Parables

How important are parables in determining the way you view life?

I would say very important.  It is no coincidence that Jesus chose to pass on his wisdom by telling stories that were not actually intended to be historical truth.  He did so because he knew that the deeper truth embedded in those stories would have a lot more impact and be recognized and understood better that way.

I am sure you have heard the saying "a picture is worth a thousand words".  Some things can be understood quite easily, but not easily put into words.  This is particularly true of many aspects of personal development, whether spiritual or otherwise.

Using parables is a great way of getting your message across.  If you really want to change the way others think and feel, use parables.  Even more important, if you want to change the way YOU think and feel, use parables.  Whether or not you are a Christian, read or re-read some of the parables in the New Testament - they are very powerful and the underlying messages are certainly very important.

A friend of mine regularly uses parables to change the thinking of those around him, and they usually don't even realize that is what he is doing.  He does it when he needs to get across something that his listeners would regard as a criticism and would probably react by trying to justify themselves rather than taking in the fact that they have done something wrong.  His usual method of doing this is to tell a story of either something he did or something someone he knew did, and the negative consequences that arose because they did it.  As his listener doesn't believe the comment is about themselves they don't feel the need to resist and justify, and instead actually take in those negative consequences.  The next time they are tempted to say or do the same thing, subconsciously they will recall the parable and may then think twice.  This is a very powerful technique.  You may feel it is dishonest, but I don't.  I think it is far better to bend the truth a little (sorry to my fellow Quakers - no real dishonesty intended here!) in order to ensure no offence is given but that the inner meaning is properly absorbed.  Jesus thought so too.

Try it!  Use it to spread a little more morality and create a better world around you.  Use it to take in some inner truths yourself.  There are plenty of online examples.  The next time you see a lovely story online, don't immediately go to "Snopes" or some other myth-buster site to find out whether or not it is historically true, as the historical truth doesn't matter.  By all means check out the historical truth before posting it yourself, and maybe include a comment that this is not intended to be a true story but that you found it very touching.  But don't focus on whether or not it is the truth in the historical sense - the deep inner meaning IS true if it inspires you and others to become better and do better things in what can often seem a very mediocre world.

Whatever your religion, go back to your holy book(s) and recognize that probably most of what is written there is in the form of parables.  It doesn't matter whether or not it is historically true.  That is really not the point at all.  What matters is whether or not the underlying message is good or bad - and usually you will find it is good.  Read the holy books of other religions in the same way.  Do this even if you are not at all religious.  You will not be "getting religion" - just allowing some hidden wisdom to help you become a better person and create a better world around you.

What stories do you tell yourself?

How suggestible are you?

Many people believe they are not at all suggestible.  They laugh at the idea that the TV ads can influence them and get them to buy something they hadn't already planned to buy.  They watch Derren Brown or Wayne Hoffman and laugh at the way people are influenced by these mentalists, knowing there is no way they would be caught out like that.

The reality, though, is that we are all suggestible.  We are VERY suggestible.  All of us.  This is not actually a weakness but rather a strength.  An essential element of our personality.

Why do I claim this?  Life presents us all the time with so many stimuli that it is impossible for us to take them all in before making a decision on the "right" way forward.  Nature has taught us to be reactive.  If we were not, we would mentally explode.  So we often have to make our decisions with very little background information.  Not because the information is unavailable but because there is too much there to analyse.  We have to act fast in so many situations, too fast to take much notice of the facts that perhaps should be influencing our decision.  Life is too complex for us to keep analysing all the alternatives before deciding on what actions to take.  So we go by our "gut reaction", our basic intuition.  Having made our decision we then convince ourselves that we DID analyse the alternatives and made a logical choice.  The decision was not really made logically, but it is important for our self-image to believe it was.  

One very well-known pyschological experiment consists of showing someone a series of photos of a member of the opposite sex and asking them to choose the one they found the most attractive.  The experimenter then uses some sleight of hand, swapping the photo the person chose for a completely different photo.  The person is then asked to talk about which features in this person they particularly found attractive.  You would expect that, having chosen someone completely different, they would look down at the photo and say something like "Hey!  This is a different photo!  I can't tell you what I found attractive in this person, as this is not the person I chose!"  Some do, but very few.  Most actually select features in this new person which they say made them choose him or her in preference to all the others.  Maybe, for example, a man chose a blonde lady but now has in front of him a photo of a brunette.  He now says that one of the reasons he chose her is because he likes brunettes.  There has been no Derren Brown or Wayne Hoffman trick here, using different verbal triggers to make someone who likes blondes change and like brunettes.  All that has happened is that the photo has been swapped, and the man thinks he chose the brunette, so he now tells the experimenter he prefers brunettes.

What is happening here?  What is happening is that, having made a particular decision (or thinking he has made that decision) the man in this experiment is now justifying it to himself by telling himself a "story".  In that story, he prefers brunettes to blondes, even though if you had asked him before the experiment he would have told himself that he preferred blondes to brunettes.

An even more powerful example of this is an experiment conducted in a Scandinavian country at the time of an important election.  The two main parties had quite different sets of beliefs.  Rather like Democrats and Repbulicans in the US, or Conservative and Labour in my own country (the UK).  The experimenter gave the volunteer subjects two sheets of paper listing a number of different ideals.  Each set of ideals related to one or other of the two parties.  The volunteer was asked to pick which set of ideals he or she most identified with.  As would be expected, typically the subject picked the set of ideals that related to the party he or she had previously supported.  Again there was some sleight of hand, and the sheets were swapped.  The subject was now asked to justify why he or she believed in those particular ideals.  Again, you would expect that most would look at the listed ideals and think "this is not me!  I don't believe that!", but that is not what happened.  Most of the subjects proceeded to justify why they had picked these ideals (even though they hadn't done so!).  Effectively, the experimenter had changed the political beliefs of the subjects simply by making them believe that they had picked a different set of ideals.  The subjects then had to tell themselves a story that they believed things which before the experiment they had simply not believed.

Once you start telling yourself a story like that it becomes more and more powerful.  The effect it has on you can be negative, neutral or positive.

Your "story" may be that you are a smoker.  You just keep telling yourself that, and that you enjoy smoking, and this then justifies the actions you now take (buying and smoking cigarettes).  You tell yourself that this is you, the real you.  That you don't want to stop smoking because smoking is part of who you are.  You can choose to tell yourself this story, and if you do it will then define the real you.

But someone else may now change their story.  They tell themselves that they don't enjoy smoking, that it is a filthy habit, and that they don't want to keep doing it.  That the real "me" is a person who doesn't smoke.  Just by keeping telling themselves this new story they are no longer a smoker and they find it comparatively easy to stop smoking.

Your "story" may be that you are no good at making money.  That you have tried lots of different ways in the past and that they have always failed.  That it is impossible for you to make money.  That nothing you try will ever work for you.  If you keep telling yourself this story it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Instead, you need to tell yourself the story that you can now make money.  That all you have to do is start taking action and you WILL make money.  That the real "you" is a person who knows how to make money and does make money.

Tell this story properly and it will happen, whether it is about stopping smoking, making money, having a wonderful relationship, getting your "dream" job, or whatever else it is you want.  Why?  Because that is the way nature wired us all.  We are all suggestible.  We all change to fit whatever story it is we are telling ourselves.

Learning how to tell the story properly, how to avoid telling it so badly that your subconscious does not believe it - well that is another matter.  The good news is there is plenty of material out there and plenty of good coaches who can help you do it properly.  The key step is first to decide you want to change the stories you are telling yourself.  Take that step, start telling yourself the right stories, and your life can change in previously unimaginable ways!

Telling Stories

If I really want to get a point across to someone, usually I will try to find a way to do so without "attacking" them head on.  Why?  Because it is human nature to argue!  So if, for example, I hold up a pen and say to you "this is the best pen in the world!" your conscious mind will probably start from the premise that it is not the best pen in the world and will then look for all the negative reasons that prove this.  It would be an unusual person who accepted the statement at face value and then looked for the positive reasons to justify this stand.

One of the best ways of doing this is by telling a story.  2,000 years ago in Palestine there was a story teller who really understood this principle and used it to best advantage.  Most Christians will recognize, for example, the story of the Good Samaritan.  This story encapsulates some powerful moral principles.  It is much easier for the listener to absorb those principles by listening to the story than it is by hearing someone lecture them on the need to help those around us no matter how different they may be from us.  In fact, you could argue that a large percentage of the Bible consists of stories that convey moral, ethical and spiritual messages.  Those messages usually pass under the radar of our conscious mind, which might otherwise try to argue, and instead lodge directly in our subconscious, instilling in us the uplifting traits they illustrate.

This is true not just of Christianity, but of most religions.  The concept goes back far more than 2,000 years.  From the time humans gathered together for mutual benefit there have always been story tellers, and they are usually held in high regard.  In the best examples the stories they tell, again, pass on spiritual truths to their listeners, but in a non-confrontational and unpatronizing way.

Parents of young children will probably agree that they tell stories on a daily basis to their children, and it is very likely they choose at least some of those stories to illustrate some important lessons.  Perhaps, for example, the fables of Aesop.

You can use this method to change the negative aspects of someone's behaviour if you do it carefully.  This is especially the case when they are doing something wrong without having thought through the consequences or without really meaning to do so.  A very wise work colleague taught me this technique.  He said when that happens, tell a story to that person about someone having done whatever that wrong thing might be and the consequences that resulted.  Add into it how different things would have been if only they had behaved in a different way.  Tell it as if it were a tale of something that actually happened to you or to someone you know.  When this is done carefully, the person you are talking with will not realize what is happening.  They will not consciously know they are the "hero" of the story.  Their defences will therefore not be up and they will listen properly and often agree with you about how bad this was and how the person concerned should have acted differently.  But although consciously they do not know what is happening, and therefore do not resist, subconsciously they get the message.  Very often you will find that just this one little story will do a lot of good in changing the person's behaviour.

Just as you can use the story telling method to change someone else, so you can use it to change yourself.  It is an extremely powerful technique.  Gather together some of the world's best literature and see if you can find some stories which have underlying strong moral, ethical and spiritual messages.  Obviously a good place to start is with the religious writings of your own religion - or perhaps of a number of religions if, like me, you have an open mind on religion.  You don't have to be a member of a particular religion, or even of any religion, to benefit from its stories in this way.  Concentrate particularly on the writings that contain stories.  A Hindu example is the Ramayana - the Tamil version written in English by R K Narayan which is a wonderful introduction to this epic.  As a Sufi example, try some of the marvellous works of Sayed Idries Shah - for example "Tales of the Dervishes", or "The Pleasantries of the Incredible Mulla Nasrudin".  The Midrash and the Talmud are full of enlightening stories, as, of course, is the Bible.

Once you get into the habit of looking for inspiring literature in this way you will find it can really change your life.  Not only spiritually, but also in all other aspects of your life, including even financially.  Check out some of the fairy tales and other folk stories that abound - but take care, as not all are intended to convey teachings you may wish to imbibe!

One very good example of this is a rather quirky adult fairy tale by Charlotte Pingriff, called "Mr Happy".  Read this and you will find the message of living a happier life will pass underneath the mental barriers all adults put up, and your life will change in subtle but important ways.  If you want to be happier, I strongly suggest you give this one a try, testing out what I have said here at the same time as creating a happier life for yourself.

PS, the above links are US sources.  If you prefer UK sources, here are some more links for you:

• Aesop's Fables
• Ramayana - the Tamil version written in English by R K Narayan
• Tales of the Dervishes
• The Pleasantries of the Incredible Mulla Nasrudin
• Talmud
• Bible (NIV)
• Mr Happy