Saboteur

Have you ever wondered why it is that just as you are about to achieve success someone grabs the prize before you?  A little like the final stage of a race, where you are ahead of the field and then someone (who has perhaps been pacing better) comes out of nowhere and runs past you in the last few seconds.

Or sometimes do you find someone seems to work against you just after you have reached your goal and achieved success?  Completely destroying that success?  An unknown someone.  Invisible.

Does everyone seem to conspire against you, stopping you getting what you really want out of life?

These are very common problems, and probably most of us face them from time to time, if not all the time.  So perhaps we should try to find out who is working against us and why.

Well I think I can answer that question for you right now, even though I know very little about you, your circumstances, and what you are trying to achieve.  The person working against you is YOU!  Not any of your friends or enemies.  Just YOU.

Even when it seems to be clear who has done this, when you can see the person grabbing the prize before you, the culprit is STILL you, and only you.

How can that be, and why?

In the case of someone snatching the prize before you there are probably two factors involved here, both controlled by you.

Firstly, to use a horse racing analogy, you are pulling on the reins to slow the horse down just as the winning post comes in sight and the first prize appears to be within your grasp.  You hesitate.  And he who hesitates is lost.  For some people this is pretty obvious when they stop and think what has happened.  They don't mean to give up right at the last moment, but that is exactly what they do.  Others, perhaps you included, will object and will deny outright that they are slowing down just as it seems they are going to win.  But I can almost guarantee that is what is happening!

Secondly, in most cases you are mistaken in believing there is only one prize, or only a few prizes.  You may think that is the case, but it probably isn't.  Yes, if your goal was to become the president of the United States and someone trumped you to the post (sorry about my sense of humour!), there was only one prize there and you missed it.  But in all likelihood you had the wrong goal.  Maybe the goal should have been to become the president of the United States at some point in your life, in which case the prize has not been snatched away from you unless you are going to die before the next election!  More likely the goal should actually have been something very different anyway, as most of us misinterpret our inner desires, cloaking them in something that is vaguely related but not our true goal - and if we could truly see our real goal we would realize there are no limits there and that it doesn't matter if someone "snatches" the prize ahead of us, as there are many identical prizes.

In the case of the invisible saboteur, if you think really carefully you will realize that saboteur is you.  But why?  Why do you slow down right at the end of the race?  Why do you give up when someone else gains a prize but there are prizes on offer for everyone?  Why, when you finally achieve whatever it was you wanted to achieve, do you sabotage your own success, giving away the prize you worked so hard to achieve?  Why are you a self-saboteur?

There are a number of reasons for this, some of which simply need a change of state.  A change from a permanent negative attitude to a positive one.  Recognition that the world is your oyster and that the only limitations to achieving what you want to achieve are set by you.

But perhaps the biggest reason is that the "inner you" doesn't want change.  And if you are successful that will mean a big change.  Too big for comfort.  So the "inner you" pulls you back into your comfort zone.  Why?  Well it is a basic biological survival instinct.  You are alive, so what you have been doing up to now has ensured your survival.  But if you change things, then you are moving into the unknown, and your inner being believes there is a risk that you are moving into a danger zone.  Evolutionary pressure very naturally tries to steer you away from that danger zone.  Either by making you slow down and perhaps even stop before you reach it, or by making you return to "safety" when you get there.

Just recognizing this may be enough to stop this saboteur (you) in his or her tracks.  But if not, then at least you now understand the source of the problem and can enlist some external help (perhaps from a lifestyle coach) to re-train you so you don't keep missing or even throwing away the success you deserve!

Mind Games and Self-Sabotage - Getting Out of Your Own Way

by

Tao De Haas

While you have great potential waiting to be unleashed there is something opposing it that is even more powerful. It stops you from being successful; it prevents you from putting things into action, it hinders your chances of achieving those goals that are important to you. It is so powerful that it can even paralyse you. So what is it that prevents so many people from reaching their potential? What could be even more powerful than the desire to achieve your goals?

Excuse me, you're in my way!

There is 'someone' who wants to stand in the way of your progress, like an overzealous bouncer standing at the door blocking your path to the world of success and achievement. But rather than it being someone external, it is an aspect of you, a sub-personality. It is the part that sabotages you through playing mind games. It tells you to 'start tomorrow' to 'do it later'. It finds more urgent and important things to do than stepping onto your path to success. When it sees others getting on and achieving the things that are important to them, this part will come up with justifications as to why you are not, by letting you believe that you're not as talented, not as capable, not as smart etc. Whatever mind game this part plays, it is often very effective in stopping you from flourishing and being successful.

So what's this mind game?

So what is the game? The game is called self-sabotage. Like in the game of chess it is equivalent to the powerful King. When it comes to self-sabotage, procrastination is King. This King stands in the doorway that leads from intention to action. Just like the game of chess is a process, so is self-sabotage. It is a complex process already started in early childhood. Unfortunately this process is a game that pitches people against themselves. It pitches their desire and intention against their impulses and seduces them not into action, but into stagnation.

Emotional not logical

Perhaps that sounds illogical, and this process is exactly that. It is a process that is emotionally driven and not driven by logical consideration. For the part of the brain that is concerned with protecting you, it seems safer not to act but to 'stay safe' where you are right now. While this is most useful for survival we humans are not merely programmed to survive, we are also programmed to evolve.

This is a perfect dynamic for the mind playing games. The game plays out with the various parts of your brain vying with each other, competing to get your focus and attention; the survival part versus the thriving part. Of course whatever part you favor with the most attention and energy wins the game!

Don't give it power

Sabotage can only thrive when you give it power. You need to stop giving 'King Sabotage' your focus and attention. While at its core sabotage might be there to protect you, your courage, determination and desire needs to be greater. While protection based on fear often does a great job, in many cases it does its job too well standing in the way of your progress, your success and ultimately achieving the things you most want to achieve.

Feel the fear

The game can be most effective, the 'voices' can be convincing and seductive if you allow them to be; 'do it tomorrow, you are too tired today, 'wait till you feel more motivated', 'you won't be good at it', 'you will never really succeed' etc. The more you listen to these voices the more power you give them. It is not about not feeling trepidation or uncertainty, but as the saying goes; feel the fear and do it anyway!

Get out of your own way!

Remember Marden? Deep within us dwell slumbering powers; power that would astonish us, that we never dreamed of possessing: forces which revolutionize their lives if aroused and put into action.

You will be amazed at your own capabilities when you get out of your own way. You will automatically evolve, flourish and grow as this is what nature has programmed you to do. The part of you that has been programmed to excel will win over the part that will try to hold you back. There is a very simple principle I call the seed and brick principle. Once you remove a brick that lies on top of a seed it will grow, flourish and evolve. Then, all you need to do is make sure you 'water it' (by focussing on it) and keep the soil 'nourished' (through nourishing your mind with positive and encouraging thoughts) and weeding out negative and limiting thoughts by not giving power to them.

Get out of your own way. When you stop self-sabotage and procrastination in one area of your life it will positively affect all other aspects. There is nothing more satisfying than disempowering self-sabotage and procrastination through empowering yourself.

Numerous studies have shown that people who set goals consistently achieve more in life than those who do not. Yet there is so much more to goal setting than most people think. Not only do people need to be clear about what they want, they need to create an environment for success and achievement; an environment that guides and supports them, keeps them focused and on the right track.

Just think about New Year resolutions. Despite having the best intentions, most people don't make it past the 7th day of January! At Minds with Integrity we have developed a unique and personalized system that will help you move from hoping and wishful thinking to living your life according to what is really important to you. Experience immediate and tangible outcomes with a system that gets results.

The Life Navigation System is your own personal GPS; an easy and practical online DIY coaching system. It puts you in the driver's seat and more in control of your life and where you are heading.

Sign up for your free trial and test drive The Life Navigation System today. Take your free test drive now. https://www.mindswithintegrity.com/Home/Mi_Community.aspx

Listening to Your Inner Voice

Five Pathways to Listening to Your Inner Voice

by Claudette Rowley, Coach, Consultant and Author

Is your life out of sync with your priorities?
Do you feel like you're a hamster running on a wheel?
Have you forgotten who you are?
 

If you answered YES to any of these questions, read on. Learn to listen to your inner voice - the essence of who you are - by following these five steps:

1.  Check in with your heart.

Social conditioning teaches us to be logical and "use our heads". When you only use your head, your experience of yourself and the world is limited. You miss out on the vital information the rest of your body, heart and soul is giving you.

Benefits: The same neurological tissue found in the brain is found in the heart. The heart is a second "brain" and our emotional center. Listening to your head and your heart is crucial to good decision-making about your life, your business and your relationships.

New Focus: Put your hand over your heart and focus there - what is it telling you?

2.  Connect with your body.

Your body gives you a tremendous amount of useful information that you may not be conscious of. For example, when your mother-in-law visits, does your stomach tie up in knots? When your boss yells at you, do your shoulders turn into stone? When you feel passionate and alive, does your chest feel warm and open? When we ignore the body's message, we lose out on valuable information designed to let us what works for us and what doesn't.

Benefits: For many people, fear manifests as a tightness in their chest. This is valuable information, especially if you aren't aware that you are afraid. Your body alerts you to what makes feels passionate and what doesn't. The body is a fount of wisdom designed to tell you when you're on the right path and when you aren't.

New Focus: Notice the messages your body is giving you right now. Try a self-massage to find areas in your back, neck or shoulders that are tense or knotted. What other areas of your body feel tight? Which ones feel relaxed and loose? Use this information as another key to listening to your inner wisdom.

3.  Listen to your intuition.

Intuition is simply knowing something without knowing exactly how you know it. Connect back to a time that you had a "gut feeling" about something - the job that you knew you shouldn't take, even though it looked good on the surface or the relationship that just felt right for you. That's your intuition talking to you.

Benefits: Gut feelings are a wealth of information. Remember, your intuition is never wrong, although your interpretation of it may be incorrect. When your intuition calls to you, trust it. Practice makes perfect when it comes to using your intuition effectively.

New Focus: The next time you need to make a decision, check in with your intuition. Experiment with trusting it. When you follow your intuition, what happens? When you hear it and disregard it, what's the outcome?

4.  Notice your self-saboteur*.

Each of us has our very own special saboteur. The saboteur is the voice in your head that says, "You are not good enough." "Who do you think you are?" "If you take this new job, everyone will find out what a fraud you are." The saboteur's job is to "protect" you from taking risks and making changes.

Benefits: Learn to distinguish between your voice and the saboteur's mumbo-jumbo. Notice how the inner critic drives the choices and decisions you make.

New Focus: Simply notice the negative voices playing in your head. Notice the times when they crop up. Recognize that the voices aren't you and they aren't true. Learning to separate your own voice from that of the saboteur is a powerful and life changing tool.

5.  Identify limiting beliefs.

We each carry a set of beliefs that we live by. Certain beliefs you hold consciously, while others are mainly unconscious. Beliefs develop out of past experiences and our interpretations of those experiences. Some of the conscious and unconscious beliefs that you develop limit your ability to grow and move forward in your life. For example: One of your goals as a successful entrepreneur is to make a lot of money. You discover that you have a belief - a limiting one - that it's wrong to make a lot of money. Until you begin to alter your beliefs about money, it will be more difficult for you to achieve that financial success you desire.

Benefits: Learning to notice a limiting belief allows you to become conscious of it, and then change it. Releasing a belief that limits you puts you back in the driver's seat of your life. You, rather than an old belief, make the choices that are right for you and allow you to fulfill your potential
 

Ways to spot a limiting belief:

• You tell yourself that you only have one or two choices in a situation, or "no choice" at all.
• Your inner critic expresses his or her opinion. The inner critic's opinion is generally based in a limiting belief.
• A decision may appear to be black and white to you, or an either/or situation.
• You have decided that "this is the way the world is."
• You make a decision based on fear.
• You feel constricted and notice that you lack clarity about a specific situation.

New Focus: How does a particular belief allow you to attract what you really want in life? How does it prevent you from attaining your goals? When you reach an obstacle in your path, make sure that it's not an old belief in your way.

 

When important questions like "What do I want?" or "What's the right choice for me to make?" surface in your mind, consult your inner voice. You possess the answers you need to live a life that feels successful and fulfilling. Listening to your inner voice can lead you on a path that feels deeply satisfying. Your business and personal lives will flourish with this new level of trust in yourself.


*Based on the work of Richard Carson in Taming Your Gremlin.