How to Become Successful – the First Step

As a researcher and promoter of personal development and success systems the commonest question by far that I hear is “How can I be successful?” How to be successful is the driving force for most people with whom I come into contact. Not surprising really, as this is my niche and my area of special expertise.

Usually I answer with another question. “What does ‘success’ really mean to you?” This is not a cop-out. I believe this question must be answered before I can even begin to outline what I believe this person must do in order to be successful. I do not believe anybody can really be successful unless they know exactly how they personally define success.

I have met people I would describe as very successful, but who have very little money. Many successful people are not well-known. Some have no close family and few if any friends.

So, if success is not defined by wealth, fame, family situation, or friendship, then what on earth does define success?

The answer, again, is that success can only ever be defined by the person who wishes to achieve it.

The first step to becoming successful is therefore to set aside some quiet, uninterruptible time, and begin to define for yourself exactly what you mean by success. You should make sure you have at least an hour for this, and preferably more so that the exercise can be open-ended and continue for as long as you find necessary. I can promise you that if you truly want to be successful this will be the most valuable hour or two you have ever spent.

This should initially be a brainstorming session. The concept here is that you should write down everything that comes into your mind when you hear the word “success”. Do not limit yourself to things you think it should be. You are trying to arrive at your own definition of personal success, not what you have read as someone else’s definition. Anything goes here. Do not be judgemental – if the thought occurs then write it down. Be prepared to fill quite a few pages here and to spend a good twenty or thirty minutes, not just a couple of minutes filling a single sheet of A4!

When you have spent a minimum of twenty minutes doing this (and keep going well beyond if ideas are still popping into your head) you can begin sifting through those ideas and crossing out ones that are not relevant. Also look for ones that are just repeats or variants of others; keep the most relevant and cross out the others.

You should now put your scribbled lists aside. In fact, turn the paper over so you cannot see anything you have written. On a clean sheet of paper write in large, bold capitals:

WHO AM I?

Don’t try to answer this. Just read it, then sit in absolute silence for at least another five minutes.  Ten, if you can manage it. This should be a form of meditation. If you are used to meditating on a phrase, then meditate on that question. If not, don’t worry – just sit there in silence.

When the five or ten minutes is up, turn over your list of words and phrases that came into your head when you thought about “success”. Start a fresh list and write down some words and phrases that now seem to resonate with you as being a start of your definition of success. These words and phrases may come from your brainstormed list, but you may find there are some completely different ones that now come into your head.

What you are trying to do here is to make sure your own personal definition of “success” is truly aligned with your own inner “you”. Only when your definition of success is properly aligned in this way can you really start to become truly successful.

At this point, start trying to formulate a sentence or two from this new list. This sentence will be the starting point of your own personal definition of success. It will probably be quite different from anything anyone else will ever write. That is quite natural, as this is extremely personal, and not some definition foisted upon you by the media. Treasure it! This definition, I can assure you, is one of the most precious things you have, as it will be the starting point of your true success.

Your definition of success will evolve over time, and in a few years from now may be quite different from what you have just written. But it will be a true definition, and one you can now be happy to go out and seek.

Good luck!