Self Sabotage

"I am no good at ..."  Fill in the blanks - perhaps with "remembering people's names", "public speaking", "negotiating" ... anything at all, really.

Now, is this something you have ever said?  Perhaps out loud to others in an attempt to excuse yourself.  You don't want them to feel bad, so you say "I am no good at remembering".  So it is not that they are "unmemorable" but it is entirely your fault.  You say "I am hopeless at directions".  So it is not that they are no good at giving you directions, but just that you are really bad at following directions.

If you have never said anything like this I would suggest you are very much in the minority.

Perhaps, though, you have never said something like this out loud - but have said it quietly to yourself.  Not to spare someone else's feelings but because you feel guilty in some way and want to excuse yourself.

Whether you have said something like this out loud or simply expressed it internally, what you have done is to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you say "I am no good at maths", then you will be more likely to fail at maths.  Perhaps you weren't particularly good at maths, but by saying "I am no good at maths" you are guaranteeing you will become even worse.  Every time you say this, or even think it, you will worsen your ability at maths.

If you say "I am hopeless at relationships", you will find relationships don't work for you.  You are destroying existing and future relationships simply by saying this!

If you say "I cannot dance - I have two left feet!", you will find no matter how hard you try to dance, it simply doesn't seem to work for you.  Perhaps you wanted to learn to dance properly because your partner enjoys dancing and you want to share in that experience.  But by saying this you are making it far less likely you will be able to share that hobby properly.

Now that you are aware of this problem, try to identify when it occurs.  Keep alert and I suspect you will be very surprised.  Unfortunately most people do this not just once or twice a month, not just once or twice a week, and probably not just once or twice a day!  They do it many times a day!  No wonder they find they are not able to achieve some of the things they would really love to achieve - they have a voice inside that tells them they are no good at .... (and the voice simply fills in the gap with virtually everything they want to achieve).

So stop sabotaging yourself!  Promise yourself right now that never again will you create a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure!  When you hear that negative inner voice starting to say "I am no good at ..." counter it with "I am really good at ...".  It won't necessarily turn you into a world expert but at least it will begin to counter the self-sabotage you have probably been conducting for most of your life!