Ask and you will receive

You get what you ask for.  How true is this?

If you ask most people around you whether this is true or not, most will say no.  They will recount many tales of asking for something they wanted and being refused.

It is true that most, if not all, of us have asked for something and not received what we thought we should.  But I still maintain you DO get what you ask for, even though there is often a delay, and even though when it arrives we may not recognize it really IS what we asked for.

First let's consider the delay.

Most of us live in a society of instant gratification.  When we want something we believe it is our right to get it right away.  Our grandparents, and even probably our parents, lived in a society where if you wanted something you worked out how to get it, and then put a plan in place.  That plan may have lasted several years.  If it was something material they would put aside what they could afford out of their wages and gradually save up until they had enough money to go out and buy it.  Many, and perhaps even most, of our generation have a very different experience.  We are encouraged to go out and get whatever it is we want right now and then worry about paying for it later.  And probably my choice of the word "worry" is a good one in these circumstances!

But when you decide you want something, and you ask for it, you should not expect instant gratification and then complain when you don't get it.  The reality is that most things you ask for in life will take time to arrive.  If you then get disappointed or even angry because they don't arrive right away you will effectively be "cancelling your order".  So don't be surprised if then whatever it is you wanted never materializes.  Don't allow the "buy now, pay later" culture to deceive you into thinking you have a right to instant gratification.

Have you heard about the "Marshmallow Test"?  This was an experiment conducted in 1960 at Stanford University.  Children were led into a room where there was a treat on the table.  Something they had indicated to the experimenter that they wanted - e.g. a marshmallow.  They were then told that they could eat the treat now, but if they waited 15 minutes without eating it they would get two instead of one.  Do you know how many children were able to wait just 15 minutes?  Only a third!  They all knew they would get double the pleasure if they waited, but two thirds simply couldn't wait and ate that one marshmallow rather than waiting a short time and getting two.  The younger the child the less likely he or she was likely to wait.  In 1960 we were not really in the "buy now, pay later" culture, so I imagine if this experiment were conducted today, even adults would be guilty of taking instant pleasure rather than delaying and increasing their pleasure.

Learn to wait silently, knowing the Universe really wants to give you what it is you really want but that it probably won't give it to you right away.  Be patient.

Now consider the nature of what you receive.  Is it exactly what you asked for?

Often it is not.  Quite often it seems to be so different that we don't even appreciate that we really have received what we asked for.  You may be familiar with this hymn by William Cowper.  Read it carefully and take note.  If you believe in God, whether as a Christian, Jew, Muslim, Sikh, Hindu, or with any other religious belief, then read it exactly as written.  Or substitute the word "Universe" for "God".  But take in the meaning and reflect on it deeply:

"God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform; He plants His footsteps in the sea and rides upon the storm. 

Deep in unfathomable mines of never-failing skill; He treasures up his bright designs, and works His sov'reign will. 

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take; the clouds you so much dread are big with mercy and shall breakin blessings on your head. 

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, but trust Him for His grace; behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast, unfolding ev'ry hour; the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flow'r.

Blind unbelief is sure to err, and scan His work in vain; God is His own interpreter, and He will make it plain."

A very powerful message!  God, or the Universe, DOES give us the good things we ask for, but perhaps not in the way we expected and perhaps not in the form we originally imagined.  Trust this concept, as it is absolutely true.

From now on, live your life knowing that you WILL receive good things and that it IS very worthwhile asking for them.  Be open minded.  Know that the Universe does not act like an errant credit card, allowing and even encouraging you to build up a big debt to get NOW whatever it is you may want.  Nor does it always deliver what it was you THOUGHT you were asking for.  But it WILL deliver good things to you if you just ask and wait patiently.

At the risk of offending those who don't like religion, let me close with this quote from Matthew chapter 7.  Whether or not you are religious and whether or not that religion is Christian, reflect on the meaning of this passage:

 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

You will never reach your goal

Have you ever almost reached your goal, only to have the rug pulled out from underneath your feet just when that goal was in sight?

Have you ever actually reached your goal, but before you can start to enjoy it you find something has happened to make you walk away from it?

Be honest here.  These are two very common problems faced by most people.  If this has never happened to you then all I can say is that you are very lucky and are in a very small minority.  And just because it has not happened yet, this doesn't mean it will never happen to you in the future!

As this is such a common problem I feel it is very important to address it again, even though I have referred to it in a number of different blog articles.  What can you do to stop this happening, or at least to minimize the chance of it happening?  The first step is to recognize the problem.  If you understand the causes you have a much better chance of moving in a different direction and stopping the "self sabotage" from happening in the first place.

There are three distinct reasons here, any one of which can result in the prize of your achievement being snatched away, and all of which can work together to make it virtually impossible for you to realize your dreams.  If you do not address them I would go as far as to say you will never achieve your goals.

The first I will call "Fear of Failure".  The second is "Fear of Success".  The third is "Incorrect Goal Identification".

Fear of Failure

Fear of Failure is very common.  I would go as far as to say virtually everyone suffers from Fear of Failure.

Recently I read a novel by Celeste Ng called "Little Fires Everywhere".  This is a well written novel with quite a complex plot line.  But to me the strongest element was the self-destructive instincts of a mother who was afraid her youngest daughter would not develop in the way she hoped.  You could almost say she loved her daughter too much, although I personally don't believe in the concept of "loving too much", but only of allowing that deep love to express itself in inappropriate and destructive ways.  Because she was so afraid that certain things would happen, the mother unintentionally caused those very things to happen.  If she had simply expressed her love for her youngest in the same way as she did for her other children, my reading of the novel is that her youngest daughter would have grown up as "completely normal" rather than the maladjusted child she became.

This is very typical of all of us.  We are afraid that we won't achieve what we want to achieve.  This causes us to focus on all the things that could go wrong rather than on all the things that we could do to ensure we are successful.  Often we get very close to success despite all that wrong focus.  But eventually the wrong focus comes home to roost.

We often see this in the way a lot of relationships go wrong.  One party fears the other might stop loving them and find someone else.  They have no logical reason for this fear, but gradually it grows and takes over their life.  Instead of being the beautiful positive thing it should be, the relationship becomes toxic.  The party who feels this way begins to read the wrong signs into everything.  If their other half smiles at someone they believe this means they are transferring their affections to that other person.  Every innocent action is given a completely different reason, building a picture of betrayal - a betrayal that simply doesn't exist, yet!  The more this goes on, the more toxic the relationship becomes.  The other party is almost forced into a position where they stop loving the other, or at least find that love considerably diluted.  They cannot understand what has happened, but simply know that the relationship is not working.  And so they start looking for a better relationship elsewhere - the very thing that the person responsible for this change feared would happen.

The same thing can, and often does, happen with other life goals, not simply relationships.

You want to become wealthier.  At first you are excited by this goal, imagining you now have all the things you could have if you WERE wealthier.  Having imagined having them, you then imagine them being taken away or never having managed to get them in the first place.  This makes you feel rotten.  But you now believe this is the most likely outcome.  You think of all the things that can go wrong and stop you achieving your wealth goal.  Your focus changes from what you can do to get wealthier, to what can stop you getting wealthier.  All the negatives seem to add up to something much more powerful than the positives.  Eventually, the Universe gets the message - you are focussed on not getting wealthy, so that is what it is going to ensure happens to you.

Be aware that this not only CAN happen, but very often does.  Defeat it by focussing again on the goal and the pleasure it will bring, and don't allow all those negative voices to take your power away from you.

Fear of Success

Fear of Success is really a kind of evolved Fear of Failure.  You recognize that when you achieve what you want to achieve you can easily lose it.  So you then focus on how that would make you feel.  Your impression is that if you achieve it and then lose it you will be a lot unhappier than if you never achieved it in the first place.  I think you can immediately see where this is leading.  The closer you get to success, the stronger you feel this worry about how achieving and then losing is worse than not achieving at all.  So your subconscious decides the best thing is to ensure you never achieve success in the first place.  Once your subconscious makes this decision you may as well give up trying.  You cannot defeat your subconscious - it is far more powerful than your conscious mind.

The answer, of course is to ensure you do not send this kind of message to your subconscious in the first place.

The reality is that we win and lose things all the time in the game of life.  Take pleasure from your wins, and don't focus on the losses.  Don't allow the very real fear that something in the future will change and take away what you have initially achieved, to stop you from achieving in the first place.

Incorrect Goal Identification

Again this is something I have covered many times in different blog articles.  But it is extremely important.  If you don't give a great deal of thought to the goals you are working towards I can almost guarantee they will be the wrong goals.  The desire for success comes from deep within.  As it rises to the surface it becomes modified.  And when it reaches your conscious mind it is usually something completely different from the original intended goal.  

When you then start going after what you think is your goal, your subconscious sees it is not the original goal.  So it doesn't try to help you achieve it.  Even worse, in many cases the modified goal will be counter-productive and will move you away from what the true goal should have been.  If so, not only will your subconscious not help you achieve it, but it will actively work to stop you achieving it.  In the unlikely event that you achieve the goal, you will never be really happy with it, as it is not the goal you really wanted to achieve even though you never knew this.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to dive deep within yourself and find out what that original true goal is.  You do this by noting down what you think are your goals and then sit still and meditate on it.  As you do so you will be going deep within yourself where you are more likely to find the true goal itself.  When you come out of that meditation, note down your feelings and thoughts arising from the meditation.  You will probably need to do this many times before you truly identify your real goals, but every hour you spend doing this is an hour very well spent.  Identify your true goals and you will be setting yourself up for really achieving them.

Limiting Beliefs

Are there any limits on what you can achieve in this life?

The scientists among you will probably answer this with a resounding "Yes!".  Of course there are limits!  There are the laws of physics for starters!  If you are going to deny the laws of physics, then you clearly don't know what you are talking about!

The practitioners of the Law of Attraction will probably answer this with a resounding "No!".  There ARE no limits to what you can achieve!  Know that you can achieve it, know why you want to achieve it, and know that because of this the Universe has already achieved it for you!

Both are right, but also both are wrong.

I would remind the scientists that even the laws of physics themselves are a changing feast.  Nothing in this universe is immutable; everything, including even the basic scientific laws we have believed in for centuries, has the seeds of change within it.  Laws help us interpret what is happening around us.  They even help us predict what is likely to happen next.  But they are not cast in concrete, even though some charlatans who claim to be scientists may tell us they are.

I would remind the practitioners of the Law of Attraction that there ARE limits - the limits we ourselves create, our limiting beliefs.  If you believe you cannot achieve something you are absolutely correct in your belief!  And it is that belief which will ultimately prevent you from achieving it.

Limiting beliefs arise in many different ways and from many different sources.  But often they are linked to that first objection - the belief that the laws of the universe will prevent us from achieving what we want to achieve.

There is, actually, a very good evolutionary reason for this source of limiting beliefs.  There are, of course, actions you can take which place you in danger.  If you are tempted to take such actions you will find strong objections rising from within that prevent you following through.  If this did not happen you would be much more likely to die, perhaps before you had contributed to the gene pool.  By definition, those who lack this protective mechanism are therefore much less likely to have children, and whatever gene "malfunction" stripped away the protection is unlikely to be passed on to the next generation.  If you look up "Darwin Awards" online you will see many such examples.

If you are tempted to step off a skyscraper just to see whether you have developed the ability to fly, but find an inner fear of the likely consequences prevents you, this inherent limiting belief is certainly performing an essential function.  But if you are a well trained acrobat you will need to conquer that same fear.  The fear that stops someone else doing something stupid can not only limit you from achieving what you need to achieve, but can also appear at just the wrong moment and cause the very harm it is supposed to limit.

The trouble is, this underlying evolutionary protective mechanism has no way of knowing when it should and when it should not act.  If it senses a set of pre-defined circumstances it will swing into action and prevent you achieving what you are trying to achieve.  Unless you know how and when to switch it off.

I have focussed here on physical danger, as that is the most obvious example, and one everyone can follow.  But our inherent evolutionary limiting beliefs are by no means confined to physical danger.  In fact, they tend to try to prevent any change at all.  If you are alive and healthy, then (this internal security guard argues) whatever you have been doing up to now clearly works in your favour.  By extension, anything you may wish to do which could change the status quo could bring danger.  To be on the safe side your internal security guard will try to lock you into the status quo and block out anything that could change it.

This resistance to change is present within all of us.  It is not the only limiting belief by any means.  We have all collected hundreds or even thousands of limiting beliefs.  But an inherent resistance to change is probably the biggest limiting belief of all.

Being aware you have a limiting belief is always the first required step to remove it.  Be aware that you have a natural, innate resistance to change.  Don't try to remove the fear of stepping off a skyscraper (unless, of course, you are an acrobat and that is part of your act).  You will probably not be successful if you do try, and if you ARE successful it may well be your last success in life!  But do look carefully at whatever within you is resisting change, as you need to accept and even demand change if you want to achieve anything at all.

Follow Your Dream

What is your dream?  What do you really want to happen, in your life, in the lives of those around you, and in the world in general?

Think about your answer to this very carefully.  This is probably one of the most important questions you have ever asked yourself, or ever will.

Set no limits here.  I haven't asked you "what difference can you make", even though that is a very important question too.  It is important to focus on making a difference, but when phrased that way it automatically assumes limits.  It invites you to exclude anything that you think is too difficult to achieve or that is simply not something "little old you" can achieve in this world.  So by all means dream of making a difference, but don't include the word "can" which also implies a whole area of "cannot".

There are so many ways to tackle the question "what is my dream?".  Try them out for size.  Explore them.  Apply them.

Many people answer the question confusing the "means" with the "end".  They may say their dream is to have a million dollars in the bank.  I am not criticizing this as a desire.  Despite what many may tell you there is nothing wrong with wanting a lot of money.  But think about WHY you want all that money.  Knowing the reason you WANT a lot of money will make it much more likely you will get it.  Money of itself is nothing.  It is what having it allows you to achieve that has real meaining.  And although I again say there is nothing wrong with money, sometimes when you focus on exactly what it is you want to achieve when you have the money you may find ways of achieving it without needing a million in your bank account!

Some people find their answer to this question by imagining they have been given a limited time to live and then focus on what is really important to them, what they want to do in that limited remaining time.  This is a good exercise.  Especially because actually it is very true.  You DO have a limited time to live!  There are not many guarantees in this life, but that is one thing I can absolutely guarantee!  You probably don't know when you are going to die, in fact I hope you don't.  But you do know that one day you ARE going to die.  So in the meantime, why live your life like a zombie, just doing the things you always do because you always do them?  Instead, live your life to fulfil your dreams!  Make a difference!

So, ask yourself that question.  What is my dream?  Or rather, what are my dreams?  Don't limit yourself to just one dream, unless you find it is so powerful and all-consuming that there is no room for anything else, and that by committing yourself to that dream you will become the happiest and, even more important, most fulfilled person you could ever be.

Ask the question, and then take steps to change your life so you are moving in the direction of that dream or those dreams.  Every step you take in that direction is a powerful, positive step.  One which should make you happier.  One which should make you more fulfilled.  Perhaps not the happiest person in the world, yet.  Maybe not the most fulfilled.  But happier, and more fulfilled, and that is the key thing.

And don't fall into the trap of confusing the means with the end.  Yes, some of what we do to fulfill our dreams will not create immediate results.  In fact, that applies to a lot of what we do.  But there will always be some steps you can take which WILL make a difference, even though it may be a small difference.  It is important to take those steps, as none of us knows when we are going to breathe our last breath, so make every day, every hour count.

Once you realize just how much of a difference moving towards your dream can make to you, to those around you, and to the world itself you will never want to stop that journey!  So get on board right now!  Your dream is beckoning to you!  Don't ignore it - follow it!