The Power of Self-Coaching

by

Tamara Baruhovich

Coaching is becoming more popular than ever, simply because it works. Just take a look at the achievements that the Winter Olympic athletes attained and you'll clearly see what I mean. And this is no different with Life Coaching. Think about the times when you had to solve a problem all by yourself versus a time when you got the help and guidance of a friend or co-worker... which scenario was easier? In fact, your friend and/or co-worker acted as a coach even without knowing it.

However, even when you have a Life Coach guiding you through the process, there is something you can do to make your experience 100% infallible. You must commit yourself to adopt certain traits that will aid in propelling you towards your destination more efficiently. By this I mean that since your Life Coach cannot be whispering in your ear 24/7, or patting you on the shoulder every moment throughout the day, you must learn to self-coach yourself.

Self-coaching is related to positive self-talk, but it's much more than that. Follow these steps to self-coach yourself to realize your goals faster and easier...

1. Determine your purpose - You must not only know what you want to accomplish but WHY. This surely seems obvious, but for some reason the WHY keeps on getting forgotten or dismissed altogether. Knowing what you want and why you want it is the primary starting point for achieving the results you want, for it you don't know where you are going or what your motivation is, you will never get 'there'.

2. Write your action plan - Don't rely on your memory alone. Self-coaching involves writing the steps to reach your goal. Jotting down every step is powerful because it serves you as a map. Once you have it, proceed to give yourself commands that will prompt you to act. Keep track of your written goals. Modify them if they are not working for you. Nothing has been written in stone, so use them as guideposts and correct the aim if needed. One step at a time you will get to your destination.

3. Auto-suggestion - Self-Coaching incorporates positive self-talk. First, you must know and feel that you are capable of accomplishing your goal. Then, tell yourself you can do it and give yourself the reasons as to why this is so. Creating positive affirmations is helpful too. Craft and memorize a handful of positive affirmations that you can repeat as needed to feed your mind with positive thoughts every time you need a lift.

4. Self-advice - We have all 'heard' that critical voice in our head when we make mistakes... why not use this voice for self-advice? If you are between two or more decisions, 'ask' your inner voice for advice. Treat yourself 'as if' you were talking and listening to a friend that has the best in mind for you. Take a nature walk or meditate. Then ask, be silent, listen... An excellent time to do the 'asking' is right before you fall asleep. Let your subconscious mind search for the right answer and whisper it into your ear as you wake up.

5. Self-encouragement - When the going gets tough, take some time off to remember the times in your life when things seemed close to impossible and somehow you were able to overcome the obstacles. Remember what you did and how good you felt. Self-coaching encompasses recognition. Allow yourself to live the experience all over again. Use that positive feeling as a springboard to encourage yourself, as you have proven in the past that you can accomplish difficult tasks. Remember your "why" and think of new reasons that can support your determination and resolve.

6. Adopt a positive attitude - This may sound like a 'cliche' but I can't tell you how important this is to change your state at any given moment. You can feel positive any time you choose to by focusing on the good you already have in your life. Regardless of your circumstances, you do have many things to feel grateful for and thus, to encourage a positive attitude. The fact that you are reading this should be one reason to make you feel positive for you are seeking new ways to improve your life.

7. Get self-inspired - Self-Coaching involves finding motivating stories that serve you as inspiration. Read about people that have accomplished major goals related to what you want to achieve. They become your role models. Use their stories to inspire you to reach new heights.

8. Be relentless - One famous phrase says that "Success is a journey not a destination"... be persistent and don't forget to enjoy the process. After all, you are moving towards your goal, and that is what matters.

9. Be patient - Anything worthwhile takes time to come into fruition. Just keep on keeping and believe in the unseen... patience is the mother of all virtues.

Life Coaching is a wonderful option to support and guide you towards achievement of your goals, but when you add Self-Coaching to the mix, you will experience faster and better results while you learn a helpful skill that will last a lifetime.

About the Author:

Tamara Baruhovich is a Life Coach, Health Educator, Parent Educator, and Counselor. Tamara has dedicated over 25 years of her life to the health field, teaching, counseling, coaching and writing about common health topics, self-help and personal growth. You can reach Tamara with your questions at her website. She always takes the time to reply personally as her passion is to help others achieve their best.

"Discover Your Potential" is a powerful, self guided coaching eProgram that offers you the one-on-one assistance of a Life Coach. Complete details at http://www.Discover-Your-Potential.net

August Book Review

Personal Development Book Review

Welcome to my August book review.  A bit late in the month this time, but it is still August - just!

This month I am looking at books designed to help us change ourselves from within so that we can achieve what we want to achieve in life.  How to change the negatives within us into positives.  All three focus on this general topic, but each from a slightly different angle.

Click on the title of any book that particularly interests you and you can buy it right away from Amazon.

First up is:
 

Self-Defeating Behaviors: Free Yourself from the Habits, Compulsions, Feelings, and Attitudes That Hold You Back

by

Milton R. Cudney and Robert E. Hardy

The title of this book says it all, really!  It is not a new book, but still what it has to say is refreshingly up to day.  Have a look at what some readers who bought it have to say:


"What is your life like? Is it a relentless procession of empty days, an endless cycle of meaningless, frustrating work and unrelaxing sleep? Do you repeat the same pattern of joyless days and empty nights ad nauseam? Do you bounce out of bed eager to face another exciting day filled with opportunities for enjoyment, human contact and personal growth? Has the memory of the irrepressible you faded into dust? Has your life become an arduous and repetitive ordeal? Do you keep hurting yourself, and does this recognition keep haunting you, day and night? Are you acting on misguided choices, doing and saying things that virtually guarantee dissatisfaction and unhapppiness? If you answered ‘Yes’ (or even ‘Maybe’) to any of those questions, have I got good news for you!

The best book I have seen that specifically addresses how we can reclaim our mental, emotional and spiritual power from the traps we ourselves have built and continue to nourish is ‘Self-Defeating Behaviors’ by Cudney and Hardy. On second reading, it is a truly phenomenal work. I have already purchased and distributed over two dozen copies. It provides a dynamic model of the way we construct, defend and nurture our self-defeating behaviors, while we simultaneously minimize the real pain heaped upon us and the people around us, and abdicate responsibility for the whole thing!

We are each of us presented with a continuous stream of new moments of life, in which we exercise choices. Each of these choices can lead either to a self-defeating behavior or to a behavior that affirms and honors life. At certain times, we ‘learn’ (i.e. we make an invalid association) that we can avoid work/pain/criticism or other fear by choosing a certain escapist behaviors or thoughts. This choice, expressed through various internal and external techniques, results in various prices that we must pay. In order to continue avoiding our fears, we proceed to minimize the prices (by saying, for example, ‘It's not all that bad; I can stand the discomfort’), and finally, to disown the choice we made (‘It's not MY fault; it was my parents/teachers/bullies/social conditions/the government/ghosts/the voices/...’).

That cycle, from our choices of developing internal and external techniques to avoid some (mythical) fear(s), and then refusing to pay the price, results in a full-blown self-defeating cycle, which feeds on itself, getting worse and worse, engulfing more and more areas of our lives. Even when new techniques are learned (such as NLP!!) which appear to offer the promise of positive growth, they quickly and effortlessly become swallowed up in the seething vortex of self-defeating behaviors, making it even bigger than ever! This black hole effect can easily escalate from disappointment to depression, food/alcohol/drug abuse, violence, murder and ultimately, suicide. Unless we recognize and terminate this vicious cycle, ALL of our other efforts can lead to naught, mired in our old habits of thought and action."
-    Amazon Customer

"This book made a major difference in my life. We all have many kinds of relationships and roles to play in life, and one of those relationships lasts the longest -- from cradle to grave. That's the relationship I have with myself. In my case, that means John Prin's relationship with John Prin. I can be my worst enemy or my best friend. What the authors showed me was that it is my choice. I choose how I relate to me, whether I acknowledge it or not.

The main theme? When unhealthy choices are made, we choose self-defeating behaviors that separate us from our core attitudes, beliefs, feelings and values. When healthy choices are made, we choose 'life-enhancing behaviors' that fit or strengthen our core being. Over time, depending on the mix of choices, our lives are either headed for breakdowns or breakthroughs. Thanks to the wisdom and clarity in this book, along with the easy-to-understand charts and diagrams, breakthroughs in my life are happening on a scale I never dreamed possible.

The pace is methodical but not plodding. Every sentence and paragraph makes sense as you read it. The authors strive to help readers to define and to behave in ways that serve their own best interests, and to create better selves from the inside out -- as I have learned to do and described in my book STOLEN HOURS. For anyone who has dealt with puzzling failures or intense negative emotions, including addictions and crippling moods, the information and encouragement in this book are a godsend. "
-     John Howard Prin, author of STOLEN HOURS: Breaking Free From Secret Addictions, Syren Books 2004




The Power Of Being Different
by
John Paul Carinci


"John Carinci is an excellent writer who knows how to keep a reader's interest. I am an avid reader of self-help books, have read many of the books John recommends, and have already learned many of the life lessons that Mr. Carinci presents in this book, but his writing style is refreshing and the examples and quotes he uses are inspirational.

I particularly enjoyed the author's point that the odds of our birth are like winning the lottery. The one in a million chances that an egg would be fertilized coupled with the likelihood that the development of the embryo into the miniature person born in this time and place that perpetuated our personhood is phenomenal. Those coupled with the fact that we survived exposure to disease and accidents and live in an age of modern medicine; opportunity, education, and freedom that promote our longevity and ability to have a meaningful life are not an accident. We are here for a reason!

The author does an exception job laying out how people who work hard and think positively employing the gifts they are born with and those that they develop should not be satisfied with their accomplishments. Rather, they should strive to make a positive impact on the world and leave behind a legacy that will impact humanity through the ages. He gave numerous examples of such people who ignored ridicule and persevered to accomplish and make our world one of technological advancement. He encourages us to be different, to dream, to act and never be satisfied with what is, but strive for new and better ways to live, work and play.

The author encourages us to make time for ourselves and extend our waking alert hours living healthily and purposefully. Example after examples are provided of people who were either not born with certain physical attributes or have lost them, but nevertheless have used their minds and ingenuity to achieve great things that impact the world as we know it. He believes that those who have passed on their gifts look down at us and challenge us to improve upon their contributions.

I recommend this book to people of all ages and backgrounds. It is uplifting and enlightening. I am glad I read it and you will be too."
-    Tom McGee

"The Power of Being Different never leaves you bored. This book is filled with quotes, humor, and wonderful advice to get anyone up and moving and becoming all they can be. No room for procrastination here. Along with all the good advice, Carcini is obviously a spiritual person, writing a motivational book toward being your true self.

I believe that John Carcini should become a motivational speaker for I sense a gift for delivering wise advice to all. "
-    Mary Ann Johnston



The Power of Self-Coaching: The Five Essential Steps to Creating the Life You Want
by
Joseph J. Luciani


"This empowering book will teach, inspire, and coach you to break the habits of insecurity that prevent you from realizing your spontaneous inner potential for genuine happiness."
-    John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"There is nothing more empowering than accepting responsibility. Taking responsibility is not about assuming fault; it is about re-taking the helm and control of your journey in life. This book will help you navigate through the difficulties of personality and behavioral change to more emotional peace."
-    Dr. Laura Schlessinger, author of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands


"I don't have depression or anxiety and I swear I will never go to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I rarely even go to regular doctors, but am slightly more convinced of the importance of dentists.

Imagine my surprise when I found myself reading Dr. Luciani's book, realizing that many of the habits of insecurity and control could be found in my own life. I came across Dr. Luciani's philosophy of Self-Talk and his views on the habit-based nature of anxiety and depression on his website. Through reading his thoughtful and empathetic answers to truly troubled individuals seeking comfort and understanding, I was moved to read Dr. Luciani's articles and then to purchase The Power of Self-Coaching.

I still won't go to a doctor, but Dr. Luciani's book made me realize that my lifelong anxiousness and fear of failure are habits that I can break through sustained positive affirmation. Self-Coaching is a great tool for everyone struggling to deal with the stress of modern families and careers, regardless of whether you have a diagnosis of anxiety or depression, or are just feeling nervy all of the time."
-    M Long