Wednesday, 25 May 2016

What do you want?

What do you want in this life?  What do you want to become?  What do you want to achieve?  What do you want to acquire?  Where are you headed, and should you be headed there?

These are very important questions.  If you don't know what you want, if you get it then it will be by accident.  More likely, you will simply not get it.  If you DO know what you  want, what you REALLY want, then you have every chance of getting it.  You can start working towards it.  No matter how distant it might seem right now, every step you take can be a step closer to achieving it.  Also, if you know what you really want you can send signals to the universe that you want it, and the universe will start working with you so you can get it.

The most important step you can take in your personal development is to find out what it is you really want.  The most important step, but often the biggest and most difficult step.

Most of us think we know what we want.  We think that because we think it must be silly not to know.  Everyone knows don't they?  Actually, no.  I would say far fewer than 50% of the population really know what they want.  In fact, based on in depth interviews I would probably say only a very small percentage really know the answer to this.  That is why so few people achieve it.

Even if you think you feel quite strongly about what you want to achieve, you may be wrong.  Have you ever sat in silence and questioned yourself about your goals, about what you really want?  I strongly suggest you do that, and do it soon, even if you think you know.  If you are wrong, then every day you delay is another day of moving in the wrong direction.

Why might you think you know what you want, and yet be completely wrong?  This is far more common than you may think.  We are all impressionable beings, especially when we are young.  Perhaps your parents wanted you to achieve something and you imbibed this and then took it for your own idea.  This could be a career decision for example.  I wonder how many doctors or lawyers there are who wish they had become train drivers!  Perhaps your spouse wants you to become someone that isn't really you.  Or your friends have convinced you that you want to have something that you don't necessarily really want to have.  Maybe your employer has made you think you want to be a really good ... (fill in the gap here, depending on your job).

It is very important to cut through all this "noise" and get to the real truth.  The question "why" is a very good way to do this.

Just as an example, let's say you have decided you want to become a millionaire.  Begin by asking yourself why you want to become a millionaire.  Don't be satisfied by just the first answer, but keep digging.  For example, you may say "because I want to buy a big house".  Ask yourself why you want a big house.  How will you feel when you own it?  What will you do with it?  When you answer those questions, ask yourself "why" again.  Keep asking it.  Keep digging deeper and deeper to find out exactly why you have this desire.

You might be surprised with some of the answers you get.  Sometimes the answers will reveal that you were wishing for the wrong thing.  Maybe not completely wrong, but still not quite right.  Perhaps the reason you wanted to become a millionaire is that you want to live in a nice house by the sea.  But do you need to be a millionaire to achieve that?  Do you even need to be at all wealthy to achieve it?  I am not saying that a desire to be very wealthy is wrong, but just that you should know, in depth, exactly why you want this.  By doing this you will be able to think laterally and achieve some of those things without needing to wait to become wealthy.

I like to think of this process as peeling to the core of our being.  In our outer layer we have the things that everyone around us can see.  Peel that back and there are the things that our friends and family see.  Peel that back again and there are the things that only our closest friends and family can see - perhaps just our spouse or life partner.  Peel that layer back and you will find things that not even your closest friends and family know about - just the things we alone know.  Then peel that layer back and find the things even you didn't know about yourself.  That is when the real work is done.

Bear in mind as you do this that you are not looking to be purely selfish about things.  You are not saying "I am going to be what I want to be, do what I want to do, acquire what I want to acquire, and never mind anyone else!".  You are just trying to get to the bottom of what it is you really want.  Having done that, you may decide that one of the things you really want is to please your spouse.  So whatever that thing is your spouse wants you to achieve you will work on achieving.  Not necessarily because you want that per se but because you do really want to please your spouse.  It would be a good idea, though, at that point to include your spouse in the exercise.  Get your spouse to ask the same questions about what they want.  If they realize the dream they had for you is not a shared dream but that you are ready and willing to make it so, that should strengthen your relationship with them.  But at the same time they may now change their own ideas about what they want for you.  You will be sharing your dreams together instead of trying to make each other live a dream that may not be the right thing for either of you.

Don't expect, though, that all of your initial beliefs about what you want will be wrong.  Some most certainly will be.  But others may not.  The exercise is equally valuable for those things that you do really want.  By asking "why" and keeping on asking it as you go deeper and deeper you will awaken inner powers that will align with the universe and help you achieve those things.  This is an exercise that is vital if you really want to be all that you can be and achieve all that you can achieve.

Don't try to become what others want you to be.  Don't change just to make others like you.  Change because you want to change.  Find out what you really want to be and then become that.  Do that, and the right people will love you for it.  Those who don't are people who should not be in your circle anyway.