Why Have an Accountability Partner?

I have previously written about accountability partners, but as that was over three years ago, and as this is such a key concept in any personal development strategy I make no apology for doing so again.

If you have a full-time job let me ask you something.  Why do you bother going to work each and every work day?  Why don't you just stay at home on days you don't feel like going to work?  I hope your answer was that you are morally bound to do so, that if someone is paying you to do something then it is a moral imperative to do it!  But there is also probably another answer - you have to keep going because you are accountable to your boss.  If you just decide you won't turn up because the weather is nice and you want to sunbathe in your garden, then probably your boss will question you about this (at the very least!).

If you run your own business then maybe you feel there is nobody to whom you are accountable?  This is not really the case, though, is it!  Your accountant works for you rather than vice versa, but I imagine when you meet with your accountant and discuss what has happened over the year you feel accountable.  You are also accountable to your suppliers.  If you just decide not to turn up and your business goes downhill, you still have to pay your bills, so you are certainly accountable to them.  It is true, though, that this kind of accountability is not quite the same.  You probably don't get words of encouragement for doing the right thing or suggestions that you may be going in the wrong directions - although if you have a good accountant then perhaps you do get this.

If you are studying, then you are accountable to your teachers or lecturers.  They expect you to arrive in time for your lessons and to be fully prepared to learn.  They expect you to do work in between the lessons, and make you accountable for this, perhaps by handing in an essay.  If you have "off" days when you really don't feel like going in, you probably still go anyway - because you are accountable.  Sometimes you may feel you simply aren't making progress and that you might as well give up - but even then you still put in the effort because you are accountable, and the feeling that what you are trying to do is impossible passes.

The truth is, if we have someone to whom we are accountable this almost certainly makes us do what needs to be done.  It makes the employed person get up early every day no matter whether he or she feels like doing so.  Perhaps most days this is simply a habit you don't think twice about, but on those days when you don't want to get on with it then this accountability makes sure you do!

Hopefully you now recognise just how important accountability is.  That it keeps you going, keeps you on target, makes you achieve what you need to achieve even at those times when you really don't feel you can.

Now let me ask you.  Who is your accountability partner for the goals you wish to achieve?  Do you have one?  If not, why not?

Some people at this point tell me they don't have a partner because they don't need one.  Usually they are deceiving themselves.  We all have days when it just seems too much of a challenge.  We have days when we find we are going backwards rather than forwards.  Those are the days we really need an accountability partner to keep us going.

Others tell me that although they would like to have an accountability partner they cannot find the right one.  Certainly it is true that it shouldn't just be anyone.  It has to be someone who will be positive, and certainly not the kind of person who says "I told you so!" when you pull up at the first hurdle.  You should be surrounding yourself with people who are positive and will support you in going for your dreams.  You need those people around you anyway, not just to have accountability partners, but this is certainly the first place you should look.  But if you haven't yet made much headway in creating that "mastermind group" of like-minded people, there are certainly other ways of finding an accountability partner.  For example, go to a forum that is related in some way to whatever goals you have set yourself and ask someone to do an "accountability exchange".  They will be your accountability partner for your dreams in exchange for you doing the same for theirs.  You should find this a very positive experience.  Many people who do this find they become inspired by the goals of their accountability partner and the way their partner works through the barriers stopping him or her from reaching them.

Give it a go!  Get yourself an accountability partner and see what a difference that makes to your ability to make your dreams become your reality!

Why You Need a Life Coach

Why do you need a life coach?  What does a life coach actually do?

Many people completely misunderstand the main purposes of a coach, and how the right coach can really help them achieve whatever it is they want to achieve.

First and foremost, a coach is not there to tell you what to do.  A good coach knows it is important for YOU to realize what you need to do.  At the stage where you are working out what to do, the coach will help you discover from inside yourself what it is you really want to do.

You may well think that is an unneccesary step.  After all, you already know what you want to achieve, don't you?

Well I would suggest you probably don't yet.  In earlier posts I have gone into great depth about ways to unearth your true desires.  You may now realize that very often (in fact, I would go as far as to say in most cases) what you initially think you want to achieve does not properly reflect your true inner desires.  As long as you are striving for something that is not fully aligned with your true inner desires it is like trying to swim or paddle against a very strong tide - maybe you will eventually get there, but only after a great deal of immensely hard struggle.  And when you DO get there you don't feel as satisfied as you ought to, as you haven't achieved what you really wanted anyway.

A good coach will therefore start with that.  What exactly is it that you want to achieve?  Is it truly aligned with your inner desires?  Each coach will have quite different ways of doing this, and often you will not even realize this is what they are doing, but the end result is the same: you recognize what you really want to achieve.

Even if this was all a coach did for you it would be well worth the time and money invested.  But for most coaches this is just the first step.

In order to get from where you are to where you want to be you have to take some action.  Yes, the Universe wants you to get there, and will provide an enormous amount of help for you to get there, but first you have to take action yourself.  What action?  Well here is where a good coach will help you take the next steps.  The coach will work with you to help you identify where you are starting from and what steps you need to take in order to move in the right direction.  It is not the case, though, that the coach will have a pre-prepared plan and simply give you that plan to follow.  Everyone has a slightly different goal from everyone else, even if the goals look quite similar, and everyone is starting from a different place.  By this, I don't just mean your own personal circumstances, albeit those circumstances are certainly extremely important.  But I also mean your state of mind, the strength of your desires, the spiritual strength you have.  What the coach will do is work with you to help you identify all these key factors so you start moving in the right direction.

Finally, but just as important as all the earlier steps, your coach will be there with you in spirit on your journey.  He or she will help you stay focussed, help you negotiate the many unexpected obstacles you will undoubtedly find along the way, help you prime yourself with the right motivation to continue that journey even when you may despair of ever reaching the goal you have defined.  The coach will be someone who will make you accountable.  We all need to be accountable to someone, even if that someone is just ourselves.  But having a coach makes it much less likely you will give up along the way and forget to be accountable.

I hope this article has helped you recognize the value a good coach can add to anyone's life.  Perhaps it has also made you recognize that you, too, could become a good coach and earn a very good living by helping others achieve their goals.  Let me know if this is the case and I will be happy to put you in touch with someone who can help you do exactly that!  Or try this page:

https://www.betterhelp.com/

Setting Goals

Before you read any further, just humour me.  In the next 10 seconds, please write down the number one goal you are working towards.  Not a goal set by someone else, but a goal you personally subscribe to and are trying to achieve.

Done?

I can already hear the complaining voices.

"10 seconds is not long enough.  I need more time."  Is your goal that complicated?  I didn't say give me chapter and verse of the goal.  Just write down what it is.

"It's not fair!  I need longer to work out which of all my various goals is number one!"

Did either of those thoughts occur to you?  If not, congratulations!  You are already very much closer to achieving your number one goal than almost everyone else who is reading this article.

But if you didn't manage to do it, don't despair.  You are not alone.  The reality is that very few people truly set themselves goals and persevere in trying to achieve them.

The reason I gave you such a tight time limit is to stop your subconscious mind from cheating, thinking up a goal and then convincing you that this is a goal you set yourself some time ago.  No, I am not joking.  This IS the way all our minds work.  There are many psychological experiments that have been conducted which prove our minds manufacture memories that support and justify views we now have.  So if your subconscious mind thinks that it is important to you to know that you have been working towards a goal it will happily create that goal and then give you a false memory of having set yourself that goal and even of having started working towards it.

I have read somewhere that only 3% of the population set goals, and only 1% write them down.  If you couldn't complete the exercise it doesn't mean you are a failure, just that you are very similar to virtually the whole population.

Let me ask you a question.  Imagine your favourite team is trying to score a goal.  The trouble is, for some reason every member of the team has a mental block and cannot see where the goal is or remember where it was before they lost sight of it.  They don't even know where it should be, as the shape of the field has changed, so there is no longer a logical place it could be hiding.  How likely do you think it is that they will score the goal?  If you have said anything much above 0%, please go to the back of the class!  Ok, you are not in school, this is not a class, and I am not a teacher, so you don't go to the back of the class - just try again!  If you want to score a goal you really do have to know where that goal is!  Otherwise you will never score.  That is not rocket science, just good old common sense!

It is the same with personal goals.  If you don't know what your goal is, why be surprised that you never achieve it?  If you really have a clear personal goal and really are trying to achieve it, you will know what that goal is and writing it down in 10 seconds is no problem at all.

So the first step in achieving your goals is to set them in the first place.  Set REAL goals.  Ones to which you can really commit.  And the first step in setting them is to write them down and study them carefully.  Look at each goal in turn.  How do you feel when you read it?  Does it excite you?  Energize you?  Make you feel really happy?  Enthusiastic?  If it does, put a tick by it; that is a real goal.  If it doesn't, cross it out; it isn't a true personal goal for you.

Even if you completed the first exercise and are congratulating yourself for being in the top 3%, still do the second exercise.  If the goal you wrote down doesn't come up to scratch, then put it aside and find out what your real goals should be.

For some people this little exercise works first time.  If it does for you, great!  You have found your goals.  Now you just need to go through them prioritizing them.  Once you have done that, focus on your number one goal.  Write it out really clearly and neatly.  Ideally, do that on a piece of A4 paper in landscape view, with nice big writing.  And draw a neat border around it.  Focus on it every day, making sure it is in your mind so that you can begin to make progress towards it.

Now you are not just in the top 3%, but in the top 1%.  The 1% who not only know what their number 1 goal is, but have also written it down.

I am not going to tell you the story of the 3% of Harvard or Yale MBA graduates who made ten times as much as the other 97% combined, simply because they wrote down their goals.  Sometimes it has been reported as Harvard and sometimes as Yale.  It doesn't really matter which one you say, as the story simply isn't true even though you will find it all over the internet.  But it also doesn't matter that it is not true, as it IS a parable, and it is a very good one.  Myths and parables are very powerful, and you should learn to utilize that power.  Write down your number one goal and you WILL have a much greater chance of achieving it.

Communicate your goal to someone, along with the steps you are going to take to achieve it.  That is really important.  If you communicate your goal and the actions you have committed to taking you will have an even greater chance of achieving it.  Don't do this with someone who is likely to be dismissive and tell you that you are silly to have such a goal.  Ideally you should find an accountability partner, and you should then share your goals and action steps with each other.  If you are unable to do this, then share your goal and actions in the comments section of this blog, and simply imagine all the readers of my blog holding you accountable.  When you have completed the steps, communicate that you have done so.  When you have achieved your goal, communicate this too.

Unlike on the football field (or ice hockey rink, or whatever image sprang to your mind when I asked about your favourite team), life goals don't stay in the same place forever.  They change position.  So you need to keep on top of your goals.  A goal that used to be your number one goal may no longer be right at the top, or may even have been replaced altogether.  Perhaps it is no longer relevant.  Or perhaps you have now achieved it, or as much of it as you need to achieve.  We are a very adaptable species, so adapt!  Find out what your new number one goal is.

There is a lot more I could write about setting goals, but I think this is enough for now.  Explore your inner self to find the right goals, identify the number one goal, write it down, communicate it, and keep focused on it as you go through life.  Believe me when I say this one exercise will make an enormous difference to your life!

Are Accountability Partners Worth It?

If you are considering finding an accountability partner you may be feeling a little dubious about it. Are they really worth it or do these sessions turn into friendly chats where nothing is ever achieved?

This is going to depend on your purpose for getting an accountability partner in the first place. It will also depend on just how serious you are with your weekly or monthly goals. Any meeting can turn into a friendly chit-chat if you allow it.

My advice to you is before connecting with an accountability partner determine what your goals and desires are for wanting one. Do you really want to be held accountable for your actions? Or maybe you are lacking socially and are looking for more of an excuse to chat with someone? If so, then maybe being more active in social media or running your own Facebook group could be a better alternative for you.

Once you have set your goals for wanting an accountability partner your next step is finding one. Many online forums and communities have special sections for connecting with potential accountability partners. Take a look at those forums which you visit frequently and see if they have one.

If you are active on social media you could post that you are looking for one there. Do you know anyone else that uses an accountability partner?  Why not ask them where they found theirs?

This is definitely not something that you want to rush into. It is important to find the right person so that you will both benefit from your meetings. Write out a list of qualities or traits that you are looking for. You may want a person who is of the same gender and age as you. What about time zones? Is connecting with someone on a totally different continent going to work?

Use Skype or Facebook chat to connect with possible partners and get to know them. You don't want to make a rash decision and you do want to get along with the person as well.

Remember though, that you are being accountable to each other. This means that you both need to be able to take criticism and feedback from each other. Quite often it is much easier to be the one offering feedback than to be on the receiving end.

Plus you are going to have to be honest with your accountability partner when you don't meet your goals and deadlines – if that happens! While there is no need to be fearful of missing a goal, you do need to know why you missed it. A family emergency may have come up or maybe you don't know why you missed your goal. Actually this can be a good thing and a benefit to having an accountability partner.

If you are in the habit of missing deadlines it is possible that a person looking in from the outside can see things that you are missing. This could just be that your workload is so heavy that you don't have the time to get anything new. Or they may see that you spend way too much time on Facebook or visiting forums each day.

Once any problem areas have been identified it is up to you to take action and remedy them. This is all part of working together as accountability partners. No one is the judge, in fact, you are both just trying to help each other set and meet goals on a regular basis.

Many business people have connected with accountability partners and have a business relationship that has lasted decades. There is no reason why this couldn’t turn into a similar experience for you and your new accountability partner.