Saboteur

Have you ever wondered why it is that just as you are about to achieve success someone grabs the prize before you?  A little like the final stage of a race, where you are ahead of the field and then someone (who has perhaps been pacing better) comes out of nowhere and runs past you in the last few seconds.

Or sometimes do you find someone seems to work against you just after you have reached your goal and achieved success?  Completely destroying that success?  An unknown someone.  Invisible.

Does everyone seem to conspire against you, stopping you getting what you really want out of life?

These are very common problems, and probably most of us face them from time to time, if not all the time.  So perhaps we should try to find out who is working against us and why.

Well I think I can answer that question for you right now, even though I know very little about you, your circumstances, and what you are trying to achieve.  The person working against you is YOU!  Not any of your friends or enemies.  Just YOU.

Even when it seems to be clear who has done this, when you can see the person grabbing the prize before you, the culprit is STILL you, and only you.

How can that be, and why?

In the case of someone snatching the prize before you there are probably two factors involved here, both controlled by you.

Firstly, to use a horse racing analogy, you are pulling on the reins to slow the horse down just as the winning post comes in sight and the first prize appears to be within your grasp.  You hesitate.  And he who hesitates is lost.  For some people this is pretty obvious when they stop and think what has happened.  They don't mean to give up right at the last moment, but that is exactly what they do.  Others, perhaps you included, will object and will deny outright that they are slowing down just as it seems they are going to win.  But I can almost guarantee that is what is happening!

Secondly, in most cases you are mistaken in believing there is only one prize, or only a few prizes.  You may think that is the case, but it probably isn't.  Yes, if your goal was to become the president of the United States and someone trumped you to the post (sorry about my sense of humour!), there was only one prize there and you missed it.  But in all likelihood you had the wrong goal.  Maybe the goal should have been to become the president of the United States at some point in your life, in which case the prize has not been snatched away from you unless you are going to die before the next election!  More likely the goal should actually have been something very different anyway, as most of us misinterpret our inner desires, cloaking them in something that is vaguely related but not our true goal - and if we could truly see our real goal we would realize there are no limits there and that it doesn't matter if someone "snatches" the prize ahead of us, as there are many identical prizes.

In the case of the invisible saboteur, if you think really carefully you will realize that saboteur is you.  But why?  Why do you slow down right at the end of the race?  Why do you give up when someone else gains a prize but there are prizes on offer for everyone?  Why, when you finally achieve whatever it was you wanted to achieve, do you sabotage your own success, giving away the prize you worked so hard to achieve?  Why are you a self-saboteur?

There are a number of reasons for this, some of which simply need a change of state.  A change from a permanent negative attitude to a positive one.  Recognition that the world is your oyster and that the only limitations to achieving what you want to achieve are set by you.

But perhaps the biggest reason is that the "inner you" doesn't want change.  And if you are successful that will mean a big change.  Too big for comfort.  So the "inner you" pulls you back into your comfort zone.  Why?  Well it is a basic biological survival instinct.  You are alive, so what you have been doing up to now has ensured your survival.  But if you change things, then you are moving into the unknown, and your inner being believes there is a risk that you are moving into a danger zone.  Evolutionary pressure very naturally tries to steer you away from that danger zone.  Either by making you slow down and perhaps even stop before you reach it, or by making you return to "safety" when you get there.

Just recognizing this may be enough to stop this saboteur (you) in his or her tracks.  But if not, then at least you now understand the source of the problem and can enlist some external help (perhaps from a lifestyle coach) to re-train you so you don't keep missing or even throwing away the success you deserve!

Mind Games and Self-Sabotage - Getting Out of Your Own Way

by

Tao De Haas

While you have great potential waiting to be unleashed there is something opposing it that is even more powerful. It stops you from being successful; it prevents you from putting things into action, it hinders your chances of achieving those goals that are important to you. It is so powerful that it can even paralyse you. So what is it that prevents so many people from reaching their potential? What could be even more powerful than the desire to achieve your goals?

Excuse me, you're in my way!

There is 'someone' who wants to stand in the way of your progress, like an overzealous bouncer standing at the door blocking your path to the world of success and achievement. But rather than it being someone external, it is an aspect of you, a sub-personality. It is the part that sabotages you through playing mind games. It tells you to 'start tomorrow' to 'do it later'. It finds more urgent and important things to do than stepping onto your path to success. When it sees others getting on and achieving the things that are important to them, this part will come up with justifications as to why you are not, by letting you believe that you're not as talented, not as capable, not as smart etc. Whatever mind game this part plays, it is often very effective in stopping you from flourishing and being successful.

So what's this mind game?

So what is the game? The game is called self-sabotage. Like in the game of chess it is equivalent to the powerful King. When it comes to self-sabotage, procrastination is King. This King stands in the doorway that leads from intention to action. Just like the game of chess is a process, so is self-sabotage. It is a complex process already started in early childhood. Unfortunately this process is a game that pitches people against themselves. It pitches their desire and intention against their impulses and seduces them not into action, but into stagnation.

Emotional not logical

Perhaps that sounds illogical, and this process is exactly that. It is a process that is emotionally driven and not driven by logical consideration. For the part of the brain that is concerned with protecting you, it seems safer not to act but to 'stay safe' where you are right now. While this is most useful for survival we humans are not merely programmed to survive, we are also programmed to evolve.

This is a perfect dynamic for the mind playing games. The game plays out with the various parts of your brain vying with each other, competing to get your focus and attention; the survival part versus the thriving part. Of course whatever part you favor with the most attention and energy wins the game!

Don't give it power

Sabotage can only thrive when you give it power. You need to stop giving 'King Sabotage' your focus and attention. While at its core sabotage might be there to protect you, your courage, determination and desire needs to be greater. While protection based on fear often does a great job, in many cases it does its job too well standing in the way of your progress, your success and ultimately achieving the things you most want to achieve.

Feel the fear

The game can be most effective, the 'voices' can be convincing and seductive if you allow them to be; 'do it tomorrow, you are too tired today, 'wait till you feel more motivated', 'you won't be good at it', 'you will never really succeed' etc. The more you listen to these voices the more power you give them. It is not about not feeling trepidation or uncertainty, but as the saying goes; feel the fear and do it anyway!

Get out of your own way!

Remember Marden? Deep within us dwell slumbering powers; power that would astonish us, that we never dreamed of possessing: forces which revolutionize their lives if aroused and put into action.

You will be amazed at your own capabilities when you get out of your own way. You will automatically evolve, flourish and grow as this is what nature has programmed you to do. The part of you that has been programmed to excel will win over the part that will try to hold you back. There is a very simple principle I call the seed and brick principle. Once you remove a brick that lies on top of a seed it will grow, flourish and evolve. Then, all you need to do is make sure you 'water it' (by focussing on it) and keep the soil 'nourished' (through nourishing your mind with positive and encouraging thoughts) and weeding out negative and limiting thoughts by not giving power to them.

Get out of your own way. When you stop self-sabotage and procrastination in one area of your life it will positively affect all other aspects. There is nothing more satisfying than disempowering self-sabotage and procrastination through empowering yourself.

Numerous studies have shown that people who set goals consistently achieve more in life than those who do not. Yet there is so much more to goal setting than most people think. Not only do people need to be clear about what they want, they need to create an environment for success and achievement; an environment that guides and supports them, keeps them focused and on the right track.

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