Wednesday 16 August 2017

Choose Happiness!



How happy do you want to be?  Very happy?  Moderately happy?  Or maybe miserable?

Yes, that's it, isn't it?  Miserable.  You want to be miserable don't you!

No?  Are you sure?  You don't want to be miserable?

In that case, why do you sometimes choose to be miserable?

Yes, that is what I said - you choose to be miserable.

We each choose how we want to feel all the time.  If you are happy, it is because you have chosen to be happy.  If you are miserable, it is because you have chosen to be miserable.

At this point I expect many of my readers are ready to disagree, to argue with me.  "I do not choose to be miserable!"  they say.  "I am only miserable because of ..." and you can fill that gap with many different things.  "... what has happened to me", "... the situation I am in", "... what so-and-so said to me", "... what so-and-so did to me", "... the terrible time I am having", etc, etc.

I don't want to brush aside whatever may sometimes cause your unhappiness, or what may even be causing you unhappiness right now.  Well, actually, I DO want to brush it aside, or rather want YOU to brush it aside, but I don't want you to believe that I am underestimating its importance and its power.  Yes, I know it has power.  A lot of power.  And maybe you have thought that there is no way past it and that you are destined to be unhappy more often than you are happy.  But I want you to recognize first that, no matter how powerful it is, no matter how dark it seems, it can only exert that power against you if you allow it to do so.  Your emotions are yours, and you have both the power and the right to change them.  If you don't want to be miserable, choose not to be miserable.  If you want to be happy, choose to be happy.

Have you heard of Nick Vujicic, the founder of "Attitude is Altitude"?  "Attitude is Altitude" believes that whatever our circumstances we each have the power to be successful.  If you have not come across Nick Vujicic before, then perhaps you are thinking "it is all very well for him!  He doesn't have to face what I face!"  True - Nick doesn't have to face what you face; only you have to face that.  What Nick has to face is having been born without arms or legs.  Not even being able to pick up a toothbrush to brush his teeth.  Is Nick miserable?  No!  He is happy!  If you have ever watched him speak you will have seen him filled with joy, totally inspired, and radiating that inspiration to all around him.  Despite his disabilities, Nick decided he wanted to swim, surf, and skydive, so that is what he did.  He decided he wanted to speak in front of thousands, inspiring them to achieve whatever they want to achieve, and that is what he does.  If you believe that circumstances, the situation you are in, is what causes you to be unhappy, then Nick should be very unhappy.  But he isn't.  Nick is happier than most people who are in good health and have all four of their limbs.

I am not saying it is easy to suddenly decide to be happy rather than be miserable.  Like all good things in life it requires practice.  But believe me when I say that practice is absolutely worth it.  Giving you the ability to be happy no matter what!

The first step to achieving this is to recognize where happiness and unhappiness come from.  They don't come from circumstances.  They don't come from your surroundings.  They don't even come from the people around you - although if you are surrounded by happy people it is much easier to allow that happiness to well up from within you too, and if you surround yourself with unhappy people it is very easy to forget to choose to be happy yourself.  So by all means do whatever you can to be surrounded by happy, positive people.  Do whatever you can to change your circumstances if they are not conducive to happiness.  But even as you do so, remember that ultimately the happiness you want has to come from within you.

Here is some advice from a person who has been dubbed "the world's happiest man" - Matthieu Ricard.

1  Stop thinking "me, me, me" all the time.  Not for ethical reasons, although I do believe it is far more ethical to think of others rather than yourself.  But the reason it is difficult to be happy if you just focus on yourself is because you will quickly see all the things that are wrong, that need to be changed.  You will tend to see what you don't have rather than what you do have.  And you will exhaust yourself trying all the time to find ways to change things.  I am not saying don't try to change things - it is always good to have targets you want to reach, things you want to achieve.  But don't spend all your time thinking "me".  Instead, think about others and how you can help them.  This has a double benefit.  Firstly, it stops you thinking "me, me, me", which is, as I have said, one of the easiest ways to make yourself unhappy.  Secondly, you will find as you help those around you so they will want to help you.  This should not be the motivation for helping them, but it will certainly over time change the circumstances you are in for the better.

2  Start training your mind to be happy.  Begin by setting aside just 15 minutes a day thinking happy thoughts.  Normally when you have happy thoughts they are ephemeral.  One minute they are here, and then suddenly they are replaced by unhappy thoughts.  In that 15 minute training period, focus on those happy thoughts and don't let them just melt away.  Other, less positive and less happy, thoughts will try to intrude, but brush them aside when they appear and switch your attention back to those happy thoughts.  If you meditate you will recognize that what I am suggesting here is a form of meditation.  But not "normal" meditation, which perhaps will just focus on your breathing or the light of a candle.  There is nothing wrong with "normal" meditation, and in fact I strongly encourage you to practise it (and using breath or the light of a candle is a very good way to do so).  But for this specific "happiness" exercise, focus on a happy thought.  Do this every single day, and in only two or three weeks you will feel so completely different.

Finally, remember to be grateful for all that you have.  No matter what your circumstances I can guarantee there is something to be grateful for.  Find that "something" and express your gratitude.  It may be something very small.  That doesn't matter.  In fact, it is good if it is small.  Learn to feel grateful for the small things, and the bigger, more obvious things will make you even more grateful.  And gratitude and happiness go hand in hand.

Recognize from now on that you have the right to be happy, that you can choose to exercise that right.

Decide to be happy from today!


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