Serenity

In the 1930s  Reinhold Niebuhr wrote what has become known as the Serenity Prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."

All three elements of this prayer are important.  Clearly if we see something that should be changed and know how we can change it, then change it we should!  But it is also very important to take proper note of the other two elements.  Recognizing the things we cannot change and accepting them the way they are.

Most of us interpret the world around us far too personally.  We think that everything revolves around us, just as people before Galileo believed the sun revolved around the earth.  So when things are not the way we think they should be, we view this as a personal attack.  Perhaps not consciously, but definitely unconsciously.

This links back to my previous article.  There I discussed how we take the words of others too personally, which then effectively turns those words into magic spells against us.  What others say to us is conditioned by something in them, not in us.

But this also applies to the world around us in general.  Many people see this as a hostile world.  It is not.  It just seems that way to you.  Sometimes bad things happen.  Not because we deserve them.  Not because of something we did or said.  They just happen.  Yes, sometimes they ARE a result of, or at least influenced by, something we did or said.  But often they are not.

It is good to try to identify when something bad (or something good) has resulted from our own actions or words.  If we can see there is a link then we can change our behaviour to make it less likely something bad like this will happen again, or more likely something good like this will happen again.  That is "courage to change the things I can".  But have the "wisdom to know the difference" and recognize that most things are not personally linked in this way.  They just happen.

I happen to believe we all have a lot of power to change the world around us in a very positive way.  If we use that power properly we can achieve great things and have wonderful, happy lives.  But I also know that the things people say to me, the things they do to me, the situations that arise every day which are not the way I want them to be, are mostly nothing to do with me.  They are to do with those other people, and to do with simply the way things are.  They are not personal and I do not take them personally.

If you can really adopt the Serenity Prayer as your own life philosophy I truly believe you can have a much happier and a much more fulfilled life.  Try it!

Change Your Mind About Your Body

by

Tahlee Rouillon

“Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..” – Baz Luhrmann

For many years I believed the only way to get my ideal body was to whip it into shape with lashings of shame and hate. For some bizarre reason that I couldn’t fathom at the time, this strategy was unsuccessful.

It resulted in fluctuating weight loss / gain, injury, pain, and a whole lotta misery.

If I lost weight, I always needed to lose more. If I felt overwhelmed, I ate my emotions and put the weight back on. No matter what I did, I never felt good enough.

Fortunately, I was blessed to receive the assistance of a gifted therapist to overcome my disordered relationship to food, exercise and my body. And whilst I still sometimes struggle, I have found when I consistently practice these 5 tips, my body and life are so much happier!

1. Acceptance

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.” – Albert Einstein

Acceptance does not mean that you never want to change. It doesn’t mean that you’ll give up all desire to be fit and healthy and turn into a gluttonous slob.

It means that you wholeheartedly recognise where you are in your health journey with kindness and compassion, rather than piling on guilt and shame about where you “should be”.

Acceptance gives you permission to acknowledge where you are and also where you’d like to go. It’s far more motivating and sustainable than the self loathing that accompanies the “shoulds”.

Thinking about how much you should weigh, how faster you should be able to run, how stronger / fit / toned you should be is dejecting and usually leads to resentment.

Whenever I resented or felt ashamed about the way I looked, I was more likely to skip workouts or conversely, workout too much and end up injuring myself. Accepting where I was at on my health and fitness journey allowed me to approach workouts with much more kindness and joy.

2. Stop Comparing!

Stop comparing yourself to others, yourself to how you were yesterday or even how you were 5 years ago. Comparison truly is the thief of joy as it either leads to smug superiority or feelings of shameful inferiority. And as you already know, shame is not a sustainable motivator.

Recognise that you have unique abilities in this present moment. Honour the journey that has brought you to this place and renew your commitment to living your life of awesomeness.

A great first step is to go on a media diet.

Get rid of the magazines that uphold such ludicrous ideals of beauty. Even though you’re an intelligent person and you KNOW those models are digitally altered (making their beauty even more unrealistic) your primal brain doesn’t.

Your primitive brain, deep below your neocortex, is hardwired to accept reality as, well, real. It has no way of knowing that the images it sees in magazines are illogical and deceptive. It’s why movies and books are so powerfully entertaining and immersive.

The less material you have to fuel self-comparison, the better off your mental health will be.

I’ve even given up reading health and fitness magazines because I find that I end up focusing too much on the women’s bodies and how I stack up, instead of focusing on the fitness information.

3. Turn Down the Inner Bully

We all have a harsh inner monologue that criticises and blames us for when things go wrong, or that arcs up when things are about to get risky.

You know – the voice that is overly concerned with things being perfect, safe and secure. The voice that says things about you that you would NEVER say to anyone else.

Mine is particularly nasty if I’ve put on weight, if I’m trying something new, or if I’ve stuffed something up.

But just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to listen to the horrible things they say.

Recognise the harsh, repetitive, adrenaline fuelled messages for what they are. Anxiety. They are not true statements about you, your personality or your potential.

4. Turn Up Your Inner Bestie

Transforming your critical monologue is as simple as treating yourself as you would your best friend.

Not always easy if your Inner Bully has been running rampant for a while – but simple.

The next time you begin to feel the dead-weight dread of your Inner Bully – imagine the situation that is causing the anxiety is happening to your Best Friend. What do you say to them when they are sick, scared or suffering? What do you do for them to soothe them? How do you treat your loved ones when they need your compassion?

Whenever I imagine how I would treat my bestie, there is often a large gap between how I would treat them and how I treat myself. Giving myself permission to be kind to myself has been a big step towards loving myself and my body more.

5. Mindfulness

Staying aware and focused in the present moment is at once grounding and liberating.

In an age of hyperconnected 24-7 lifestyles, the ancient wisdom of mindfulness is more vital than ever. Slowing down and appreciating the present moment gives you the opportunity to be grateful for all you have.

I’ve found mindfulness to be excellent at reducing my anxiety, which helps prevent emotional eating. It helps my pay more attention to hunger and satiety clues, helping to prevent overeating. And it gives me focus, which vastly improves the quality of my workout.

Practicing mindfulness can be as simple as taking 10 minutes per day just to sit quietly and breathe. The intention is not to stop thinking, or to avoid thinking negative thoughts. The goal is to quietly witness the thoughts without attaching judgment or criticism. Whenever you get distracted, just gently guide your attention back to the physical sensation of breathing.

Mindfulness is definitely a practice. The more I do it, the more familiar it becomes and the benefits flow into all areas of my life.

Do you struggle with body image? How do you motivate yourself to stay fit and healthy? What other tips would you suggest for positive body love?

About Tahlee Rouillon

Tahlee Rouillon is the Major Instigator of The Attitude Revolution (http://attituderevolution.net/about/). She helps body haters + binge eaters (herself included) do a 180 degree turn toward loving who they are and the bodies they’re in. She has a degree in music, is a certified Personal Trainer, and has a really loud laugh.