Like a Little Child

Are you like a little child?

My Christian friends will be very familiar with this verse from Matthew 18:2-3:

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them.  And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

But I believe this is not simply a religious verse, and certainly not one that is only for Christians.  All of us who are trying to improve ourselves and the circumstances in which we live should take note.

As we go through life we acquire more and more rules that constrain us.  Those "rules" limit our freedom to be what we are truly capable of being.  They stop us from developing our full potential.

One big difference between an adult and a little child is that the child has very few internalized rules.  A child knows there are certain rules that must be followed, but those are mostly common sense rules and ethically sound rules, not the massive rule book that most of us carry around without even realizing it.  Also, in a lot of cases those rules are not yet internalized.  The child knows that if he or she does not follow the rule, and that this is noticed by an adult, something bad might happen.  But if an opportunity to break the rule arises, that opportunity may well be taken.

I am not, of course, suggesting that we throw our rule books completely out the window, living our lives selfishly and without being concerned at all about the consequences of our actions.  Certainly not deciding that we will only follow a moral code when we are being watched but break every rule in that moral code when nobody will see.  So what, exactly, am I suggesting?

The first step I am suggesting is to recognize the burden you are carrying.  The burden of a "book of law" you are carrying and trying to follow, most of which is simply not appropriate.

Your "book of law" is what is stopping you from growing and bearing fruit in the way you could and should do.  It is stopping you following those dreams and ambitions you had as a little child.  It is stopping you becoming a much happier, much more fulfilled person.  Most of what is in that rule book is simply not appropriate.  In the main it does not consist of rules you have consciously studied and decided are right for you.  It mainly consists of rules that you have "acquired" through your life and which were thrown at you by others.  Many of those rules are hidden deep within your subconscious mind.  Not only were they created for you by someone else, or by the experiences through which you have lived, but you never actually consciously examined them and agreed they were the right rules to follow.  So begin by deciding you will throw away this inappropriate rule book.  Make a decision now that you will not allow it to control you any longer.

Having decided you will throw away the rule book, make sure you replace it with a set of rules that you DO wish to follow.  Spend some time thinking about those rules.  The time you spend doing this is very important, as it will determine the direction your life will now take.  Choose wisely and your life in the future will be very different.

Each of us must make our own decision here.  It is not for me, nor for anyone else, to tell you what should be in your rule book.  For those who are religious it may be whatever is your holy book.  The Bible, the Qu'ran, the Tanakh, Guru Granth Sahib, the Vedas, the Tripitaka or some other holy canon.  For those who are not religious it may be a set of ethical principles you truly believe are important to follow.

I have said I will not impose my own rule book on you, and I will not.  But I will tell you what I have decided should be in mine, and it is then up to you if you find this fits comfortably into your own situation.

My number one rule is the Golden Rule.  "Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law".  Another quote from the book of Matthew in the Christian Bible.  That is my absolute, unbreakable rule.  Any other rules I decide to follow always have to fit comfortably with the Golden Rule.

My number two rule may surprise and disturb some of my readers, but hear me out before you reject it.  This rule is one introduced in the early 1900s by the magician Aleister Crowley and is the basis of his Thelema philosophy.  It begins as follows:  "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law."  Many people completely misunderstand this rule and think it means there is no rule at all and that we should all do exactly what we like, no matter what the consequences for those around us.  But this is not the case.  Read the second half of this rule: "Love is the law, love under will."  This fits nicely with the Golden Rule.  If we truly make love the centre of our rule book we cannot go far wrong.  The real meaning of "Do what thou wilt" is that you should find your own true path in life.  You should discover your true "will" that is hidden deep within you.  Find what it is you really want to achieve in life and go for it!

So, become like a little child.  Remove the fetters that are preventing you becoming what you truly could and should become!  Enjoy the freedom of a little child, but still controlled by rules that you have studied and with which you fully agree.

Learning from a Toddler

5 Lessons Learned from a Toddler

Author:  Deborah Fike

If I could summarize my world for you in one sentence, it would be: chasing my toddler. I know the back of my daughter’s scruffy blonde head anywhere: dashing across the living room, making a break for the next grocery aisle, or attempting to go up the slide (much more fun than going down). My old day job required me to attend meetings and sit in front of a computer most of the day. Now, I’m lucky if I get 10 minutes to sit down for a breather before my girl has me running to catch up with her.

I’ve never raised a child before, and given my personality, I decided to read about it. All the toddler self-help books talk about what you need to teach them: how to play with others, learn language, go potty. These books contain great advice for child rearing, but none discuss the things parents learn from toddlers. I have learned at least as much from my daughter as she has learned from me. So here are some tips for living from someone who just started her life journey:

1. It’s your duty to question everything.

Toddlers don’t take anything as a given. They don’t understand that you should eat your peas, not put them in your hair. On a more serious note, they don’t understand that running into the street can kill you, so they may bolt at any second. And when you stop them from doing something they want to do, you get the dreaded string of “whys.”

But “whys” are a good thing. They demonstrate curiosity and a thirst to understand the world. More importantly, they force us to evaluate all of our decisions. Toddlers don’t like to follow a rule with a weak “why,” and neither should adults. So if something bothers you, question it. Don’t like the answer? Channel your inner toddler and take action. You’ll feel better in the long run (especially on ethical decisions) if you always ask “why.”

2. All skills take practice, but you’ll get there eventually.

It is amazing how very little a baby can do at birth. He can’t see or hear well. Many babies struggle with the sucking reflex, so they can’t even eat well. When you watch a baby grow, it’s amazing to watch him master the ability to move and manipulate things, including himself. It literally takes years. Reasoning takes much longer. (Some parents of teenagers might argue that day never comes.) And how do we learn all of this? By doing it day in, day out for years at a time.

So as an adult, if you’re trying to learn a new skill, you’ve got to be patient and put in the time to learn something new. Toddlers thrive on doing the same things over and over again, and that’s how they become master walkers and talkers. Don’t get me wrong – toddlers are rarely patient. My daughter can cry with the best of them when she encounters a container she wants to open and can’t. But she works at it constantly until she does eventually open the box (usually to my frustrated sigh as I go find a broom).

3. There is opportunity in destruction.

Before my daughter was born, I saw the world as a place where I could create. I could find connections and establish a career. I could open up my computer and write a story. Opportunities abound in this world because I can build in it.

Toddlers like creation, but many value destruction even more. I stack blocks, my daughter knocks them down. At first, this frustrates an adult, especially when something you cherish has been ruined by your child. But there’s opportunity in destruction too. When your child scribbles marker on the wall, you have a chance to paint it a nicer color than its original boring beige. For a more adult-oriented example, perhaps you’ve been pigeonholed as a great accountant, but you’d rather be a carpenter. Casting away your old career for a new one can be more rewarding than building upon what you already have. Sometimes the greatest joy is found not in the creation, but the destruction, of something you’ve built.

4. Go outside as often as you can.

The outdoors is a magical place for a toddler. It doesn’t matter how many toys, books, and interesting things I shove in a room, it can only hold her attention for about 30 minutes (if I’m that lucky). Then I’m stuck either listening to her whine or taking her someplace else. This rule does not hold true if my toddler plays outside. We went to the beach the other weekend, and my daughter had no trouble entertaining herself for nearly 4 hours.

I used to spend a lot of time outdoors through my college years, but once I entered the “real world,” I’ve been less committed. I feel a lot healthier now that I spend more time outside with my daughter. Even if it’s just sitting on the front steps, the outdoors is at once more relaxing and exciting at the same time. It’s relaxing because natural noises lull you in the place of electronic ringtones and computer clicks. It’s exciting because all sorts of things can and do happen: you chat with your neighbors, a helicopter flies overhead, or a large butterfly catches your eye. I now value outdoor time as much as exercise and eating right.

5. Love like there’s no tomorrow.

Toddlers have little emotional restraint, and as parents, it’s our job to teach them how to work through emotions so they can live a normal life. But when it comes to love, toddlers have the right idea. They have no qualms springing a hug on you, even if it means nearly tripping you in the process. My daughter’s kiss is the best gift I have ever received in this world. She gives it at a moment’s notice, and it is always accompanied by the most genuine smile. The feeling it evokes cannot be described by ordinary words.

Imagine the world with more toddler love. It’d probably involve more chases and tickling, but I could live with that.

What have you learned from your children?