Fish or Snake

A boy went to his father and asked him for a snake.  The father was surprised by this request.  Very surprised!  He looked around for a snake that would neither crush (such as a boa constrictor) nor give venomous bites so his son could have what he asked for but still be safe from danger.  This took him some time, as he wanted to be really certain the gift would be safe.  Eventually he found a nice grass snake and proudly gave this to his son.  The boy looked at his father wide-eyed and asked "why have you given me this instead of a fish?  Do you expect me to eat a snake?"

Rather a silly story don't you think?  And if you know your Bible you may recognize it as a twist on Matthew 7:10.  A father will not give his son a snake if he asks for a fish.  But will he give him a snake if the son, intending to ask for a fish, asks instead for a snake?

The reason I have told this silly story, and maybe risked offending some Christians who won't like me changing something Jesus said, is that it illustrates something that is going on all the time.  Something I can pretty much guarantee YOU are doing.  All of us, me included, sometimes have great problems communicating what we really want to communicate.  This is nothing to be ashamed of - it is the human condition.  But it IS something we should recognize.

Recognizing the communication problem we all have is extremely important.  Even if we find it difficult or perhaps even impossible to communicate effectively all the time, we should at least be aware that we are frequently miscommunicating.  If we are aware of this we are much less likely to act the way the son did when he blamed his father for not understanding what he wanted.  We can  step back and recognize that the problem is probably ours rather than someone else's.

At a national level, the difficulty in communicating properly literally causes wars.  At a personal level it causes breakdowns in relationships - resulting in tragic and perhaps completely unneccessary divorces, and the loss of what should have been great and deep friendships.

The difficulty in communicating often starts with a difficulty in even understanding what it is we really want.  A desire begins deep inside.  It is a desire for something good and wholesome.  Something that will make us happy but will also do good in the world, create lasting change for good.  As that desire rises through the different levels of our mind and spirit it becomes tainted.  It changes.  Until it becomes a desire for something completely different once it reaches the upper levels of our conscious mind.  We communicate that often horribly mutated desire, are given a snake instead of a fish, and then wonder why we are unhappy and are not satisfied even though we have achieved and/or acquired what we thought we wanted.

I have said this many times in other blogs, and make no apology for saying it again, as I believe it is one of the major keys to unlocking a fulfilled, successful life.  If you want to be successful the first thing you must do is strip away all the camouflage that has so distorted your deep, inner desires.  Find out what it is you TRULY want rather than what you THINK you want.  Do this by taking some time, every day, to sit quietly and meditate.  Breathe deeply and slowly.  Relax.  Close your eyes.  See in your mind's eye a beautiful garden.  Notice what lovely flowers, beautiful trees, and delicious fruits are growing in the garden.  Let those lovely things speak to you.  If you do this often and properly you will be amazed at the way in which your own inner communication changes.  You will begin to understand much better what you truly want.

Once you know what you really want, you can ask the Universe for it, and can also go out and find it.  As you go looking for it, and doing whatever may be necessary to achieve or acquire your desire, you will find the way towards it is much better prepared and signposted than you expected.  This is the way the Universe gives us what we ask for.  Not by letting us just sit there waiting for it to appear, but by allowing us to see so much more clearly how to get it once we know what it really is.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"  Matthew 7: 9-11

You will never reach your goal

Have you ever almost reached your goal, only to have the rug pulled out from underneath your feet just when that goal was in sight?

Have you ever actually reached your goal, but before you can start to enjoy it you find something has happened to make you walk away from it?

Be honest here.  These are two very common problems faced by most people.  If this has never happened to you then all I can say is that you are very lucky and are in a very small minority.  And just because it has not happened yet, this doesn't mean it will never happen to you in the future!

As this is such a common problem I feel it is very important to address it again, even though I have referred to it in a number of different blog articles.  What can you do to stop this happening, or at least to minimize the chance of it happening?  The first step is to recognize the problem.  If you understand the causes you have a much better chance of moving in a different direction and stopping the "self sabotage" from happening in the first place.

There are three distinct reasons here, any one of which can result in the prize of your achievement being snatched away, and all of which can work together to make it virtually impossible for you to realize your dreams.  If you do not address them I would go as far as to say you will never achieve your goals.

The first I will call "Fear of Failure".  The second is "Fear of Success".  The third is "Incorrect Goal Identification".

Fear of Failure

Fear of Failure is very common.  I would go as far as to say virtually everyone suffers from Fear of Failure.

Recently I read a novel by Celeste Ng called "Little Fires Everywhere".  This is a well written novel with quite a complex plot line.  But to me the strongest element was the self-destructive instincts of a mother who was afraid her youngest daughter would not develop in the way she hoped.  You could almost say she loved her daughter too much, although I personally don't believe in the concept of "loving too much", but only of allowing that deep love to express itself in inappropriate and destructive ways.  Because she was so afraid that certain things would happen, the mother unintentionally caused those very things to happen.  If she had simply expressed her love for her youngest in the same way as she did for her other children, my reading of the novel is that her youngest daughter would have grown up as "completely normal" rather than the maladjusted child she became.

This is very typical of all of us.  We are afraid that we won't achieve what we want to achieve.  This causes us to focus on all the things that could go wrong rather than on all the things that we could do to ensure we are successful.  Often we get very close to success despite all that wrong focus.  But eventually the wrong focus comes home to roost.

We often see this in the way a lot of relationships go wrong.  One party fears the other might stop loving them and find someone else.  They have no logical reason for this fear, but gradually it grows and takes over their life.  Instead of being the beautiful positive thing it should be, the relationship becomes toxic.  The party who feels this way begins to read the wrong signs into everything.  If their other half smiles at someone they believe this means they are transferring their affections to that other person.  Every innocent action is given a completely different reason, building a picture of betrayal - a betrayal that simply doesn't exist, yet!  The more this goes on, the more toxic the relationship becomes.  The other party is almost forced into a position where they stop loving the other, or at least find that love considerably diluted.  They cannot understand what has happened, but simply know that the relationship is not working.  And so they start looking for a better relationship elsewhere - the very thing that the person responsible for this change feared would happen.

The same thing can, and often does, happen with other life goals, not simply relationships.

You want to become wealthier.  At first you are excited by this goal, imagining you now have all the things you could have if you WERE wealthier.  Having imagined having them, you then imagine them being taken away or never having managed to get them in the first place.  This makes you feel rotten.  But you now believe this is the most likely outcome.  You think of all the things that can go wrong and stop you achieving your wealth goal.  Your focus changes from what you can do to get wealthier, to what can stop you getting wealthier.  All the negatives seem to add up to something much more powerful than the positives.  Eventually, the Universe gets the message - you are focussed on not getting wealthy, so that is what it is going to ensure happens to you.

Be aware that this not only CAN happen, but very often does.  Defeat it by focussing again on the goal and the pleasure it will bring, and don't allow all those negative voices to take your power away from you.

Fear of Success

Fear of Success is really a kind of evolved Fear of Failure.  You recognize that when you achieve what you want to achieve you can easily lose it.  So you then focus on how that would make you feel.  Your impression is that if you achieve it and then lose it you will be a lot unhappier than if you never achieved it in the first place.  I think you can immediately see where this is leading.  The closer you get to success, the stronger you feel this worry about how achieving and then losing is worse than not achieving at all.  So your subconscious decides the best thing is to ensure you never achieve success in the first place.  Once your subconscious makes this decision you may as well give up trying.  You cannot defeat your subconscious - it is far more powerful than your conscious mind.

The answer, of course is to ensure you do not send this kind of message to your subconscious in the first place.

The reality is that we win and lose things all the time in the game of life.  Take pleasure from your wins, and don't focus on the losses.  Don't allow the very real fear that something in the future will change and take away what you have initially achieved, to stop you from achieving in the first place.

Incorrect Goal Identification

Again this is something I have covered many times in different blog articles.  But it is extremely important.  If you don't give a great deal of thought to the goals you are working towards I can almost guarantee they will be the wrong goals.  The desire for success comes from deep within.  As it rises to the surface it becomes modified.  And when it reaches your conscious mind it is usually something completely different from the original intended goal.  

When you then start going after what you think is your goal, your subconscious sees it is not the original goal.  So it doesn't try to help you achieve it.  Even worse, in many cases the modified goal will be counter-productive and will move you away from what the true goal should have been.  If so, not only will your subconscious not help you achieve it, but it will actively work to stop you achieving it.  In the unlikely event that you achieve the goal, you will never be really happy with it, as it is not the goal you really wanted to achieve even though you never knew this.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to dive deep within yourself and find out what that original true goal is.  You do this by noting down what you think are your goals and then sit still and meditate on it.  As you do so you will be going deep within yourself where you are more likely to find the true goal itself.  When you come out of that meditation, note down your feelings and thoughts arising from the meditation.  You will probably need to do this many times before you truly identify your real goals, but every hour you spend doing this is an hour very well spent.  Identify your true goals and you will be setting yourself up for really achieving them.

Epigenetics and Personal Development

When I studied biology at university in the 1970's there was a small but significant resurgence of belief by some geneticists in the theories of the French biologist Jean-Baptiste Lamarck.  This biologist developed an evolutionary theory well before Charles Darwin wrote "On the Origin of Species".  Lamarck believed that every organism develops during their lifetime characteristics that are useful to them, and that they pass on those characteristics to their offspring.  Darwin agreed with the first premise, that all organisms develop useful characteristics, but fundamentally disagreed that those characteristics could be passed on.

Lamarckian evolution as originally stated by Lamarck is no longer regarded as scientifically correct.  However, the concept that we can pass on to our children characteristics developed during our lifetime IS an accepted scientific fact.  Rather than Lamarckian Genetics this is referred to as Transgenerational Epigenetics.

This is not a blog on biological science, so why am I referring to the ability to pass on developed characteristics to our children?  For one very important reason.  If you join with me in believing you can pass on your non-inherited characteristics to your children you will want to ensure you give them the best possible start by ensuring you have worked hard on your own personal development.

Some people seem to think that working on their own personal development is a selfish activity, especially if they are spending money on it - money which could be used in other ways to help their family.  I want to reassure you that this is never the case.  It is always a very good thing to develop all the positive characteristics you can in yourself - and now you know that if you try to remove anything that is negative and improve anything that is positive you will be giving any children you may have a better start in life.

This is not, of course, restricted to epigenetic transmission.  It is also environmental.  Your children will recognize the positive aspects of your character and this will help them to develop positively themselves.  So it applies to children you already have, not just those who will be born in the future.

But what if you are no longer of child-bearing age, and your children are fully grown and developed?  Even then, this is still an important thing to do.  Adult children respect their parents, even if they don't always show that respect, and they can still learn from you.  And you can extend this even further - by developing positive traits yourself you can influence those around you, family, friends, and colleagues, to consider working on their own personal development.  Never underestimate the power of personal development to change the world around you.

Finally, you should note that just as you can pass on traits to your children, environmentally and epigenetically, so too you will have received such traits from your parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents.  Traits that may be hidden deep within.  Hopefully many of those traits will be positive, but not all will.  Some may have been appropriate many generations ago when they were first developed but are no longer so.  Use meditation, and other personal development techniques, to identify any traits within you that may no longer be helpful and to eliminate or modify them appropriately.

Integrity

Do you have integrity?  Is it important to have integrity?  What does it mean anyway?

My dictionary gives two definitions of integrity:

1.  Honesty and holding oneself to consistent moral and ethical standards
2.  Being whole and undivided

Most people view these as two different and unconnected definitions, but to me they are inextricably linked.  The link words are "consistent" and "undivided".

Deep within you there is a moral compass.  For some people this may be the voice of God, or the Holy Spirit.  Others may not choose the "God" word, and may refer simply to the Spirit within.  Yet others may not see it as anything other than their own code of conduct.  But whatever you may choose to call it, wherever you may feel it comes from, this compass guides you through your life, telling you what is right and what is wrong.  Most of the time you are fully aware, consciously, of what is the right thing to do.  But sometimes it is not so clear and the signs your moral compass gives you are more important to follow.  One aspect of having integrity is being aware of the leadings of that moral compass and consistently following them.

Notice I said "deep within".  It is important to dig deep and make sure you are truly listening to the leadings of your moral compass.  Many of us think we have consistent, undivided standards, only to find if we look very carefully there is a conflict between them.  Search deep within and you will find a clear, consistent signal.  Learn to trust that signal.  It is never wrong.  Sometimes, though, the signal is clouded by all the noise between your deep centre and your conscious mind.  So the signal we receive gives us a different message from that which is intended.  This can lead to great tragedy.  It can make you do things that are very wrong, but that you do with conviction as you believe they are the right things to do.  This particularly happens when people decide to focus on what they truly want to get out of life.  The right signal initially arises, but as it travels through your unconscious and subconscious it can change and no longer read true.  Continuing the compass analogy, it is as though there are many different magnetic elements within you which can distort the reading.

How can you know whether or not you are receiving a pure, unclouded signal from your moral compass?  As with most things in life, with practice.  Take time regularly to sit quietly.  Think of nothing.  When thoughts appear, do not allow them to distract you; do not react by trying to get rid of them, but just ignore them.  There is a big part of you that will object to this and will try to stop you doing it.  The only way it can stop you is to create those distracting thoughts and hope you follow them.  Don't.  By sitting quietly and ignoring all distracting thoughts you are allowing the "magnetic noise" within you to disappear.  This will then allow the true moral compass deep within you to reveal itself.

It doesn't come, of course, as a "big reveal".  You probably won't hear trumpets and suddenly know exactly what you must do.  It doesn't normally work that way.  Most of the time you will feel nothing has happened.  You have simply sat there in silence.  But what HAS happened is that you have opened and cleared a channel.  The more often you do this, the clearer that channel will be.  And when you actually need the leading of that inner compass it will be much easier to receive the right signal.

But how important is it to have integrity?

It is vital.  If you don't have integrity you will never be as comfortable as you should be.  If you truly have integrity life will feel so much better.  You will feel fulfilled.  The reason you will feel this way is that you ARE fulfilled.  You are living life the way it is meant to be lived.

If you truly have integrity you will find others respect you more.  They may mock you at times, but deep within they will know they can trust you.  This means over time you will find opportunities arise that would never have arisen if you hadn't spent time searching for that inner compass and following its leadings.

If you have integrity you will find that you are in tune with the Universe.  What you truly, deep within, want to happen will begin to happen.  It simply has to, as what you want is also what the Universe wants, and nothing can be more powerful than that.

So think about this deeply and carefully.  Do you truly have integrity which guides you absolutely on your path through life?  Spend time in silence allowing proper communication with that moral compass within and you will become unstoppable and totally fulfilled.

Prayer for Peace

In this article I hope to bring together people of very different beliefs, some of which are held very strongly.  I believe this is possible, although it is necessary for each of us to suspend any prejudice we may have about the beliefs of others.  Hopefully you will find I am not asking you to change what you believe, but just phrasing that belief in a way that should resonate with all my readers no matter what religion they follow (or even if they follow no religion at all).  Please try to bear with me on this, as the end result if you do could be an enormous surge of goodness and purity into a world that at the moment may seem to be filled with evil, danger, and dark powers.

When I look at the news there seems every reason to despair.  We read of violence in the Kenyan elections.  We hear of Kim Jong-un's threats to devastate the Western world with nuclear weapons.  We hear of Trump's counter threats to destroy North Korea completely.  We hear of 100 people dying in North Korea when a tunnel at its nuclear test site collapsed - and another 1,000 people dying when they tried to save those who were still alive and trapped.  We hear of moves in Japan to strip its constitution of its current pacifist position.  We hear of a threat by Daesh to murder a 4 year old boy (Prince George).  The list goes on and on ......

On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918 the war to end all wars ended.  Except it DIDN'T end all wars.  Since the Great War ended in 1918, according to the Polynational War Memorial, there have been 221 wars in which just over 67 million souls have been lost (compared with the 10.7 million lost in the Great War).

But despite all the above, I do not despair, and neither should you.

Do you believe in the power of prayer?  If you are a Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh, Jew, Daoist, Zoroastrian, Wiccan, or a believer in virtually any other religion you almost certainly do believe in the power of prayer.

Do you believe in the power of the mind?  Even if you do not subscribe to any religion, even if you do not believe in the existence of a Supreme Being (which may be called God, Allah, Atman, or something else), you should certainly believe in the power of the mind, the ability of using the mind to create enormous changes around you.

So whatever you believe, I want to ask you to do one thing which can totally negate all those negatives I have listed, all the equally horrendous things happening around us that I haven't listed, and all the horrible issues that are about to arise and that we simply haven't heard about yet.  I am asking you to pray.  I am asking you to use the power of your mind.  I am asking you to help bring Peace into this world.

When you pray, when you send out positive healing waves of thought, do not allow the despair you may feel any entry into your being.  There is an evil power abroad in the world.  Again, what you call it depends on your religion and/or your philosophy.  But whatever you call it, it is out there.  And it does not want you to pray for peace.  It does not want you to send positive, healing thoughts of peace into the world.  It will use any means possible to stop you doing this, and one of the easiest ways is to make you think that your prayer, your positive healing thoughts, will not make any difference.  But this evil power is a liar.  When it tells you that you cannot make a difference with your prayers or thoughts it is telling lies.  Recognize those lies for what they are.  If you are a Christian, when you feel that despair coming repeat the words Jesus himself uttered - "Get thee behind me, Satan!"  If you are not a Christian, think of a way to say something similar that fits your own beliefs.

Another way you can deflect the thoughts of despair, the thoughts that you cannot make a difference, is to use the technique I introduced in an earlier blog about beginning to meditate.  Don't try to counter the thought, just recognize it is there but carry on praying or meditating regardless.  Eventually the Evil One will stop trying to deflect you that way as he will realize it simply isn't working.  But then he will try another tack.  Instead of despair he will try to get you to think about something other than what you are praying about or meditating on.  Perhaps he will tell you that you are thirsty.  Maybe he will tell you that although what you are doing now is important there are other even more important things you should be doing.  But remember that Satan is the father of lies!  Whatever he is telling you is untrue.  So simply recognize that he has introduced this thought but ignore it.

Unless you have any religious objections to doing so, when you start your prayer or meditation session for Peace, use the "Purity" meditation I introduced a couple of articles ago.  I am not going to repeat the entire meditation here, as you can find it here.  But in summary, look up and see above your head a ball of light that represents everything that is good.  Draw this down into your body and allow it to fill you so you are one with it.  Feel it expanding until it fills the world.  Then begin your prayer or meditation for Peace.

Do this as often as you can.  It should only take a few minutes once you are used to doing it.  But especially do it on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, when maybe those around you are holding their two minutes silence honouring those who died in a war.  You will be honouring those men and women by asking for Peace, so that their suffering and deaths were not in vain.

I believe just one person doing this is releasing an enormous power for good in the world.  But imagine 10, 50 or 100 people doing it.  If 100 do it I believe it will not simply be 100 times as powerful, but many more times than this.  Spread the word.  Send your family and your friends to this blog so that they all know what to do and how to do it.

Believe me when I say this could be the most important thing you will ever have done in your life!  So do it!  Please!

Purity Meditation

In my blog last week I gave you an introduction to meditation.  But an "introduction" that even seasoned meditators have told me really helped them in their own meditations.  The concept was to focus on your breathing and then just ignore any thoughts that try to distract you - and don't get focused on "ignoring", as that is itself a distraction.

I mentioned that once you have got used to using this technique you can move on to meditating on a phrase you find helpful, for example from a sacred text.  I suggest you do this a lot, as you will find it will deepen your understanding of the relevance of that phrase to you, particularly in the stage of life in which you now find yourself.

But you should also try more active meditations.  These can focus both your conscious and unconscious minds on ways to improve your life and to increase your understanding of where you are now in your life.

One meditation I use every day is something I call the "purity meditation".  This gives me enormous benefit, massively increasing my understanding of what I need to do next.

Here is how to use the "purity meditation":

Begin, as always, with a "focused breath" meditation.  As you find yourself slipping comfortably into a fully meditating zone, with your eyes closed, imagine you are looking above your head.  Way above your head you can see a ball of light.  This light is the essence of everything that is good and wholesome in the universe.  Reach up (mentally - there is no need actually to life your arms up, although you can if this helps) and touch this pure light.  You will find that even though the light is hundreds or even thousands of metres above you, when you reach up for it the distance seems to be irrelevant.

When you touch the light, it immediately runs down your arms and fills you with light.  You are now reflecting in your entire body all the purity, goodness, and wholesomeness that the light represents.  Continue breathing deeply and just allow that thought to fill your meditation.

When you feel ready to move on - which may be seconds, minutes, or even tens of minutes later - feel the light moving down through your feet, going right down into the earth, right to the centre of the earth.  Your spirit is within the light, so your spirit is travelling down with it.  Feel yourself at one with Mother Earth.  A warm, comfortable, loving feeling then comes up from the centre of the earth and fills you.  This feeling fills you completely.

The light has filled you completely, but it then expands beyond your body and your spirit expands with it.  You feel yourself filling the room you are in.  Then it fills your house or the building you are in.  Everyone in that building is drawn into the pure light that is both your own spirit and the universe, which means they are now working with you to help you get where you need to be.

Allow it to expand beyond.  It fills the town you are in, bringing everyone in that town into your light and therefore helping you.  It fills your country, the world, bringing the whole world into cooperation with you.

Now it fills the solar system, the Milky Way, the known Universe, the entire Universe, the Multiverses of which our own Universe is just one.  Everything and everyone is with you, supporting you.

At this point, stop your active meditation, and just bask in the Light.  Again, this may be seconds, minutes, or even tens of minutes.  The purity and wholesomeness of the Universe has filled you.  Your aims in life are now focussed on that purity, and you and the Universe are working together in perfect harmony.

As you feel it is right to do so, gradually come back to your own body.  Focus on your breathing.  Open your eyes.

This is the Purity Meditation.  Use it regularly.  Use it well.  And see the big changes it can make in your life and the lives of those around you.

Starting to Meditate

How often do you meditate?  Every day?  Most days?  Every so often?  Never?

If you answered "every so often", let me ask you another couple of questions.  How often do you clean your teeth?  How often do you bath or shower?  Every so often?  When you have the time?  If so, remind me to keep my distance!  You need to clean your teeth at least once a day (most dentists will tell you at least twice a day) to maintain healthy teeth.  If you don't have time to clean your teeth you will not only find they gradually decay and fall out, but you end up having to spend more time sitting in the dentist chair perhaps getting fillings (or extractions).  Work out how long you have to sit in that chair and you will realize not cleaning your teeth because you don't have time is a false economy.  As for not having time to wash every day, hopefully you don't fall into that category!

If you answered "every day", then congratulations!  Although each time you meditate you gain some benefits, you will find the major benefits of meditation are cumulative.  The more you meditate the greater the benefits - although if you only meditate every so often you won't find much of a cumulative effect.  You should aim to meditate daily (or even more than once a day) to start really building up the benefits.

When I ask people the question about meditating, most tell me they don't really have time to do it.  Many recognize the benefits (or at least say they do) but say they don't have time to meditate regularly.  There is an old Zen saying "You should meditate for 20 minutes a day - unless you are too busy, in which case you should meditate for an hour a day."  This is so true!  Never say you don't have time to meditate.  If your excuse is that you do not have time I can guarantee that if you only took the time to meditate you would find it would actually create more time for you.  You might find something that took you an hour to do only took you half an hour.  The time you sat thinking, trying to find an answer to a problem, might no longer be required, as you could find the answer simply comes to you during or after your meditation.

Others answer that they don't know what to meditate on.  That should never be a problem.  In fact, simply answering the question this way indicates they don't really understand what meditation is!  It doesn't matter what you meditate on!  Just meditate!

Ok, it can be good to have something concrete to meditate on, I agree.  But don't think that is essential.  First learn the skill and habit of meditation itself.  Then you can use it as a tool to meditate on something specific.

Try this simple meditation exercise.  Sit quietly and focus on your breathing.  Don't think about your breathing, just focus on it.  Just be aware of it.  If you can sit there even for just 5 or 10 minutes focussed on your breathing you will have had a powerful meditation session.  Do this daily.  I suggest you do it at roughly the same time every day.  If you do this regularly enough it will become a habit.  My suggestion is you do it when you first get up in the morning.  Make it part of your morning routine, just like cleaning your teeth (or if you have dentures, just like the routine you used to have when you had teeth).

When you do the "breathing meditation" you will probably find lots of stray thoughts appear.  You may find yourself thinking "I mustn't think about anything other than my breathing", and then thinking "Oh, I shouldn't have thought that, as that is really something different from just focussing on my breathing" and it becomes a vicious circle.  The answer is just relax and listen to your breathing and don't worry at all about any thoughts that arise.  There is certainly something within you that doesn't want you to succeed, and it will generate lots of different thoughts to distract you from your meditation.  But those thoughts can only distract you if you choose to allow them.  Those thoughts will arise, but don't add to them by analysing them or trying to stop them.  You will find just that switch in emphasis is so powerful.  Once you realize that it simply doesn't matter, those thoughts lose their power to distract you.  The part of you that doesn't want you to succeed will, of course, keep trying.  Sometimes you will realize that you have been following a trail of thoughts without initially recognizing it was happening.  But when you realize that, simply focus on the breathing again.  Don't berate yourself.  Don't even say to yourself "I mustn't think about anything else".  Just focus on the breathing.

You will probably be surprised by all the tricks the "negative you" uses to try to stop you meditating.  I once found myself trying to calculate how many minutes I had stopped focusing on my breathing so I could add them to the time I would sit there meditating.  And then I realized that just thinking that through was also a distraction from my meditation!  The answer is that it doesn't matter how much you have been distracted.  Don't try to increase your meditation time to allow for the distraction.  If you do, you will make it virtually impossible to meditate properly, which is exactly what the "negative you" wanted!

Practise this breathing meditation every day.  When you feel it is working well, try using your newly acquired skill to meditate on something else.  Something very simple.  Maybe just one word.  Or a phrase.  If you are a Christian, take one of your favourite Bible verses and meditate on it.  If you are a Muslim, meditate on a phrase from the Qu'ran.  If you are a Sikh, choose a phrase from the Guru Granth Sahib.  Or take a quotation from someone you really respect.  Whatever you choose, be very careful.  Don't start trying to analyse it.  Simply hold it in your mind.  Treat it in the same way as you treated the focus on your breathing.  If a train of thought arises, simply be aware of that train of thought, but don't follow it, and don't tell yourself NOT to follow it.  Just hold the phrase in your mind.

What you will find is that the benefits of this focussed meditation will arise later.  After you have finished your meditation.

If you are new to meditation, try the approach I have just given.  If you have tried to meditate in the past but have found it too difficult, try the approach I have just given.  If you regularly meditate anyway, but worry that you are not doing it right, try the approach I have just given.  Do this, and I guarantee there will be positive benefits which will grow as you turn this daily meditation into an ingrained habit.

Choose Happiness!

How happy do you want to be?  Very happy?  Moderately happy?  Or maybe miserable?

Yes, that's it, isn't it?  Miserable.  You want to be miserable don't you!

No?  Are you sure?  You don't want to be miserable?

In that case, why do you sometimes choose to be miserable?

Yes, that is what I said - you choose to be miserable.

We each choose how we want to feel all the time.  If you are happy, it is because you have chosen to be happy.  If you are miserable, it is because you have chosen to be miserable.

At this point I expect many of my readers are ready to disagree, to argue with me.  "I do not choose to be miserable!"  they say.  "I am only miserable because of ..." and you can fill that gap with many different things.  "... what has happened to me", "... the situation I am in", "... what so-and-so said to me", "... what so-and-so did to me", "... the terrible time I am having", etc, etc.

I don't want to brush aside whatever may sometimes cause your unhappiness, or what may even be causing you unhappiness right now.  Well, actually, I DO want to brush it aside, or rather want YOU to brush it aside, but I don't want you to believe that I am underestimating its importance and its power.  Yes, I know it has power.  A lot of power.  And maybe you have thought that there is no way past it and that you are destined to be unhappy more often than you are happy.  But I want you to recognize first that, no matter how powerful it is, no matter how dark it seems, it can only exert that power against you if you allow it to do so.  Your emotions are yours, and you have both the power and the right to change them.  If you don't want to be miserable, choose not to be miserable.  If you want to be happy, choose to be happy.

Have you heard of Nick Vujicic, the founder of "Attitude is Altitude"?  "Attitude is Altitude" believes that whatever our circumstances we each have the power to be successful.  If you have not come across Nick Vujicic before, then perhaps you are thinking "it is all very well for him!  He doesn't have to face what I face!"  True - Nick doesn't have to face what you face; only you have to face that.  What Nick has to face is having been born without arms or legs.  Not even being able to pick up a toothbrush to brush his teeth.  Is Nick miserable?  No!  He is happy!  If you have ever watched him speak you will have seen him filled with joy, totally inspired, and radiating that inspiration to all around him.  Despite his disabilities, Nick decided he wanted to swim, surf, and skydive, so that is what he did.  He decided he wanted to speak in front of thousands, inspiring them to achieve whatever they want to achieve, and that is what he does.  If you believe that circumstances, the situation you are in, is what causes you to be unhappy, then Nick should be very unhappy.  But he isn't.  Nick is happier than most people who are in good health and have all four of their limbs.

I am not saying it is easy to suddenly decide to be happy rather than be miserable.  Like all good things in life it requires practice.  But believe me when I say that practice is absolutely worth it.  Giving you the ability to be happy no matter what!

The first step to achieving this is to recognize where happiness and unhappiness come from.  They don't come from circumstances.  They don't come from your surroundings.  They don't even come from the people around you - although if you are surrounded by happy people it is much easier to allow that happiness to well up from within you too, and if you surround yourself with unhappy people it is very easy to forget to choose to be happy yourself.  So by all means do whatever you can to be surrounded by happy, positive people.  Do whatever you can to change your circumstances if they are not conducive to happiness.  But even as you do so, remember that ultimately the happiness you want has to come from within you.

Here is some advice from a person who has been dubbed "the world's happiest man" - Matthieu Ricard.

1  Stop thinking "me, me, me" all the time.  Not for ethical reasons, although I do believe it is far more ethical to think of others rather than yourself.  But the reason it is difficult to be happy if you just focus on yourself is because you will quickly see all the things that are wrong, that need to be changed.  You will tend to see what you don't have rather than what you do have.  And you will exhaust yourself trying all the time to find ways to change things.  I am not saying don't try to change things - it is always good to have targets you want to reach, things you want to achieve.  But don't spend all your time thinking "me".  Instead, think about others and how you can help them.  This has a double benefit.  Firstly, it stops you thinking "me, me, me", which is, as I have said, one of the easiest ways to make yourself unhappy.  Secondly, you will find as you help those around you so they will want to help you.  This should not be the motivation for helping them, but it will certainly over time change the circumstances you are in for the better.

2  Start training your mind to be happy.  Begin by setting aside just 15 minutes a day thinking happy thoughts.  Normally when you have happy thoughts they are ephemeral.  One minute they are here, and then suddenly they are replaced by unhappy thoughts.  In that 15 minute training period, focus on those happy thoughts and don't let them just melt away.  Other, less positive and less happy, thoughts will try to intrude, but brush them aside when they appear and switch your attention back to those happy thoughts.  If you meditate you will recognize that what I am suggesting here is a form of meditation.  But not "normal" meditation, which perhaps will just focus on your breathing or the light of a candle.  There is nothing wrong with "normal" meditation, and in fact I strongly encourage you to practise it (and using breath or the light of a candle is a very good way to do so).  But for this specific "happiness" exercise, focus on a happy thought.  Do this every single day, and in only two or three weeks you will feel so completely different.

Finally, remember to be grateful for all that you have.  No matter what your circumstances I can guarantee there is something to be grateful for.  Find that "something" and express your gratitude.  It may be something very small.  That doesn't matter.  In fact, it is good if it is small.  Learn to feel grateful for the small things, and the bigger, more obvious things will make you even more grateful.  And gratitude and happiness go hand in hand.

Recognize from now on that you have the right to be happy, that you can choose to exercise that right.

Decide to be happy from today!

Everyone Makes Mistakes

Greeting and Salutations from Ari Mc Intyre!

I have been getting positive feedback from the last article so I wanted to continue with my next statement "everyone makes mistakes."  This is so near and dear to me as a Spiritual Life Coach.  We learn with challenges. Notice what I am saying: "With" challenges.  The only way we grow is with a situation that requires us to be the best we can be.

Most days I am researching, developing and listening to feedback from my Spiritual Coaching clients about what is working for them and what is not.  So when I say to you everyone makes mistakes I am speaking from experience.

You are your own worst enemy.  You will find faults where others would not even dare to look.

Why?

Because we need to learn how to trust, believe and support ourselves and others in our lives.  We are all connected whether you want to entertain that idea or not.  It's important to accept and understand that from the beginning so you can learn how you deal with life challenges.  Knowing yourself helps you to laugh at yourself and not take yourself so seriously.

You see, life is what we make it.  A part of life is making choices which can lead to mistakes.  This doesn't mean we will always make bad choices or keep making the same mistakes.  Knowing yourself is the key to not allowing every setback, every challenge and every bad turn of event make you shut down and stop trying to achieve your goals.

In my coaching I have seen many of my clients move from being average, everyday people to folks who are now running very successful businesses.  How did that happen?  By making a lot of mistakes and a lot of decisions.  That is how!

No-one can hurt you or help you more than yourself.

Here is an affirmation that has help me over the years to stay on the right path for me:

I, (state your full name) forgive myself for making bad choices.  I let go and let my higher power now guide me to my true path.  Under Grace in the Perfect Way!  And so it is!

I would suggest you light a Lemon Verbena Communications candle when you make this affirmation so you can set the stage for a relaxing mind set.

This is a really good affirmation.  Try saying it over and over again and you will see significant changes in your life.

Learning how to forgive yourself is the key.  Recognizing you have made poor decisions is hard, but the right affirmation, aromatherapy and lots of love can help you grow into the person you would like to be.  I have seen remarkable changes in people who do this.

Here are some suggestions on ways you can reduce the mistakes you make:

1. Slow down.  Take a few moments to think carefully about what you are doing so you can be more certain you are not making a mistake.
2. Talk to a trusted person.  It is always good to speak with someone who knows you and believes in what you are doing.
3. Do a Pro and Con list before you make your final choice.

Making mistakes is a part of life.  Don't let your choices rule you.  Make informed decisions so you can continue till your reach your goals.

Please check out my website and if you have any questions, comments or suggestions please email me at candlesbyari@gmail.com.

Love and Light

Ari

Who is Ari Mc Intyre?

Ari Mc Intyre is a Spiritual Life Coach with a successful live weekly radio show (Spiritual Coaching with Ari Mac) that is carried by I Heart radio, a maker of affirmation aromatherapy candles, and a writer.

She has been working as Spiritual Life Coach for over 15 years.

Ari uses her gifts of intuition and clarity to tune into an individual's situation and assist them to make better choices.  Ari facilitates these changes utilizing affirmation aromatherapy candles, spiritual coaching and keen observation with her expertise in the study of human nature, reading astrology charts and tarot cards and using energy healing to help each individual achieve their goal.  She has successfully guided her clients from being single to marriage, through life changing career moves, processing grief and manifesting dreams with counsel and divine guidance.  Ari says that FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real and that is why we all need a little positive energy in our lives.

Ari uses affirmation aromatherapy candles to help a person tune into their higher power.  Once you have achieved what you want, you have to maintain it with daily meditation & prayers.  Acquiring something is one thing but maintaining it is entirely different.

Her goal is to help you learn how to control your balance, think clearly and make smart choices to help maintain that balance.  Her acute sense of human nature makes working with Ari a truly enjoyable experience.

Ari believes God has a sense of humor, which is why sometimes things are so ironic.  It's not funny when it's happening but when it's done, if you look back on it, you may find an ironic divine path that you never knew existed.

No one is perfect but we can all do a little better each day.

Hidden Benefits of Meditation

by

Ari Mc Intyre

Greeting and Salutations

I wanted to give you a reminder of why meditation on a regular basis has hidden benefits on your life.

My name is Ari Mc Intrye.  I have been a Spiritual Life Coach for over 10 years and one of first things I teach my students is to meditate.

What I have found in my journey of life is that most people only meditate in a few restricted places. Usually at home or at places of worship.  Recently major companies like Google have set up quiet meditation stations at work to allow their team members to relax.  The results have been incredible!  Production has increased, because being regenerated gives the mind and body a chance to reconnect.

You see, when we are refreshed and centered we can get more done in a shorter amount of time.  Our minds are clear to think about how to use our energy.  Making meditation a part of your daily life keeps the mind and body deeply connected so you can stay calm.  Which helps you make better choices.  Which keeps you mentally balanced.

What many people don't understand is that meditation doesn't have to be complicated.  It can simply be just focused breathing for at least 5 minutes a day.

Sounds simple, right?  So why don't more people do it?  Because you will have to clear your mind for that 5 minutes and think of nothing but breathing and listening to your own heartbeat.  That's right, you will have to listen to yourself.  Hear what's your body is trying to tell you and, more importantly, slow down and tune out the rest of the world!

The benefit in making this commitment is way beyond what you could imagine.  Your body gets a break from within.  The chemicals in your body get replenished with fresh air and your mind gets a moment to rest.  Think about it - outside of sleep, when do you take mental breaks?  Best of all this is FREE!   You can do meditation at your leisure.  Nothing is needed but you, a safe place, and no distractions. 

The trick is setting up that safe space.  I have been teaching about using affirmations, aromatherapy and colors for years, and these will all help you in your meditation journey.  You would be surprised how a simple adjustment to where, when and how you meditate can lead to manifesting whatever you like on the physical plane, which is the major hidden benefit of meditation.  But you must first start the journey on the mental plane.  You get to create the life you have always dreamed about.  I know this happens because I have witnessed it happening in my students all the time. 

So make the effort to start your meditation journey today and begin reaping the benefits.

Soul Garden Meditation

What exactly do you want to achieve in your life?

When I ask this question I typically get one of two reactions.  Either a person immediately tells me a dream they have, or they stumble around mentally and find it difficult to come up with an answer at all.

If you fall into the former category, and immediately know what it is you wish to achieve that is probably a very good start.  I say "probably" as quite often people are absolutely convinced that they know what they want to achieve, but what they REALLY, deep inside, want is something very different.  Maybe it really was the right dream earlier in your life, but we all evolve and our dreams change as we change.  Or sometimes, for many different reasons, our true dream morphs into something else as it passes from our unconscious to our conscious mind.  We think it is one thing, but deep inside it is something else.  So even if you believe you know exactly what you want you should still attempt the following exercise.

If you find it difficult to come up with an answer, it is very important to find out what it is.  Unless you really know what you want to achieve, how do you expect to get there?  How do you know you are moving in the right direction?

Make sure you are alone and that nobody will interrupt you, then try this exercise.  Don't worry if the first few times you try it you don't feel, see, or take in the things I am telling you to be aware of, as each time you practise this you will find it becomes easier to go deeper and get greater benefit.

Lie down and close your eyes.  Breath deeply and slowly.  Focus on your breathing.  Listen to the sound it makes.  Notice that thoughts try to come into your head to take you away from this meditation.  Notice, but don't focus on them.  Don't give them power by trying to stop them or getting irritated about them.  Just notice they are there but ignore them.  Keep focussed on your breathing.  In ... Out ... In ... Out.

Keep doing this until you feel yourself completely relaxed and at peace.

Now allow your focus to go deep inside and then straight down.  Feel yourself at one with Mother Earth.  Notice the warm, comfortable, loving feeling that comes up from the depths of the earth and fills you as you do this.  Allow this feeling to expand through your whole body.  As you do this, feel yourself expanding with it.  Your true inner spirit is now filling your body and going beyond.  It is filling the room you are in.  Allow it to keep expanding.  Now it is filling your entire home (or the building you are in).  Good!  Allow it to keep expanding beyond.  Now it is filling the town you are in.  It is growing even further.  The country.  The world.  Expanding beyond the world, to fill the solar system.  Beyond the solar system to encompass the whole of the Milky Way.  Recognize that now you are one with the Infinite Spirit.

Lie still, just basking in and accepting this new Universal Spirit "you".

Come back to yourself, your inner spirit.  Know that you are "you", but that the Universal Spirit is within you.

This is an exercise I recommend whenever you begin a meditation of any kind.  You can even do this by itself and will reap tremendous benefits if you do it regularly.

You are now ready to begin today's meditation.  Know that you are looking for the goals you have in your life.  Take that knowledge with you and then see yourself opening a gate and entering a garden, the garden of your soul.  See what this garden looks like.  Is it overgrown?  Is it the opposite - almost a desert?  Is it filled with beautiful flowers?  Is it filled with fruit and vegetables?  Remember what you first saw when you entered the garden and be ready to write this down in a notebook after your meditation.

No matter what your soul garden first looked like when you entered it, now see flowers, trees, bushes, fruit and vegetables growing there.  Even if before they were withered and sorry looking, now they are fresh, lively, and beautiful.  As you look at each plant in your garden allow it to speak to you and tell you what it is.  Again, be ready to write this down when you finish your meditation.  Be open to whatever message each plan in your soul garden gives you.  You may feel that you need to water some of the plants.  Do so if this is what you feel.  You may find some that are threatening and are clearly weeds.  If this is what you feel, pull them out.  Do whatever you feel your inner spirit is telling you to do, remaining open to the messages it is receiving.

When you have finished wandering through your soul garden, go back to the gate, open it, and walk back up the path that is taking you back into your daily life.  Focus again on your breathing.  In ... Out ... In ... Out.  Lie there relaxed and observing your breathing.  Slowly, when you feel ready to do so, open your eyes.  Smile.  Then sit up.  Your meditation is over.

Write in your meditation journal all that came to your during this meditation.  If you don't have a meditation journal, see if you have an empty notebook of any kind and make it your meditation notebook.  If not, then just write today's meditation on any blank paper you have to hand.  Later, buy a notebook, ideally one with a pretty cover, one that makes you feel good when you look at it, and that is now your meditation journal for recording what happens, what you feel, what images and ideas come to you each time you meditate.  Why didn't I tell you to do this before I took you through your meditation?  Because your mind will use any excuse it can to stop you meditating to improve yourself, and one way it may do this is by telling you that you cannot meditate yet as you don't have a meditation journal!

Look at what you have written.  Do clear goals appear?  Often, they do.  But also it often takes more than one meditation of this kind to make those goals clear.  Don't give up.  Keep doing this meditation regularly until you have identified your true inner goals.

Once you have those goals, great!  You can now take the right steps to begin achieving them.  But also keep returning and examining those goals, as they will change as you change.  Use this meditation regularly and ensure you stay on track.

Mindfulness

I want you to imagine you are sat on a beautiful white sand beach that is almost deserted, there is a lovely salt water smell in the air, there is the sound of waves gently washing into the shore and behind you there are birds happily singing in the trees.  The sun is shining, so it is quite hot, but there is also a lovely, balmy breeze.  All is well with the world around you.

This is a scene I frequently use in positive meditations.  But I am not setting this scene up for a positive meditation right now.  Rather the opposite.  Because whilst you are sat on this lovely beach you are not sitting on the sand but on a chair in front of a desk.  You cannot really hear the waves and that beautiful birdsong as you are talking on your cellphone (or what we Brits call your mobile).  You are not relaxed at all, because the phonecall is a business call, and on the desk in front of you is paperwork you are dealing with while sat on that beach.

How do you feel about this scene?  Are you happy with it?  Or does it feel horribly wrong?  I hope the latter!  It certainly feels very wrong to me.

I am using this discordant image as a metaphor for what psychologists call "default-mode network".  Put simply, mind-wandering.  Which is something most of us do, without even knowing we are doing it, a large percentage of the time.  There is loveliness and beauty around us but we miss it completely because we are not paying any attention to it, just like that businessman on the beach.  We are in default mode.

Not only do we miss the beauty of what is around us when we are in default mode, but also most of the time our mind has a tendency to wander into dark, dismal, miserable areas that cause us stress and worry when we allow it to go into default mode.  It tells us all the things that are wrong or that could go wrong.  It criticizes decisions we have made.  It tells us we are silly wanting something better.  Default mode causes us a lot of unhappiness even when what is around us should make us very happy.  It focuses on "what if", with an inevitable bias to all the negative "what ifs".

The opposite of default mode is mindfulness.  Being fully engaged with the present moment.  Enjoying what is here now.  Focusing on and dealing properly with what is here now.  The "what is" rather than the "what if".

There is so much around you that you can enjoy if you cultivate mindfulness.  Don't miss what is around you, but rather make sure you take full advantage of it.  Perhaps the song of a blackbird nearby.  A beautiful sunrise or sunset.  A tasty meal.

Mindfulness is not simply about enjoyment, but also about getting things done properly, and even about staying safe.

Take driving a car as an example.  When you drive you should most certainly be mindful.  Your focus should be on the driving, on what is happening on the road, not (for example) on what is going to happen when you get wherever you are going, and certainly not on a conversation someone in the car is trying to have with you or, even worse, someone at the other end of a phone conversation!

You have probably heard it said that women multitask better than men.  Do you agree?  Well, really that is a trick question, because neither men nor women can multitask at all.  Our brains cannot deal with two things at once.  If you give your brain two tasks to perform it will perform them sequentially, not in parallel.  It may appear to multitask and deal with both at the same time, but what it is actually doing is switching between the two tasks sequentially.  Research has shown that when we are switching attention from one task to another there is up to half a second of complete oblivion when we are totally unaware of anything in either task.

Now that you are aware of the problem, let's go back to the driving example.  If you are chatting and driving at the same time your mind is switching between those two tasks, and each time it switches there is that fraction of a second when you are completely unaware of either.  Do you see the danger here?  I hope so!  What can happen in, say, half a second while you are travelling at, perhaps, 60 mph (or 96 kph for my metric friends)?  The answer is, a lot!  You will have travelled 15 yards, or 14 metres in complete oblivion.  Happy about that?  I hope not!  The reality is neither your driving nor your conversation will be anywhere near as good as it should be.  Be mindful!

In this modern technological age there are so many gadgets and "apps" around us that can interfere with mindfulness if we let them.  Alerts, instant messages, beeps on our phones to tell us someone has texted us.  Each of these will rob you of your mindfulness if you let them.  Don't let them!

How can you acquire mindfulness?

There are many techniques you can use, but the very first and easiest is simply to decide you want to be mindful!  Once you have made that decision you will become much more aware of being dragged into default mode.

As with most things, the more you practice this the easier it becomes.  It may not seem that way, as you will also become a lot more aware of the distractions trying to move you from mindfulness back to default mode, but that awareness is a good thing as it will help you develop the skill better.

Meditation is a very good way to improve mindfulness.  Especially, but certainly not exclusively, meditation techniques that focus on mindfulness.

Look for ways to increase your mindfulness.  Learn to stop and smell the roses.  Become more aware of when you are falling into default mode so you can control this.  By doing so you can increase your enjoyment of even the small pleasures of life, and you may even save your own life and/or the lives of others by being more mindful the next time you drive.