Fish or Snake

A boy went to his father and asked him for a snake.  The father was surprised by this request.  Very surprised!  He looked around for a snake that would neither crush (such as a boa constrictor) nor give venomous bites so his son could have what he asked for but still be safe from danger.  This took him some time, as he wanted to be really certain the gift would be safe.  Eventually he found a nice grass snake and proudly gave this to his son.  The boy looked at his father wide-eyed and asked "why have you given me this instead of a fish?  Do you expect me to eat a snake?"

Rather a silly story don't you think?  And if you know your Bible you may recognize it as a twist on Matthew 7:10.  A father will not give his son a snake if he asks for a fish.  But will he give him a snake if the son, intending to ask for a fish, asks instead for a snake?

The reason I have told this silly story, and maybe risked offending some Christians who won't like me changing something Jesus said, is that it illustrates something that is going on all the time.  Something I can pretty much guarantee YOU are doing.  All of us, me included, sometimes have great problems communicating what we really want to communicate.  This is nothing to be ashamed of - it is the human condition.  But it IS something we should recognize.

Recognizing the communication problem we all have is extremely important.  Even if we find it difficult or perhaps even impossible to communicate effectively all the time, we should at least be aware that we are frequently miscommunicating.  If we are aware of this we are much less likely to act the way the son did when he blamed his father for not understanding what he wanted.  We can  step back and recognize that the problem is probably ours rather than someone else's.

At a national level, the difficulty in communicating properly literally causes wars.  At a personal level it causes breakdowns in relationships - resulting in tragic and perhaps completely unneccessary divorces, and the loss of what should have been great and deep friendships.

The difficulty in communicating often starts with a difficulty in even understanding what it is we really want.  A desire begins deep inside.  It is a desire for something good and wholesome.  Something that will make us happy but will also do good in the world, create lasting change for good.  As that desire rises through the different levels of our mind and spirit it becomes tainted.  It changes.  Until it becomes a desire for something completely different once it reaches the upper levels of our conscious mind.  We communicate that often horribly mutated desire, are given a snake instead of a fish, and then wonder why we are unhappy and are not satisfied even though we have achieved and/or acquired what we thought we wanted.

I have said this many times in other blogs, and make no apology for saying it again, as I believe it is one of the major keys to unlocking a fulfilled, successful life.  If you want to be successful the first thing you must do is strip away all the camouflage that has so distorted your deep, inner desires.  Find out what it is you TRULY want rather than what you THINK you want.  Do this by taking some time, every day, to sit quietly and meditate.  Breathe deeply and slowly.  Relax.  Close your eyes.  See in your mind's eye a beautiful garden.  Notice what lovely flowers, beautiful trees, and delicious fruits are growing in the garden.  Let those lovely things speak to you.  If you do this often and properly you will be amazed at the way in which your own inner communication changes.  You will begin to understand much better what you truly want.

Once you know what you really want, you can ask the Universe for it, and can also go out and find it.  As you go looking for it, and doing whatever may be necessary to achieve or acquire your desire, you will find the way towards it is much better prepared and signposted than you expected.  This is the way the Universe gives us what we ask for.  Not by letting us just sit there waiting for it to appear, but by allowing us to see so much more clearly how to get it once we know what it really is.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"  Matthew 7: 9-11

Why You Need a Life Coach

Why do you need a life coach?  What does a life coach actually do?

Many people completely misunderstand the main purposes of a coach, and how the right coach can really help them achieve whatever it is they want to achieve.

First and foremost, a coach is not there to tell you what to do.  A good coach knows it is important for YOU to realize what you need to do.  At the stage where you are working out what to do, the coach will help you discover from inside yourself what it is you really want to do.

You may well think that is an unneccesary step.  After all, you already know what you want to achieve, don't you?

Well I would suggest you probably don't yet.  In earlier posts I have gone into great depth about ways to unearth your true desires.  You may now realize that very often (in fact, I would go as far as to say in most cases) what you initially think you want to achieve does not properly reflect your true inner desires.  As long as you are striving for something that is not fully aligned with your true inner desires it is like trying to swim or paddle against a very strong tide - maybe you will eventually get there, but only after a great deal of immensely hard struggle.  And when you DO get there you don't feel as satisfied as you ought to, as you haven't achieved what you really wanted anyway.

A good coach will therefore start with that.  What exactly is it that you want to achieve?  Is it truly aligned with your inner desires?  Each coach will have quite different ways of doing this, and often you will not even realize this is what they are doing, but the end result is the same: you recognize what you really want to achieve.

Even if this was all a coach did for you it would be well worth the time and money invested.  But for most coaches this is just the first step.

In order to get from where you are to where you want to be you have to take some action.  Yes, the Universe wants you to get there, and will provide an enormous amount of help for you to get there, but first you have to take action yourself.  What action?  Well here is where a good coach will help you take the next steps.  The coach will work with you to help you identify where you are starting from and what steps you need to take in order to move in the right direction.  It is not the case, though, that the coach will have a pre-prepared plan and simply give you that plan to follow.  Everyone has a slightly different goal from everyone else, even if the goals look quite similar, and everyone is starting from a different place.  By this, I don't just mean your own personal circumstances, albeit those circumstances are certainly extremely important.  But I also mean your state of mind, the strength of your desires, the spiritual strength you have.  What the coach will do is work with you to help you identify all these key factors so you start moving in the right direction.

Finally, but just as important as all the earlier steps, your coach will be there with you in spirit on your journey.  He or she will help you stay focussed, help you negotiate the many unexpected obstacles you will undoubtedly find along the way, help you prime yourself with the right motivation to continue that journey even when you may despair of ever reaching the goal you have defined.  The coach will be someone who will make you accountable.  We all need to be accountable to someone, even if that someone is just ourselves.  But having a coach makes it much less likely you will give up along the way and forget to be accountable.

I hope this article has helped you recognize the value a good coach can add to anyone's life.  Perhaps it has also made you recognize that you, too, could become a good coach and earn a very good living by helping others achieve their goals.  Let me know if this is the case and I will be happy to put you in touch with someone who can help you do exactly that!  Or try this page:

https://www.betterhelp.com/

Think and Grow Rich

Have you read "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill?  You really should!  It is probably one of the most important books great achievers featured in "The Secret" studied and used to achieve their success.  But do not be deceived by the title.  Yes, it focuses on getting rich, and you can most certainly use the techniques in this book to become very rich indeed, but the concept is not limited to acquiring material wealth.  It can be applied to achieve anything you truly desire.

Just to give you a taste of things to come when you read this marvellous work, here is a story Napoleon Hill tells at the beginning of the first chapter.  The story of the man who "thought" his way into partnership with Thomas A Edison.

TRULY, "thoughts are things," and powerful things at that, when they are mixed with definiteness of purpose, persistence, and a BURNING DESIRE for their translation into riches, or other material objects. 

A little more than thirty years ago, Edwin C. Barnes discovered how true it is that men really do THINK AND GROW RICH. His discovery did not come about at one sitting. It came little by little, beginning with a BURNING DESIRE to become a business associate of the great Edison. 

One of the chief characteristics of Barnes' Desire was that it was definite. He wanted to work with Edison, not for him. Observe, carefully, the description of how he went about translating his DESIRE into reality, and you will have a better understanding of the thirteen principles which lead to riches. When this DESIRE, or impulse of thought, first flashed into his mind he was in no position to act upon it. Two difficulties stood in his way. He did not know Mr. Edison, and he did not have enough money to pay his railroad fare to Orange, New Jersey. These difficulties were sufficient to have discouraged the majority of men from making any attempt to carry out the desire. 

But his was no ordinary desire! He was so determined to find a way to carry out his desire that he finally decided to travel by "blind baggage," rather than be defeated. (To the uninitiated, this means that he went to East Orange on a freight train). He presented himself at Mr. Edison's laboratory, and announced he had come to go into business with the inventor. In speaking of the first meeting between Barnes and Edison, years later, Mr. Edison said, "He stood there before me, looking like an ordinary tramp, but there was something in the expression of his face which conveyed the impression that he was determined to get what he had come after. I had learned, from years of experience with men, that when a man really DESIRES a thing so deeply that he is willing to stake his entire future on a single turn of the wheel in order to get it, he is sure to win. I gave him the opportunity he asked for, because I saw he had made up his mind to stand by until he succeeded. Subsequent events proved that no mistake was made." 

Just what young Barnes said to Mr. Edison on that occasion was far less important than that which he thought. Edison, himself, said so! It could not have been the young man's appearance which got him his start in the Edison office, for that was definitely against him. It was what he THOUGHT that counted. If the significance of this statement could be conveyed to every person who reads it, there would be no need for the remainder of this book. 

Barnes did not get his partnership with Edison on his first interview. He did get a chance to work in the Edison offices, at a very nominal wage, doing work that was unimportant to Edison, but most important to Barnes, because it gave him an opportunity to display his "merchandise" where his intended "partner" could see it. Months went by. Apparently nothing happened to bring the coveted goal which Barnes had set up in his mind as his DEFINITE MAJOR PURPOSE. But something important was happening in Barnes' mind. He was constantly intensifying his DESIRE to become the business associate of Edison. 

Psychologists have correctly said that "when one is truly ready for a thing, it puts in its appearance." Barnes was ready for a business association with Edison, moreover, he was DETERMINED TO REMAIN READY UNTIL HE GOT THAT WHICH HE WAS SEEKING. 

He did not say to himself, "Ah well, what's the use? I guess I'll change my mind and try for a salesman's job." But, he did say, "I came here to go into business with Edison, and I'll accomplish this end if it takes the remainder of my life." He meant it! What a different story men would have to tell if only they would adopt a DEFINITE PURPOSE, and stand by that purpose until it had time to become an all-consuming obsession! 

Maybe young Barnes did not know it at the time, but his bulldog determination, his persistence in standing back of a single DESIRE, was destined to mow down all opposition, and bring him the opportunity he was seeking. 

When the opportunity came, it appeared in a different form, and from a different direction than Barnes had expected. That is one of the tricks of opportunity. It has a sly habit of slipping in by the back door, and often it comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat. Perhaps this is why so many fail to recognize opportunity. Mr. Edison had just perfected a new office device, known at that time, as the Edison Dictating Machine (now the Ediphone). His salesmen were not enthusiastic over the machine. They did not believe it could be sold without great effort. Barnes saw his opportunity. It had crawled in quietly, hidden in a queer looking machine which interested no one but Barnes and the inventor. 

Barnes knew he could sell the Edison Dictating Machine. He suggested this to Edison, and promptly got his chance. He did sell the machine. In fact, he sold it so successfully that Edison gave him a contract to distribute and market it all over the nation. Out of that business association grew the slogan, "Made by Edison and installed by Barnes." 

The business alliance has been in operation for more than thirty years. Out of it Barnes has made himself rich in money, but he has done something infinitely greater, he has proved that one really may "Think and Grow Rich." 

How much actual cash that original DESIRE of Barnes' has been worth to him, I have no way of knowing. Perhaps it has brought him two or three million dollars, but the amount, whatever it is, becomes insignificant when compared with the greater asset he acquired in the form of definite knowledge that an intangible impulse of thought can be transmuted into its physical counterpart by the application of known principles. 

Barnes literally thought himself into a partnership with the great Edison! He thought himself into a fortune. He had nothing to start with, except the capacity to KNOW WHAT HE WANTED, AND THE DETERMINATION TO STAND BY THAT DESIRE UNTIL HE REALIZED IT. He had no money to begin with. He had but little education. He had no influence. But he did have initiative, faith, and the will to win. With these intangible forces he made himself number one man with the greatest inventor who ever lived. 

How did you like this taster?  If you truly study it and put into practice what you learn from it, this extract alone can help you achieve your life goals.  But if you want to develop it further, then get yourself a copy of the complete book.

Here is the link for you:

Or if you are in the UK:

Tips for Writing Your Own Affirmations

by

Cathy Chapman, Ph.D.

Affirmations are simple positive statements you make which reinforce something in your life. These statements can be about what you would like to have, such as riches and fame, or the type of person you would like to be, such as loving or assertive. You can always go to your favorite search engine and find affirmations particular to your situation. The best, however, are those you develop for yourself.

Here is a simple process in which you can do this.

Identify What You Want

Many people believe this is very easy. You may think you want riches, but you would really like security. When you say you want success, you may actually desire parental approval.

To discover what you truly want in life keep repeating the same question. That question is, "And what will that get me?"

For instance, you say you want a particular type of house in a specific neighborhood. Ask the above question. An answer might be, "It'll prove I'm successful." Now asked the question again. This time you might say, "People will notice me." Repeat the process. You might get, "People will look up to me." Keep doing this until you get a sort of ah-ha internal experience. Then you know this is truly what you want.

Develop Your Positive Statement

Now that you know your true desire put it in a positive statement using present tense. An example, "My family notices my success and congratulates me." If you follow the process above, this affirmation will be exactly what it is that you truly want. Yes, you may still have that house in mind, but that comes later in the process.

If you get your house, but don't get what you truly want, you will still feel dissatisfied and empty. The key is to uncover your deepest yearnings. When those are fulfilled you will experience joy and completion.

Identify How You Will Know You Have What You Most Want

This process actually works with your subconscious mind. It is your subconscious mind which silently guides and directs you by means of what it believes you want to happen in your life. Your subconscious mind is concrete, not abstract. You have to tell it what you mean by what you say. This is where that house you have your eye on comes in.

How will you know when you have achieved your desire? List three things you will see in your life when the statement, "My family notices my success and congratulates me" is fulfilled. This is where you identify things such as, "I have a house with four bedrooms and three bathrooms built to my specifications on an acre of land next to the water," "My children attend an elite private school and are at the top of their class," or "My income after taxes is $250,000 per year."

Once you have the three things you will see in your life which proves your success, get in touch with how it will feel, what people will say about you, and everything else involved in your achievement. Write it all down.

Anchoring It In

The last step is to use your affirmation while keeping in mind those marks of achievement. Do that now. Now touch your thumb to one of your fingers as an anchor to what it is you desire. Throughout the day repeat that statement of achievement keeping in mind the images, words and feelings which accompany it.

Just repeating this statement over and over will do very little. You need to bring with you the visual, auditory and kinesthetic experiences which accompany your accomplishment.

About the Author:

Cathy Chapman, PhD, LCSW has her doctorate in Mind-Body Psychology. She assists people in achieving their dreams of health, wealth and abundance. Her blog provides you with thoughts and tools for growth and success. Subscribe to her blog at http://www.cathychapmanphd.com and receive your free gift "7 Methods for a Practically Impenetrable Immune System."

Cathy says this about herself:

"My primary background is in spirituality, psychotherapy and mind-body psychology. I've been a therapist for 35 + years with almost all those years helping people heal using prayer and spirituality. The last 20 years have been devoted to expanding my tools to assist in healing through energy healing such as BodyTalk, PSYCH-K, encodements and Soul Healing.

Since I have an active mind with many interests, I also help people move beyond their fears and limiting beliefs in their business as well as their personal life. I have studied marketing for the last 15 years as well as copywriting. I write plr in the mind-body health area.

Since I left the convent in 1996, my spirituality has expanded into what some call New Age or metaphysics. It was the mysticism of Catholicism which moved me into the mysticism of the New Age.

I write in the areas of personal development, energy healing, spirituality, marketing, copywriting and business development.

I am at a stage in my life I only do things which are fun and interesting. Yes, I pay my taxes, but I rejoice I have an income. Life is good. I want to show others how to heal, change limiting beliefs and attain their dreams."

Desires and Goals in Tune

A lot of people try “affirmations”, “creative visualisations”, techniques such as the Law of Attraction and other methods outlined in "The Secret", or other ways to achieve their goals.  They do this for a while, sometimes for a long while, but find nothing appears to be happening.  They are no nearer their goals than when they first started.  What is going wrong?

Does this strike a chord at all?  Have you found yourself in this position?  I know I have!  But not because there is anything intrinsically wrong with those systems.  They have certainly worked for many people.  So why didn’t they work for me when I first tried them?

Continuing the musical metaphor, I believe the biggest cause of failure is that our goals are simply not properly in tune with our real underlying desires.  And until they ARE in tune I can pretty much guarantee they CANNOT work.

The first task, therefore, of anyone attempting any kind of self-improvement or success programme should be to isolate all of those underlying desires.

The second task is to check that each of those desires are in harmony, and work on “retuning” any that create a discord.

And finally, once we are certain all our desires are congruent, we can then check that our goals are also congruent with these “tuned up” desires.  At this point we will find those personal development and success systems really start to work.

Enough of the metaphors!  What exactly am I talking about?

Let me give you a simple example.

Imagine a young man who has decided he wants to find his perfect “mate”.  He has bought a system that claims it will teach the user to seduce any young lady he fancies.  She will be swooning over him before she even realises what is happening (yes, there really are such systems for sale out there, although I have never bought one or recommended one to any of my subscribers).  He is delighted with his purchase and immediately begins putting the system into practice.  It doesn’t work.

Why?  Was the system itself wrong?  No, in fact there was nothing technically wrong with the system.  I suggest there WAS something morally wrong, but technically it should have worked.

The reason it didn’t work is that this particular young man is not as lacking in morals as you might have imagined at the outset of my story.  Deep down inside he respects all people as individuals.  He has an underlying desire to love and respect everyone, and to be loved and respected by them.  This desire is quite out of harmony with his superficial desire to “seduce” any young lady he fancies.  He does not recognise this conflict, as he has interpreted his desire to be loved in the wrong way, and believes it will be satisfied by applying this “seduction” technique.  But his very powerful unconscious mind does recognise the conflict, and refuses to allow him to achieve that goal which is not properly aligned with his real underlying desire.  Every time he makes an affirmation that is out of line with that true desire, his unconscious mind throws a counter affirmation into the equation, which completely neutralises it.

Now the example I have just given was perhaps rather an extreme example, and one which is easy to recognise and to fix.  This young man should recognise that his goal of seducing a young lady is simply not appropriate for him, and throw away the system he bought.  That system would only work for him if he were not, underneath, the moral person he really is.

Most of us, of course, are not trying to use our success and personal development systems for such an obviously inappropriate purpose.  But still the reason they are not working for us is almost certainly that we have not yet fully understood our inner desires and made sure our goals are properly aligned with them.  Until we do, every time we “affirm” or “creatively visualise” we will be fighting with our own unconscious mind.  And believe me, in a battle between the conscious and unconscious mind the unconscious always wins.

So take some time now to analyse exactly what it is you want out of life.  Meditate on each of the desires or goals you have identified – do you really want this, or is it just a passing fancy (or something someone else wanted for you).  Make sure they are all aligned and none are out of kilter.  Eliminate those that create a discord – you will not find it too difficult to recognise them once you get into the habit of this practice.  If you take the time to do this I can guarantee you will at the very least be happier.  I cannot guarantee whatever success or personal development system you are using will then work – apart from anything else this will depend on the quality of that system itself.  But you will certainly be much better positioned to get better results from any systems you apply.

Author:

Graham A Dragon