Choosing Your Emotions

Did you know that you choose your emotions?  They are not caused by external events.  They are caused by your own choice, your own decision of which emotion you are now going to experience.

Most people react quite badly to what I have just said, even though it is the absolute truth.  Perhaps you are one of them?  Here is what you might say:

"Do you think I would deliberately choose to be miserable?"

"I am angry because of what just happened, not because I want to be angry!"

"How can I choose to be happy when something like this happens to me?"

The common theme here is that it is events around us that create our moods.  "I am angry because ...".  We externalize our emotion.  We are victims.  We want to be happy, but we cannot because ....

It really doesn't matter what words you put after "because ...".  It doesn't matter, because whatever you put there is NOT the reason for your negative emotion.  YOU are the reason.

It is true that external events can trigger emotional responses.  And in some cases those triggers are very strong.  I am not denying this.  But the final decision about what mood you are going to be in comes from you.  No matter what the trigger, no matter how strong it may be, it cannot force you to experience a particular emotion.  Only you can do that.

Learning to maintain positive emotions no matter what the external circumstances may be is not an easy task.  It is not even necessarily the right thing to do.  Negative emotions have a purpose.  For example, if a loved one has just died you will have a mix of negative emotions, including grief.  It is important to pass through that grief.  But the grief is not caused by the death - it is a choice we make in reaction to the death.  A choice we SHOULD make.  The same thing applies, to a lesser extent, to other negative emotions.  You mustn't bottle up your feelings and try to pretend you are happy when you are not.  Choose to experience those negative emotions at the right strength and for the right time.  Then let them go.  What do I mean by "the right strength"?  I mean they should not be so powerful that they make you do things you should not do and would not choose to do in normal circumstances.  Don't, for example, become Michael Douglas in the film "Falling Down"!  Certainly don't fire a gun in MacDonalds because they have stopped serving the breakfast menu and you want breakfast!

Begin learning to control your emotions just by choosing your emotions in every day circumstances.  Choose to be happy when you would otherwise perhaps have been in "neutral gear", when nothing particularly bad has happened but neither has anything particularly good happened.  Choose not to be angry when a driver cuts you up or does something else that is silly or perhaps rather dangerous.

How do you choose the right emotions?

If something has happened which would normally make you angry, try to see it in a different light.  For example, the driver who cut you up - maybe imagine he is completely naked!  Now think about how silly he looks and laugh.  Or in a neutral situation where you would normally be a bit unhappy for no particular reason, think back to an event that made you happy and imagine yourself there.  Feel that happiness, then bring it back with you.

There are, in fact, many techniques you can use to choose the right emotions.  Some are quite specific.  Look out for training on "state change" - in fact I will probably write a blog article about creating "state change", so keep an eye out for it.

For now, just accept that you are in control, that whatever emotion you are feeling has been chosen by you.  If you don't like that emotion it is within your gift to change it.

The Secret of Success

Many people search for the "Secret of Success" as if it were the Philosopher's Stone which will change base metals into gold.  They look for a hidden, magic secret.  Something really magical and obscure.  The one ingredient that will change everything.  All they need to do is find this one magical ingredient and their whole life will change!  Just as the alchemists failed in this task, so those who search in this way are doomed to fail too.

There are, of course, many "Secrets of Success".  Some are vital, but many are additional helpful tips likely to improve your search for success but not absolutely essential.

I regularly give my readers many of those additional tips, both here and in my newsletters.  If you have not already added yourself to receive my newsletters, do so now at http:\\www.beallican.com and also receive four free e-books to help you achieve success, however you may personally define success.

One absolutely vital "Secret of Success" is to define "Success" properly.  What exactly does success mean to you?  Do not just accept the first glib answer that comes to mind.  This is an extremely important step.  If you do not get this right it is just the same as trying to plan a journey somewhere when you have no idea where it is you are going but do know it is vital you get there and nowhere else!  Can you imagine anything sillier?  Yet this is the way most people unfortunately begin their search for success.  And then they wonder why they do not succeed!

When you do arrive at an answer, do not simply accept it.  Question it.  Why is this so important for you?  What will your life be like when you have it?  How will that make you feel?

Sometimes, this questioning process will make you realize what you are aiming for is not so important after all.  This is a good result.  It means you can now find what really is important.

If you are really aiming for the right result you should find strong positive emotions are attached.  This is both a sign you are on the right track and also a vital tool that will help you reach the end goal.  Those emotions are what will drive you there as long as you keep expressing them.

There are many tools out there to help you focus those positive emotions and use them to drive you to your goal.  This is what affirmations are all about.  It is what vision boards are all about.  Stoke up those emotions and you will find yourself well on the way to achieving whatever it is you want to achieve.

Now you will need persistence, of course, and the ability to learn from failures so you find the right way to reach your goal.  If that goal is worthy of your efforts there will probably be roadblocks in the way, so you must not give up at the first block you encounter.  But where does this persistence, and the determination to keep going no matter what, come from?  It comes from those powerful emotions you stoked up when you defined your goal and which you keep stoking up every day to keep you on course.

So that is the "Secret of Success" in a nutshell.  Find what you truly want to achieve, live it in your mind and spirit, and supercharge your journey towards it with powerful positive emotions.  Do this properly and you will get there.  Certainly use the great tools that are out there to help you get there quicker, but never forget that this is the true "Secret of Success".