadan?  No, we are not.  Only during daylight hours.  As long as you don't live in Rovaniemi (or even further north) this gives you plenty of time during which you can eat, drink and enjoy making love - every single night of the festival.  I believe balance like this is very important.  Struggling to remain abstinent for days or weeks at a time is really not necessary when learning self control skills.  You are much more likely to be successful if you follow the teachings of the Quran in this regard rather than trying to be completely abstinent, day and night, and perhaps finding your motivation to continue dwindles.

There are also other abstinences which you must observe during your fast, such as swearing, gossiping and lying.  Obviously you are not expected to do any of these things at any time, but it is especially important to abstain from them during Ramadan.  If you do any of those things, or anything else that is clearly wrong, it is as though you have also broken your fast.  You may as well not have bothered to fast in the first place.  In the case of these things you do not have an exemption during the hours of darkness.

Ramadan is not, though, simply about abstinence.  During Ramadan a good Muslim thinks deeply about his or her faith.  It is a time for spiritual development, a time to purify your heart and soul.  The time that would otherwise be spent eating, drinking (and perhaps also making love) is time that can be used instead for spiritual exercises.  For a Muslim, this period of reflection will most certainly include reading the Quran.  For my readers who are not Muslim and who want to adopt a practice similar to that of Ramadan for their own personal development, they may not wish to read the Quran, but I suggest it would be a very good idea to spend time reading spiritual works of one kind or another.

Just as bad deeds are strictly forbidden during Ramadan, good deeds are particularly encouraged.  This includes, but is certainly not limited to, giving generously to charity.  And "charity" is also very broadly defined anyway in this sense.  For example, when the fast is broken after sunset it is considered good to share one's food with others.  In many cases this is simply with family and friends, much as Americans share the blessings of the earth with family and close friends at Thanksgiving, but it is also considered good to share with those who may not be able to afford the good food you have perhaps kept aside for breaking your fast.

Now that you are more aware of what is involved in Ramadan, please try to remember this when talking and making arrangements with Muslim friends.  For example, remember that they are not allowed to eat or drink during the day, so please do not try to invite them to lunch, or even to dinner if it is early in the evening before the sun has set.

If you have read this far and are interested in any form of self development I hope you have seen that the practices of pious Muslims during their festival of Ramadan might be a good thing to practise in order to accelerate that self development.  It may even be that some Muslims will look at their own practices during Ramadan and realize they should be using their time during Ramadan more effectively for their own spiritual development. 

If you are not a Muslim you may simply wish to pick out certain aspects as outlined above and see if you can incorporate them in your own practices.  But if you have Muslim friends maybe a good way to do this would be to ask them if they would mind if you tried to share their spiritual practices with them during Ramadan.  Don't push it if they seem less than enthusiastic, but you may find they like the idea and are very willing to share their beliefs and practices.  If so, this should not only help you develop practices which I strongly believe will help you in your self development, but also strengthen your friendship with Muslim acquaintances and increase your understanding of their faith.  Anything that increases understanding between people of different faiths has to be a very good thing in a world in which misunderstandings and prejudices are so common.

What do you want?

What do you want in this life?  What do you want to become?  What do you want to achieve?  What do you want to acquire?  Where are you headed, and should you be headed there?

These are very important questions.  If you don't know what you want, if you get it then it will be by accident.  More likely, you will simply not get it.  If you DO know what you  want, what you REALLY want, then you have every chance of getting it.  You can start working towards it.  No matter how distant it might seem right now, every step you take can be a step closer to achieving it.  Also, if you know what you really want you can send signals to the universe that you want it, and the universe will start working with you so you can get it.

The most important step you can take in your personal development is to find out what it is you really want.  The most important step, but often the biggest and most difficult step.

Most of us think we know what we want.  We think that because we think it must be silly not to know.  Everyone knows don't they?  Actually, no.  I would say far fewer than 50% of the population really know what they want.  In fact, based on in depth interviews I would probably say only a very small percentage really know the answer to this.  That is why so few people achieve it.

Even if you think you feel quite strongly about what you want to achieve, you may be wrong.  Have you ever sat in silence and questioned yourself about your goals, about what you really want?  I strongly suggest you do that, and do it soon, even if you think you know.  If you are wrong, then every day you delay is another day of moving in the wrong direction.

Why might you think you know what you want, and yet be completely wrong?  This is far more common than you may think.  We are all impressionable beings, especially when we are young.  Perhaps your parents wanted you to achieve something and you imbibed this and then took it for your own idea.  This could be a career decision for example.  I wonder how many doctors or lawyers there are who wish they had become train drivers!  Perhaps your spouse wants you to become someone that isn't really you.  Or your friends have convinced you that you want to have something that you don't necessarily really want to have.  Maybe your employer has made you think you want to be a really good ... (fill in the gap here, depending on your job).

It is very important to cut through all this "noise" and get to the real truth.  The question "why" is a very good way to do this.

Just as an example, let's say you have decided you want to become a millionaire.  Begin by asking yourself why you want to become a millionaire.  Don't be satisfied by just the first answer, but keep digging.  For example, you may say "because I want to buy a big house".  Ask yourself why you want a big house.  How will you feel when you own it?  What will you do with it?  When you answer those questions, ask yourself "why" again.  Keep asking it.  Keep digging deeper and deeper to find out exactly why you have this desire.

You might be surprised with some of the answers you get.  Sometimes the answers will reveal that you were wishing for the wrong thing.  Maybe not completely wrong, but still not quite right.  Perhaps the reason you wanted to become a millionaire is that you want to live in a nice house by the sea.  But do you need to be a millionaire to achieve that?  Do you even need to be at all wealthy to achieve it?  I am not saying that a desire to be very wealthy is wrong, but just that you should know, in depth, exactly why you want this.  By doing this you will be able to think laterally and achieve some of those things without needing to wait to become wealthy.

I like to think of this process as peeling to the core of our being.  In our outer layer we have the things that everyone around us can see.  Peel that back and there are the things that our friends and family see.  Peel that back again and there are the things that only our closest friends and family can see - perhaps just our spouse or life partner.  Peel that layer back and you will find things that not even your closest friends and family know about - just the things we alone know.  Then peel that layer back and find the things even you didn't know about yourself.  That is when the real work is done.

Bear in mind as you do this that you are not looking to be purely selfish about things.  You are not saying "I am going to be what I want to be, do what I want to do, acquire what I want to acquire, and never mind anyone else!".  You are just trying to get to the bottom of what it is you really want.  Having done that, you may decide that one of the things you really want is to please your spouse.  So whatever that thing is your spouse wants you to achieve you will work on achieving.  Not necessarily because you want that per se but because you do really want to please your spouse.  It would be a good idea, though, at that point to include your spouse in the exercise.  Get your spouse to ask the same questions about what they want.  If they realize the dream they had for you is not a shared dream but that you are ready and willing to make it so, that should strengthen your relationship with them.  But at the same time they may now change their own ideas about what they want for you.  You will be sharing your dreams together instead of trying to make each other live a dream that may not be the right thing for either of you.

Don't expect, though, that all of your initial beliefs about what you want will be wrong.  Some most certainly will be.  But others may not.  The exercise is equally valuable for those things that you do really want.  By asking "why" and keeping on asking it as you go deeper and deeper you will awaken inner powers that will align with the universe and help you achieve those things.  This is an exercise that is vital if you really want to be all that you can be and achieve all that you can achieve.

Don't try to become what others want you to be.  Don't change just to make others like you.  Change because you want to change.  Find out what you really want to be and then become that.  Do that, and the right people will love you for it.  Those who don't are people who should not be in your circle anyway.

The Power of the Unconscious

Just how powerful is your unconscious mind?

Perhaps before I try to answer this I should clarify what I mean by "unconscious".  It is everything in your mind of which you are not conscious.  Some people try to call this the subconscious mind, but that is not the true term.  "Subconscious" is a part of the mind which is accessible, but of which you are not aware at the time.  Another way of putting this is that it is the "non-mindfulness" part of your mind (if you are not familiar with this term, I will be producing an article about Mindfulness later this year).  For example you may be so used to walking from your home to your office that you do so automatically, without being aware of the journey at all.  This is the subconscious mind controlling your journey.  The unconscious mind includes this, but also includes parts of your mind that are not normally accessible at all.  You may be completely unaware of what is happening in your unconscious mind, but it is still happening.

To a degree, I tend to follow Jung's view of the unconscious mind.  That is, we have both a personal and a collective unconscious.  In our personal unconscious are our personal memories.  Things we have thought about and that are now permanently a part of us but of which we are no longer consciously aware.  In our collective unconscious are what you might think of as cultural "memories" and even memories going right back to the origin of mankind.

But the unconscious is more than just memories.  It is a real force.  Restricting it to just memories is missing the real power of the unconscious.  It includes what Hindus and some Buddhists refer to as "Atman", an absolute and essential "self".  The true self.  What Paul Brunton referred to in his works as the "Overself".  Almost God-like.  In fact, I believe it IS God expressing Himself through us.  When we sit in silence, listening for the voice of God, we hear that voice.  It comes from within, and yet it is all powerful and not really "within" at all.  It is not restricted to the "archetypes" of the collective unconscious, as Jung called them, but is really the power of the entire universe.

The Overself is the perfect being you are intended to be.  Somewhere along the road you lost that perfection, but it is still there within you waiting to be found again.  Hidden in your unconscious mind.  All the personal development work you do is really one small step in that journey to finding and releasing the Overself that is right there waiting to be released.

So how powerful is your unconscious mind?  The answer is, it is all-powerful!  There is absolutely no limit to its power - or rather the only limits are the limits you place on it yourself.  Keep going on your personal development journey, knowing that the power of the universe, or the power of God, is waiting for you and helping you to reach your goal!

Personal Development Tips

I am often asked if I have any tips I can give on how best to organize personal development.

The field is massive, and there are so many things you can do!

Try to begin with the end in mind.  I say "try" as the reality is none of us really knows where we will end up, and usually when you look back after many years of personal development you realize the journey has been quite different from what you initially envisaged.  But it is important at the outset at least to have a rough idea of what your goal may be.  Without knowing that you will not really know the direction you should be going, and without knowing the direction you will probably choose the wrong tools.  It would be a bit like starting on a journey, trying to follow a map, but not actually knowing where you want to go!  So spend some time thinking about what you want to become.  No limits.  Write down all your ideas as they come to you.  Then when you have enough written down try to feel which ones seem right for you.  This should help identify the right direction of travel for you.

When you are thinking about what you want to become, don't be frightened of aiming for the stars.  We are all made of star dust anyway, so aim for those stars!

That's for the big picture.  Long term, don't accept any limitations.  There are no limitations.  Or, rather, the only limitations are the ones you create for yourself.

Now you know where you are headed, start to think about the steps you can take to move in that direction.  These can be very small steps.  In fact, they should be.  They are things you know you can achieve.  You probably have no idea how you are eventually going to reach your long term goal, but that doesn't matter, as you will eventually reach it if you keep taking the right steps in that direction.

Keep an open mind.  You never know when the next opportunity is going to knock or which direction it will come from.  Often it is entirely unexpected.  Also opportunities will often appear and you will fail to spot them.  Do not be discouraged by this.  The more you open your mind, the more you get focused on what it is you want to achieve, the easier it will be to start spotting those opportunities.  You will certainly miss some, but that is not the end of the world as (contrary to what you may have read) similar opportunities will arise again.

Join groups of similarly minded people.  Ideally they will be people nearby, but this is not essential.  If there are no such groups near you then look for "virtual" groups on the internet.  Gain both encouragement and new ideas from the groups.  Ask others what tools they have used to achieve their results.  You will be surprised at how much information you can get and how helpful those new friends can be.

The corollary is to avoid, where possible, people who try to discourage you and tell you that you will never achieve what you are trying to achieve.  There are many such people around, and they are really toxic.  You do not have to put up with this - just avoid them.

A lot of what you need will be available for free.  Take advantage of this.  You will be amazed at just how much good free information is out there.  If you subscribe to my newsletters you will find masses of such free help, as I spend a lot of time looking at what is available and finding out what is the most helpful.  If you have not already subscribed, go to www.beallican.com right now to claim some free personal development e-books and join my newsletter list.

What you will also find, though, is that as you start to develop in a particular direction you will probably have to start paying for further help.  View this not as a cost but as an investment.  The most important investment you will ever make - an investment in you, your future, and your happiness.  I recommend you start keeping aside 10% of whatever you earn to use as an investment in you.  Start right now, before you even know what you will need to invest in - put this money aside, hopefully earning a bit of interest, so it is ready to use when you need it.

Don't get confused by the huge variety of material out there.  Often you will find very similar systems offered by different people and organizations, all promising to help you reach your goals.  As long as the system is good, just go with whichever feels right to you.  There are many paths to the same destination.  As for whether or not it is good, do some research first.  Or let someone prominent in the field search through everything and come up with selective recommendations - which is what I do for my subscribers.

Enjoy your journey.  Remember that you will never reach the end, as your goal will start to change as you begin the journey and well before you reach it you will find you have come up with more goals even further ahead.  So take pleasure from the journey itself - otherwise, what is the point?

Finally, do not become discouraged.  I can promise you there will be setbacks.  That is simply a part of the rich tapestry of life.  Accept the setback, see what you can learn from it (that is very important!) and then move on.  If you adopt this attitude then even the setbacks can be regarded as an essential part of the great journey you are taking, as they teach you essential lessons.

Wherever your personal development journey is taking you, bon voyage!

Personal Development Plans

Do you have a Personal Development Plan?  If so, when did you last review it to check it properly reflects what you need now?  If not, do you really need one?

I believe everyone needs a personal development plan.  Without such a plan you are like a rudderless ship in a big ocean, simply going aimlessly wherever the tides take it which may be somewhere very different from where you would wish to be.  With such a plan you know the direction in which you intend to go, and can then measure the actions you are taking to ensure they are moving you in that direction, even if only vaguely.

Your True Self

In the front of your Personal Development Plan you should indicate what kind of person you want to be.

You should meditate deeply before you answer that question.  It may seem a simple question, but it is not.  You may think you know the answer to that question but unless you have already done a lot of work meditating to find the answer then you probably do not know it.

Many people find, when they begin a meditation of this kind, that what they really want to be is not at all what they thought at first.  Do not be alarmed if this happens to you.  It is very normal.  Our inner desires have usually been supressed for so long, and replaced by what other people want us to be, that we do not recognize them when they first emerge from the depths of our being.

Just doing this exercise is already a big jump forward.  Once you know what you want to be it is not a big step to start living your life in a way that matches this.  You will find once you do this you will be so much happier and feel so much more satisfied.  You are no longer living in conflict with your inner desires, which is what you have probably been doing up to now, as that is what most people do.

You will find you are now closer to your true self, which is where you need to be.

Goals and Ambitions

Next you should note down what you want to achieve in life, whether you are near the beginning or the end of that life.  What are your goals and ambitions?

Again, meditate on this.  As your goals and ambitions rise to the surface of your consciousness, check they are properly aligned with the person you really want to be.  If not, then they cannot be your real goals and ambitions.  Either that or you have not yet finished discovering who it is you truly want to be.

These may be very long-term goals and ambitions.  In fact, it is important to have long-term goals and ambitions, otherwise you have no way of knowing whether what you are doing is moving you in the right direction.

If you have not already done so, read the article I wrote last week on achieving goals.  You can find it immediately below this article (http://iwanttoimprovemyself.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/how-to-achieve-goals.html).

Action Plan

Now you write down the steps you should take in order to reach your goals - your Action Plan.  Sometimes this will be simple actions you take yourself.  But also there will be tools you can use.  These may include using a personal development coach, following a particular personal development programme, etc.  Where there is a cost involved, then your plan should also include your budget, and how you are going to put this money aside if you do not already have it saved up.

Be Flexible

Recognize that as you move through life things will change.  Once you start working through a Personal Development Plan this will probably happen even more dramatically.  New ideas will come to you.  Some of what you have written in your plan will probably now be irrelevant.  There will also probably be some obvious gaps which did not appear to be there when you first drew up your plan.  So be ready to reflect on that plan and change it as necessary, as it should be a constantly evolving document.

The Art of War

"The Art of War" by Sun Tzu.  Why on earth would I be talking about a book on strategies of warfare in a blog all about personal development and success?  Especially considering my personal philosophy is that all war and violence is inherently wrong no matter what the provocation!  The reason is simple: although Sun Tzu wrote his book as a treatise on military strategy it can actually be used by anyone to achieve almost any objective if they read it properly.  Many successful business leaders have used "The Art of War" to achieve their business success.  Some personal development coaches use it as the basis of their coaching - and charge their clients high fees for the privilege.

You can use "The Art of War" to improve your sporting ability, build a business, overcome personal challenges, widen your social circle, make bullies leave you alone, attract a member of the opposite sex (or, for that matter, the same sex) - in fact, for almost any challenge you may have in your personal or professional life.  The secret, of course, is to read between the lines and adapt this treatise in your mind so it provides you with an appropriate strategy to achieve your desired goal.

You should begin by obtaining a copy of "The Art of War".  This book is well out of copyright now, having been written well over 2,000 years ago.  The English translation most accepted by academics was written by Lionel Giles, who died in 1958, so this version, too, is no longer copyright.  There are many free versions now available on the internet, including at Project Gutenberg.  One version with a typeface I find particularly easy to read is that published by Pax Librorum in 2009.  You can download this version here (for free, of course!):

"The Art of War" by Sun Tzu

Once you have your copy, sit for a while thinking clearly about what you are trying to achieve.  Then take your copy and begin reading it, identifying in your mind each section with your intended strategy.  Make copious notes in your book, crossing out words and phrases and replacing them with ones appropriate to your own goal.  Continue doing this, maybe not in one sitting, until you reach the end of the book.  Then go back to the beginning again and begin writing out your own version, using your own changes you made to make the book fit your strategy.  Now you will find you have a very good manual, totally personalised, which will help you make very good progress indeed with whatever strategy you have in mind.

The autosuggestion specialists, Subliminal MP3, have even come up with a subliminal MP3 you can use to ensure appropriate affirmations to help you achieve your goal are embedded in your subconscious.  You could either use this on its own or in conjunction with the strategy I have outlined above.  If you want to try the Subliminal MP3 you can obtain a copy here:

Subliminal MP3 of "The Art of War"

If you download this within the next three days, as a reader of my blog you will be entitled to a 30% discount.  Just enter the following coupon code at the checkout:

ARTWAR234

Good luck with whatever strategy you have in mind for your copy of "The Art of War".  And go in Peace!