Like a Little Child

Are you like a little child?

My Christian friends will be very familiar with this verse from Matthew 18:2-3:

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them.  And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

But I believe this is not simply a religious verse, and certainly not one that is only for Christians.  All of us who are trying to improve ourselves and the circumstances in which we live should take note.

As we go through life we acquire more and more rules that constrain us.  Those "rules" limit our freedom to be what we are truly capable of being.  They stop us from developing our full potential.

One big difference between an adult and a little child is that the child has very few internalized rules.  A child knows there are certain rules that must be followed, but those are mostly common sense rules and ethically sound rules, not the massive rule book that most of us carry around without even realizing it.  Also, in a lot of cases those rules are not yet internalized.  The child knows that if he or she does not follow the rule, and that this is noticed by an adult, something bad might happen.  But if an opportunity to break the rule arises, that opportunity may well be taken.

I am not, of course, suggesting that we throw our rule books completely out the window, living our lives selfishly and without being concerned at all about the consequences of our actions.  Certainly not deciding that we will only follow a moral code when we are being watched but break every rule in that moral code when nobody will see.  So what, exactly, am I suggesting?

The first step I am suggesting is to recognize the burden you are carrying.  The burden of a "book of law" you are carrying and trying to follow, most of which is simply not appropriate.

Your "book of law" is what is stopping you from growing and bearing fruit in the way you could and should do.  It is stopping you following those dreams and ambitions you had as a little child.  It is stopping you becoming a much happier, much more fulfilled person.  Most of what is in that rule book is simply not appropriate.  In the main it does not consist of rules you have consciously studied and decided are right for you.  It mainly consists of rules that you have "acquired" through your life and which were thrown at you by others.  Many of those rules are hidden deep within your subconscious mind.  Not only were they created for you by someone else, or by the experiences through which you have lived, but you never actually consciously examined them and agreed they were the right rules to follow.  So begin by deciding you will throw away this inappropriate rule book.  Make a decision now that you will not allow it to control you any longer.

Having decided you will throw away the rule book, make sure you replace it with a set of rules that you DO wish to follow.  Spend some time thinking about those rules.  The time you spend doing this is very important, as it will determine the direction your life will now take.  Choose wisely and your life in the future will be very different.

Each of us must make our own decision here.  It is not for me, nor for anyone else, to tell you what should be in your rule book.  For those who are religious it may be whatever is your holy book.  The Bible, the Qu'ran, the Tanakh, Guru Granth Sahib, the Vedas, the Tripitaka or some other holy canon.  For those who are not religious it may be a set of ethical principles you truly believe are important to follow.

I have said I will not impose my own rule book on you, and I will not.  But I will tell you what I have decided should be in mine, and it is then up to you if you find this fits comfortably into your own situation.

My number one rule is the Golden Rule.  "Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law".  Another quote from the book of Matthew in the Christian Bible.  That is my absolute, unbreakable rule.  Any other rules I decide to follow always have to fit comfortably with the Golden Rule.

My number two rule may surprise and disturb some of my readers, but hear me out before you reject it.  This rule is one introduced in the early 1900s by the magician Aleister Crowley and is the basis of his Thelema philosophy.  It begins as follows:  "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law."  Many people completely misunderstand this rule and think it means there is no rule at all and that we should all do exactly what we like, no matter what the consequences for those around us.  But this is not the case.  Read the second half of this rule: "Love is the law, love under will."  This fits nicely with the Golden Rule.  If we truly make love the centre of our rule book we cannot go far wrong.  The real meaning of "Do what thou wilt" is that you should find your own true path in life.  You should discover your true "will" that is hidden deep within you.  Find what it is you really want to achieve in life and go for it!

So, become like a little child.  Remove the fetters that are preventing you becoming what you truly could and should become!  Enjoy the freedom of a little child, but still controlled by rules that you have studied and with which you fully agree.

Creating a New World

What kind of world do you want to live in?

Think about this seriously and carefully for a while.  Don't put any limitations or boundaries on your thinking.  Imagine you have an absolutely clean slate and can make the world around you exactly as you want it to be.

There may be something you regard as of vital importance.  If so, then certainly change this, but don't stop there.  Imagine the world with that one thing changed but then, keeping this new world in focus, move to the next thing you would like to change.  Work on this for a while and build up an inner picture of this lovely new world you are creating.

Quite probably you will have changed the physical environment around you, perhaps in ways that only seem possible if you are very wealthy.  But don't get stuck in thoughts about this environmental change to the detriment of everything else.  What about the people around you?  Would they be any different?  In what ways.  Be specific.

Imagine what life is like for you in this new world.  How does it make you feel?

Spend as much time as you like creating this lovely new world.  It feels good, doesn't it!  So spend time creating it and immersing yourself in it.  Get the most out of this experience.

There are a number of very powerful things you are doing when you use this exercise and create your new world.

1. You are making yourself feel good.  There are plenty of things around that can make us feel bad if we allow them to do so.  By following this exercise you are countering those influences and allowing yourself to be happy.
2. You are creating an inner picture of what you would like to achieve and what you would like the Universe to help you achieve.  Most of us do not spend enough time working out what we want to achieve.  If you don't have a clear vision of where you want to go, how can you expect to get there?
3. You are sending out very powerful creative signals.  I happen to believe in an all-powerful creator, and perhaps you do too.  But I also believe the life force itself is creative.  Look around you and you will see signs everywhere of what you have created.  Some, perhaps most, will be good.  Some will be not so good.  But it has all been created by you.  Focus your creative energies on the right targets and you may be surprised by just how much change you can make in the world around you.
4. You are telling the Universe what you want to achieve and what you want it to help you achieve.  This is similar to the third reason, but also goes beyond it.  With the power of the Universe behind you there is so much more you can create and change in your world.

You are recognizing, perhaps for the first time, what is important for you.  Once you recognize this then you simply have to go out and get it.

Probably one of the things you wanted to change was the way people around you treat you.  Is that the case?  Even if you didn't originally include this in your vision, now that I have raised this is there anything you would like to change about the way you are treated?  I am sure if you think deeply about this you will find many changes you would like to see.  Well I am now going to let you into a secret.  Creating this change is not difficult.  This change begins in you.  How do you want to be treated?  Well start treating others around you in exactly this way.  Some will not respond well at first, but don't give up.  Keep behaving in this way, doing unto others what you would have them do to you.

My Christian friends may have recognized a quote from the Bible here.  Matthew 7:12 - "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." 

In fact, the exercise we have just been practising is really summed up in the verses leading up to this.  Listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 7:7-12:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

I realize not all my readers are Christian, but this "Golden Rule" is not just a Christian belief.  Here is what, according to the Hadith, the Prophet Muhammed said on the subject:

The Prophet said: "As you would have people do to you, do to them; and what you dislike to be done to you, don't do to them."  Kitab al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 146

In the Talmud, Hillel the elder said "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow: this is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn." Shabbath folio:31a, Babylonian Talmud

For my Hindu friends - "One should never do that to another which one regards as injurious to one’s own self. This, in brief, is the rule of dharma. Other behavior is due to selfish desires." Brihaspati, Mahabharata (Anusasana Parva, Section CXIII, Verse 8)

For my Buddhist friends - "One who, while himself seeking happiness, oppresses with violence other beings who also desire happiness, will not attain happiness hereafter." Dhammapada 10. Violence

In Sikh teaching - "Precious like jewels are the minds of all. To hurt them is not at all good. If thou desirest thy Beloved, then hurt thou not anyone's heart." Guru Arjan Dev Ji 259, Guru Granth Sahib

No matter what religion you follow, there is a version of this "Golden Rule" within it.  In most religions, as indicated in the above texts, it is one of the most important instructions to follow.  But also if you have no religion, if you even hate the idea of religion, the "Golden Rule" is still for you.  It is the underlying basis of Humanism, in which it is known as the ethic of reciprocity.

I recommend you make creating your new world a daily exercise.  Every day do the above visualization, and every day put the Golden Rule into practice.  Bit by bit you will see a whole new and better world unfolding around you.

How to make a difference in the world

In my last blog I talked about how nobody can be too small or too insignificant to make a difference.  You make a difference all the time just by being who you are.  One person can make a real difference in the world, and if you have been reading my blog for a while you will have read stories of individuals who have done exactly that, sometimes in quite dramatic ways.

Some readers have asked me to be more specific.  "How can I make a difference?" seems to be a commonly shared question.

The first thing you must recognize is the importance of the little things.  These are the things that often truly make a difference in life.  If you run a business you will probably realize this.  Many of us who run businesses will have tried to find the really big change we can make and got frustrated we could not find it.  Those of us who remained successful probably did so by recognizing there is not one big thing we need to change but rather lots of little changes.  Each change of itself seems almost insignificant, but when you make a number of changes they multiply the effect rather than simply add to it.  It is the same with making things better in the world.  Do not expect there to be one big thing that jumps out and that you have to work on to effect change.  Almost certainly that will not happen.  You just have to do little things that improve the lives of those around you.

One of the first that comes to mind is expressing gratitude.  Too few people do this, so those who do make a significant change in the lives of people they meet - a good change.  Gratitude is really important.  Spend time thinking about all the things for which you should be grateful.  In many cases there will not be anybody specific you need to thank, but make sure you cultivate the habit of being grateful even when there is nobody to thank.  But there will also be lots of cases where there IS someone you can thank.  Make sure you do it, even if some time has passed.  There is a double benefit here.  You will almost certainly be making someone else feel really good, which can then multiply the benefit like ripples spreading out in a pond, but you will also be setting yourself up for receiving more of whatever it is you are grateful for.  Recognizing what you should be grateful for and then expressing that gratitude should become a habit.  Eventually you will do it without having to think about it, just like any other habit.  People will notice your gratitude and it will make you rather special in their minds.  It will encourage them to do even more things for you.  As I said, a double benefit.

Another important way of making a difference is to follow the Golden Rule.  In other words, always try to do to and for others what you would wish them to do to and for you.  Well, to be honest I would modify that rule slightly.  Empathize with those around you.  They may not actually want the things you want.  Try to feel what it is they would appreciate and do that for them.  The Golden Rule is a very good rule to use when you don't know people very well, so continue using it, but do everything you can to get to know people with whom you have any contact so you can treat them the way they would like to be treated.

As Gandhi said, be the change you wish to see in the world.  If, like so many Miss Worlds, you want there to be world peace, you have to start that within yourself.  Do everything you can to be a peaceable, non-violent person.  Whenever you are tempted to react in anger, pause.  Think about the situation from the perspective of the other person and modify your response.  Recognize that violence between countries and between people usually arises because of misunderstandings and the lack of ability to see things from a different perspective.  This attitude will then spread and "infect" those around you.  Unless you are the president or prime minister of a powerful country this is the only way you can create world peace, but believe me when I say it is very powerful indeed.

Think about what it is you do in life.  Your job for example.  If you really want to make a difference think about whether the work you do can make that difference.  If you are in a caring profession, for example nursing, teaching, social work etc, then it most certainly can.  These are jobs that make a difference.  But making a difference is certainly not restricted to these professions.  It may be that you will decide as a result to change career.  If not, then think about how you might change the way you work so that you make a difference to the lives of your work colleagues.

Be there for your friends.  This has so many meanings, and they are all important.  Yes, if a friend needs to know you are there to listen and sympathize then do that very simple but important thing for them.  Really listen to them and respond appropriately.  Do not be like the cartoon husband who just keeps saying "Yes, dear!" to his wife but isn't listening to a word she is saying.  When you are physically present, be mentally and emotionally present for them too.  Don't be like those you see who spend so much time texting friends who are not physically present that they pay no attention to those who are!  Be mindful, be aware, recognize the wonder that is around you - be fully focussed on what you are doing with your friends rather than thinking about, for example, what you are going to do next.

One practical tip which I mentioned in the previous blog, but which is so important I will say it again, is to smile.  Smiling is a universal sign of friendliness.  When you smile at someone it is much easier for them to smile back than to frown.  Believe it or not there was a study on this very subject in Sweden in 2002, where people were told to smile or frown when looking at photos of people smiling or frowning.  Sometimes they were told to smile in response to a frown or frown in response to a smile, and sometimes they were told to smile in response to a smile and frown in response to a frown.  The study proved beyond any doubt that if someone smiles at you it is easier to smile back than to frown.  Just think about this for a moment.  You smile at someone and this causes them to smile.  They may still be smiling several seconds later when they meet some other people.  Each of those people they meet then smile, and that too is reflected in the people they meet.  Just one smile from you can make an enormous difference.  Remember, when you smile you will be happier than when you frown.  Just as your inner emotions reflect physically in smiles or frowns, so those smiles or frowns reflect emotively in the way you feel. And yes, there have been scientific studies that prove this too!  So to create happiness in both yourself and those around you, simply smile!

There will certainly be plenty of things you can do to make a difference in the world that I have not listed here.  Each of us has very different circumstances and can effect change in so many different ways.  But if you try all of the above, and keep doing those things, I can promise you that the world will be a very much better place both for you and for those around you - and probably even for people the other side of the world through chance happenings of which you may never be aware!