Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Listening When Your Life Speaks

Listening When Your Life Speaks

 

Author:

Kate Swoboda

“Your life speaks. You have to learn to listen.” – Iyanla Vanzant

Just 15 years ago, if you had asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have told you that I would be a professional musician.

This news would shock just about anyone that I know, today – but fifteen years ago, there was nothing in my life that indicated anything otherwise.

My entire life was music. I had gone to a performing arts high school where regular math, science and English classes were supplemented with courses in your major, and I was a music major. I played five instruments and participated in 5 different groups. Each year, I prepared solos or ensembles to take to district and state competitions.

After hours of practice time at school, it was not uncommon to come home and put in an additional 1-2 hours each night, plus a weekly private lesson. To afford a professional model instrument, I worked two jobs, 20-25 hours a week. For college, I had been accepted to a music school in Chicago, and fully intended to major in music and then go on to be a professional musician with freelance gigs, or a conductor, or to teach music.

There’s just this one catch: it didn’t happen.

I ended up not attending the music college that I had worked so hard to get in to. Instead, I attended a smaller college outside of Chicago that had no music program to speak of, telling myself that music would still be in my life because they had a small orchestra.

The orchestra was sub-par, and I dropped out after my first semester.

Yet: I don’t regret a thing.
 
 

What Are You Getting?


People can get really hung up on this question of “What am I supposed to do with my life?”

When coaching clients approach me with that question, I ask them to consider one that’s far more interesting: “What do you think you would ‘get’ out of knowing what you want to do with your life?”

Time and again, the answer comes back to “safety,” and when we dig around a bit with “safety,” we find that at the root of that is “control.”

Or at least the illusion of control, because control is always an illusion. Aside from our intention and where we place our attention, we really can’t control life.

If we acknowledge the root issue of trying to control something that is impossible to control, the entire house of cards starts to fall apart.

Whether we know our life path, or whether we don’t, we don’t have any control, either way.

I can say that if I had chosen to go to music school, I would have become a professional musician, but the truth is that there’s no way that I could know that. I could just as easily have ended up a programmer, a sommelier, or what I ended up as–a writer, which was what I said I wanted to be as early as the age of 2 or 3, and which is what I have ended up becoming.


Your Life Speaks


People talk of having a true calling that’s part of an innate nature, something you’re born with, and I can see how that feels true for them.

What I question is the Story that so many tell themselves about needing to know what their life purpose is, as if it’s transcribed somewhere in the world and the job is to try to find it.
I have an alternative view: your life purpose/path/vision is what you say it is. You define your life purpose in every moment, with every action, with every word, with every thought, with every belief.

If there is some purpose out there, awaiting you, and you want to find it, then inhabit your life, fully. If you commit to your life like crazy, the things that are intolerable to your spirit will rise up and make themselves known. Listen to your life when it speaks to you.

When that happens, the question put before you is: Will you practice the courage that it takes to actually take action?


Taking Action


When you start taking action and making choices, the world starts to move with you.

The illusion is that you have to know what you want to do, before you start making choices.

I ask you: had I stuck with being a musician, convinced that I “knew” my path and thus “must” follow it, how would I ever have created space in my life to become a writer?

What I see in hindsight, that beautiful 20/20 vision, are the benefits that came from being “all in” with whatever presented itself in my life. I was “all in” as a musician, until I was “all in” as a double-major in English and Sociology, and then I was “all in” as a writer when I got my Masters degree, and then I was “all in” as a professor of English, and then I was “all in” when I pursued my counseling training.

Perhaps right now you’re a mother of three; or a frustrated engineering student who isn’t sure she wants to continue; or a 48-year-old man who thought his career was set until the economy tanked and he was laid off.

The only time we get jostled by “not being on our life’s path” is when we insist that the reality before us is not part of our life’s path.

Music taught me discipline, majoring in Sociology got me curious about people, writing freed my personal story and continues to keep me fascinated by the stories people tell about their lives, and being a professor of English gave me organization and delegation skills that inform every single aspect of running my business.

Whatever paths you’ve walked have all contributed to being where you are here, right now, in this moment.

Consider the gifts that could lie ahead for you if you dropped the idea of a pre-determined path, entirely.

You don’t know where it will all lead–and this is the most beautiful part of being alive.

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Increase your Income by 1000 percent

How would you like to increase your income by 1,000% in 10 years?  Not all at the end of a decade, either, but a steady build up year by year, month by month?

Or how would you like to gain the equivalent knowledge of a PhD in astrophysics every year?  Not actually in astrophysics, of course (unless you particularly want to be an astrophysicist!), but in any subject area whatsoever that appeals to you?  Maybe in subjects that specifically relate to the areas of personal development on which you are working right now?

Watch this short video by Bryan Tracy and you will learn exactly how he does this and how you can too.

Ignore the website address that irritatingly appears at the bottom of the screen though, as it is not related either to the topic or to Bryan Tracy and the site does not appear to exist now anyway!  But it certainly did not prevent me learning some very powerful yet simple secrets when I watched this amazing video clip!



If this presentation by Bryan Tracy has whet your appetite for more gems from Bryan, then take a look at this book by him, "Create Your Own Future", which will show you how to set goals, unlock your inborn creativity, and overcome any obstacle in your path - and so very much more besides!

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Cranial Comeback

Boost your brain power in middle age

By Amy Anderson

As you age, your brain is more easily distracted and slower to retrieve information. It has trouble shutting out mental chatter and concentrating on the task at hand. That’s why you walk into a room to find the keys — that you’ve lost again — only to forget why you were there in the first place.

But a recent study called Midlife in the United States, or Midus, revealed that one of the most important elements in retaining memory and other cognitive skills over age 50 is a college degree. “Education seems to be an elixir that can bring us a healthy body and mind throughout adulthood and even a longer life,” says Margie E. Lachman, a psychologist at Brandeis University and a principal investigator for Midus.

Higher education slows the brain’s aging process by up to a decade, allowing people in their 50s to test in the range of less-educated people in their 40s. The more years of school someone has, the better he or she did on calculations, memory and reasoning tests. The study also revealed that higher education is associated with a longer life and a decreased risk of dementia.

But there were other similarities among those who scored the best on cognitive tests, including regular exercise, volunteering or belonging to organizations, being socially active and remaining calm in the face of stress.

Fortunately, the study found that people who regularly challenged their brains by reading, writing, attending lectures or working word puzzles did better on intelligence tests and even made up the difference between themselves and their more highly educated counterparts. “We have shown that those with less education may be able to compensate and look more like those who have higher education by adopting some of the common practices of the highly educated,” Lachman says.

In fact, regular mental challenges will actually alter your brain’s neural circuits, even as you age, making it more responsive. The earlier you start, the larger the impact, so keep reading and make a plan to get in a cognitive workout daily.




Friday, 21 September 2012

Book Review

Setting and achieving goals is perhaps one of the most important aspects of any self-development or success programme.  So for this month's review I have selected three books about goal setting and achieving.

The first is a Kindle book called "How to Set Goals".  A good starting point!  The others are "normal" books rather than Kindle versions.  The second takes you through the most important step once you have set your goal, and is called "Write It Down, Make It Happen".  Finally, a book focussed on ensuring you achieve your goals, called "Living in Your Top 1%".


Click on the title of any book that particularly interests you and you can buy it right away from Amazon.

How To Set Goals: Ultimate Goal Setting Guide to Having Your Best Year Ever


by

Craig Ballantyne


Here is what some readers of this Kindle edition thought about it:


"This is a quick read, yet a great one. I wish I had found it sooner.

Most goal setting books just tell you to aim high and the magic will happen. This doesn't. It tells you HOW AND WHY you'll achieve your goals and makes you think about ALL the areas of life. Some of them were difficult for me...I realized that a lot of my goals were one-dimensional and I was forgetting about setting goals outside one area.

The author also has some free videos at the end that make it interactive. Great stuff.

Now...onto achieving what I just wrote down."

-    JR


"I love this book. I am a big fan of Early To Rise, so I had to pick this up because anything by Craig Ballantyne is amazing. This book is in depth yet easy to read. I love the part about making SMART goals and also the importance of visualization. Craig provides great advice and actionable steps to achieve whatever goal you are striving for. I also picked up The Ultimate Fat Loss Secret which I love too! My main goal right now is fat loss and I believe this Goal setting book will help me to achieve my fat loss goals as well as any thing else I pursue. So thanks and I highly recommend this book to anyone that wants to reach their goals sooner rather than later. "

-    Susie Schmidt


"Really great book. I got the kindle version and read it on those many sleepless nights. Craig Ballantyne really knows goal setting. As a personal trainer and huge online business success, his latest acquisition is one of my favorite websites - ETR (Early To Rise), he is a man who walks his talk. No-nonsense, down to earth stuff. This book is literally a steal to PRIME members, and to the rest of us, it's still a steal at ninety-nine cents for a kindle edition. HIGHLY recommend. "

-    InfoFish


Write It Down, Make It Happen: Knowing What You Want And Getting It


by

Henriette Anne Klauser



"The reason I am giving this book five stars is that I followed it to the letter and made what I wanted to happen happen. I wanted to take a solo summer road trip from Florida to New England, stay up there for a few weeks, and visit DC and Atlanta on the way back. I was scared to do it and needed the financial means. This book motivated me to work an extra job, work extra hours at the two jobs I had, to make the arrangements, make it possible to take five weeks off, and psyched me up to actually GO. I had a BLAST. That trip will be a jewel in my heart for the rest of my life. I am married with two kids now, and won't be able to do anything like that again, so I am grateful to this book and to myself for the experience. It's been eleven years. I should redo it with a new overwhelming goal!"

-    Musical Mama


"I'm a medical-surgical nurse and at the same time a business woman. I manage my own online store and it's now even bigger where I'm unable to manage and balance everything. My nursing career is very stressful and every time I went home I'll just sleep for the rest of the day leaving some of my customers online waiting for me to check their pending orders. I finished reading read this book last month, I'm happy to say that this book is just what I need to balance everything in my life. I totally agree that we should write down our goals in order for us to achieve it. I started writing my goals right after I finished this book. I set goals for my career; I set ways on how to divide my time to achieve the success I wanted and guess what? It worked!

I realized that reading this type of books is definitely helpful. I was so happy with the results that I bought another book to inspire myself and be on track all the time. Here's another powerful book that may help you,by Martin Gover Leadership,Authority & Influence - Creating a Life of Value-knowing the top of the mountain isn't even halfway.  This book also recommends writing down your goals and to mentally commit to it. Now, I have a collection of these types of books and I can't wait to finish everything. My online store is earning more than I expected and my nursing career is blossoming at the same time! "

-    alone0615!


"This book was a gift from my mother on Christmas. After 6 months, I decided to pick it up and read it. It was as if it was calling me.
I am so glad I did. This book was addicting! It taught me so much, writing in a journal, positive outlook and tools to help stay focused. She uses real life experiences to show the way to getting what you want. This book was amazing and taught me so much, perfect timing for what I was feeling in my personal life and it truly helped guide me back to a positive outlook and set me free of my fears for new journeys in life. Again, I couldn't wait to read it every morning and write in my journal afterwards. I have referred this book to many of my clients. "

-    Desiree Ashby

Living in Your Top 1%: Nine Essential Rituals to Achieve Your Ultimate Life Goals


by

Alissa Finerman



"This book was given to me by my friend, Aisha, as a gift. Wow! I have read many, many self-development books and this is actually one of the BEST - well-organized, down-to-earth, good examples and phenomenal stories, and I feel like I can not only understand what to do and why, but also HOW to get into my own top 1% success zone. This book is truly phenomenal; I HIGHLY recommend it! I wish everyone great success in your lives and I'm sure this book can play a huge part in that!"

-    Rosemarie Goodman-Urszuy (BALTIMORE, MD, US)


"Alissa Finerman wastes no time in this instructional self-improvement book. Upfront she dedicates it to "Every person who has overcome or will soon overcome the word impossible" - this concise but powerful intro sets the tone for what is to come: a series of 1st hand and 2nd hand stories of triumph over some of life's difficulties (especially the difficulties we erect for ourselves), combined with a near recipe like set of principles and instructions (presented as 9 'rituals') on how you can move from where you really are in life to where you really want to be.

Unlike many tomes from self-help Authors, Finerman's book does not take a long and winding road toward instruction. The book is organized as a set of true stories of transformation: Each person's story is concise, simple, and direct. Finerman's mixture of famous and ordinary people in these stories makes for engaging and interesting reading. A common thread of self-realization, mindset change and corrective action (or in Finerman's formula: Assess, Create, Implement) weaves each tale together to form a narrative of the book's theme: Successful self-change is possible for anyone willing to follow a proven plan.

A stirring, motivational quote from a bevy of famous achievers (from Aristotle to Anthony Robbins) establishes credibility for, then launches each new chapter while you as the reader begin to envision your own 'success story' unfolding vicariously through a combination of the tales of others' triumphs over doubt, debilitation or circumstance.

Finerman underscores her intent to help you drive toward results by integrating academic textbook like assignments, recaps and note-taking sections at the end of each chapter. This is what the book tangibly delivers: A real formula for self-transformation. For me, the textbook like instructions at the end of each chapter were a bit distracting--I prefer to read without interruption, digest the totality of a book, then review. But the point of this book is not to make you ponder or to merely be inspired-- the point of the book is to instruct and guide you through a thoughtfully developed regimen where the eventual outcome is the realization of your dreams. With that outcome in mind, Finerman's academic like instructional approach is tough to argue against.

Like any effective self-improvement process, Finerman's "9 rituals" aren't easy to complete-- nor is her process a quick one. But as any successful person can attest to, her 9 prescribed rituals absolutely do work. This book is written clearly and offers basic (yet powerful) evidence based instruction on how you can win in the game of life-- and be happy along your path to victory.

My favorite thing about LIVING IN YOUR TOP 1% is that for me it serves as a reliable 'pick me up' whenever I run into the inevitable obstacles along the path toward my realizing my own dreams and I need a healthy recharge of self-confidence. In this sense, the book is a wonderful motivator as it reliably restores my confidence and dutifully guides me back on the path toward achieving my ultimate life goals."

-    James McDonald


"Living in Your Top 1% is refreshing! Alissa skillfully provides an actionable blueprint for achieving goals and living your truth. Her book walks you through some thought provoking exercises as it helps you sketch out the actions and habits necessary to produce goal shattering results. This book focuses on iterative processes necessary to assess and reassess goals. Her personal story is inspiring and liberating. She places emphasis on redefining how one looks at life. Prioritizing yourself as the CEO of your life gives context to the meaning behind the goals you set. Alissa provokes you to challenge the status quo and invoke new feelings of self-esteem and belief. I love the way she rejects a microwaved approach to change and stresses the importance of forward progress and little victories. A must read for anyone looking for more out of life!"

-    Aisha D. Da Costa



Saturday, 15 September 2012

What is Your Goal?

From the Universal to the Universal

By Sri Swami Chidananda

The other day, when I was returning from my tour, I decided to get down at Dehra Dun instead of Hardwar. In the same compartment of the train were a Kashmiri lady and an army brigadier. They were talking about there being no provision in the India of today for the training of the youth—who are the wealth of the nation. I joined in the conversation and pointed out a number of organisations that were showing a real concern for the upcoming generation.

Finally, as we were getting close to Dehra Dun, the lady said to me, "Swamiji, you seem to know so much. Please give me some of your jnana, something that I can carry with me for my life." I said, "Look here, I have been giving it, and that should be enough. Nevertheless, as an individual aspirant approaching me, it is my duty to give you some jnana. Therefore let me say something."

I went on, "The first jnana I want to give you is: This life is only a journey. You have come here; you don’t belong here. You are on a journey, and at the end of the journey you will have to leave and go. So nothing is really yours here. Nor do you belong here. First truth.

"The second truth is that when a person is on a journey, they usually have a destination to reach. What destination have you set for yourself? Is it what you were discussing with the brigadier? Is that your destination? Is that your reach? Think of it! Your destination cannot be anything here for the simple reason that you do not belong here. If you reach any destination here, it will be here and you will go elsewhere. So you can reap no permanent benefit from whatever secular, temporal, worldly, earthly goal that you set for yourself—no matter how great it may be.

It may even be something as comprehensive as banning the use of nuclear weapons, something upon which the fate of all humanity on planet Earth hangs. It may be something as big as the United Nations or the World Bank or the International Monetary Fund. All these things are trivial, for the simple reason that none of them can be your real goal; because no matter what you achieve here you will go empty-handed. You came empty-handed, you’ll go empty-handed. Therefore, think!

"Third truth: All these important things that you have been discussing—that there is no proper provision in India today for the youth and that you must do something about it—is based on the egoistical feeling that there is a you and that you can do something.

"Look here, this world has been going on for hundreds and thousands of years before you and the brigadier and all people came. You come now and you will disappear like little insects coming in the rainy season having a 24-hour lifespan. Empires have come and gone. You have come and you will go. This drama of life will go on, the world will go on—another 1000 years, 2000 years, 10,000 years.

"You are nothing. There is some higher power that has been looking after this world for eons. Scientists say that the first sign of life came on planet Earth so many millions of years ago. What is your calendar of 365 days before millions of years? So don’t worry about it. There is some higher power who is quite capable of looking after this world that you are so concerned about. He doesn’t require Kashmiri ladies like you. You better take care of yourself, so that during this precious little human life between an entry point and an exit point that you do something to improve yourself, bring out all the latent potential within yourself.

"And before you leave, try to do maximum benefit to God’s creation—into which He has put you. That is the only thing that makes life worth living. Life’s importance is not assessed in terms of how much you have amassed, what titles you have, how many audiences you have addressed or how many books you have written. All that is vain fancy. The value of life is in having come here, before you go how many people have been happier, how many have been benefited, how useful have you been to God’s creation. Not only human beings, the whole world."

I continued, "How many tears have you wiped from crying children, orphans, widows, helpless people, from poor, suffering people in the remotest villages where there is no drinking water, no sanitation, no education—they are disease bound? Try to do something. Go there and give them a proper road; they are cut off during the monsoon season. Go not to the posh cities, but help suffering humanity in the rural areas. Bring sanitation, hygiene, medical aid. Give eye camps for those who are blinded with cataracts. Then you have done something.

"Our culture, our country has as its highest ideal in life paropakara, benefiting others, being useful to others, doing something that is good for others, not only for yourself. Paropakara is the highest ideal. They went so far as to say that this body has been given only for this purpose. So bring about a change in the orientation of your vision.

"So this I am telling you personally. What then is the goal? Your goal is to go back from where you came. There is a great Universal Soul. You are not this body, this cage of flesh and bones. You are not the five karma indriyas or the five jnana indriyas. You are not this mind, emotion, sentiment, imagination and various moods such as anger, passion, greed, envy, jealousy. You are not even this little "I" that you are identifying yourself with when you look in a mirror. All these are not you. You are a centre of radiant consciousness, shining consciousness—eternal, imperishable, unborn, beyond time, beyond space, infinite. Read the second chapter of the Bhagavad Gita every day!"

That is how we took leave. I did not speak to her as an individual addressing an individual. I spoke as the Universal addressing the Universal in that lady. And I said that you belong to that dimension. This is a golden chance to lift yourself up from this confined consciousness to your real dimension of infinite consciousness, universal consciousness. That is why we are here.

She asked for blessings. I said, "May the Universal Consciousness grace and fulfil whatever is there in your heart, whatever you are aspiring for, whatever you are ardently longing and wishing for. May it be fulfilled!"


(Reproduced by kind permission of Swami Padmanabhananda, the Divine Life Society)

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Learning from a Toddler

5 Lessons Learned from a Toddler

Author:  Deborah Fike


If I could summarize my world for you in one sentence, it would be: chasing my toddler. I know the back of my daughter’s scruffy blonde head anywhere: dashing across the living room, making a break for the next grocery aisle, or attempting to go up the slide (much more fun than going down). My old day job required me to attend meetings and sit in front of a computer most of the day. Now, I’m lucky if I get 10 minutes to sit down for a breather before my girl has me running to catch up with her.

I’ve never raised a child before, and given my personality, I decided to read about it. All the toddler self-help books talk about what you need to teach them: how to play with others, learn language, go potty. These books contain great advice for child rearing, but none discuss the things parents learn from toddlers. I have learned at least as much from my daughter as she has learned from me. So here are some tips for living from someone who just started her life journey:


1. It’s your duty to question everything.


Toddlers don’t take anything as a given. They don’t understand that you should eat your peas, not put them in your hair. On a more serious note, they don’t understand that running into the street can kill you, so they may bolt at any second. And when you stop them from doing something they want to do, you get the dreaded string of “whys.”

But “whys” are a good thing. They demonstrate curiosity and a thirst to understand the world. More importantly, they force us to evaluate all of our decisions. Toddlers don’t like to follow a rule with a weak “why,” and neither should adults. So if something bothers you, question it. Don’t like the answer? Channel your inner toddler and take action. You’ll feel better in the long run (especially on ethical decisions) if you always ask “why.”


2. All skills take practice, but you’ll get there eventually.


It is amazing how very little a baby can do at birth. He can’t see or hear well. Many babies struggle with the sucking reflex, so they can’t even eat well. When you watch a baby grow, it’s amazing to watch him master the ability to move and manipulate things, including himself. It literally takes years. Reasoning takes much longer. (Some parents of teenagers might argue that day never comes.) And how do we learn all of this? By doing it day in, day out for years at a time.

So as an adult, if you’re trying to learn a new skill, you’ve got to be patient and put in the time to learn something new. Toddlers thrive on doing the same things over and over again, and that’s how they become master walkers and talkers. Don’t get me wrong – toddlers are rarely patient. My daughter can cry with the best of them when she encounters a container she wants to open and can’t. But she works at it constantly until she does eventually open the box (usually to my frustrated sigh as I go find a broom).


3. There is opportunity in destruction.


Before my daughter was born, I saw the world as a place where I could create. I could find connections and establish a career. I could open up my computer and write a story. Opportunities abound in this world because I can build in it.

Toddlers like creation, but many value destruction even more. I stack blocks, my daughter knocks them down. At first, this frustrates an adult, especially when something you cherish has been ruined by your child. But there’s opportunity in destruction too. When your child scribbles marker on the wall, you have a chance to paint it a nicer color than its original boring beige. For a more adult-oriented example, perhaps you’ve been pigeonholed as a great accountant, but you’d rather be a carpenter. Casting away your old career for a new one can be more rewarding than building upon what you already have. Sometimes the greatest joy is found not in the creation, but the destruction, of something you’ve built.


4. Go outside as often as you can.


The outdoors is a magical place for a toddler. It doesn’t matter how many toys, books, and interesting things I shove in a room, it can only hold her attention for about 30 minutes (if I’m that lucky). Then I’m stuck either listening to her whine or taking her someplace else. This rule does not hold true if my toddler plays outside. We went to the beach the other weekend, and my daughter had no trouble entertaining herself for nearly 4 hours.

I used to spend a lot of time outdoors through my college years, but once I entered the “real world,” I’ve been less committed. I feel a lot healthier now that I spend more time outside with my daughter. Even if it’s just sitting on the front steps, the outdoors is at once more relaxing and exciting at the same time. It’s relaxing because natural noises lull you in the place of electronic ringtones and computer clicks. It’s exciting because all sorts of things can and do happen: you chat with your neighbors, a helicopter flies overhead, or a large butterfly catches your eye. I now value outdoor time as much as exercise and eating right.


5. Love like there’s no tomorrow.


Toddlers have little emotional restraint, and as parents, it’s our job to teach them how to work through emotions so they can live a normal life. But when it comes to love, toddlers have the right idea. They have no qualms springing a hug on you, even if it means nearly tripping you in the process. My daughter’s kiss is the best gift I have ever received in this world. She gives it at a moment’s notice, and it is always accompanied by the most genuine smile. The feeling it evokes cannot be described by ordinary words.

Imagine the world with more toddler love. It’d probably involve more chases and tickling, but I could live with that.

What have you learned from your children?

Monday, 3 September 2012

Desires and Goals in Tune

A lot of people try “affirmations”, “creative visualisations”, techniques such as the Law of Attraction and other methods outlined in "The Secret", or other ways to achieve their goals.  They do this for a while, sometimes for a long while, but find nothing appears to be happening.  They are no nearer their goals than when they first started.  What is going wrong?

Does this strike a chord at all?  Have you found yourself in this position?  I know I have!  But not because there is anything intrinsically wrong with those systems.  They have certainly worked for many people.  So why didn’t they work for me when I first tried them?

Continuing the musical metaphor, I believe the biggest cause of failure is that our goals are simply not properly in tune with our real underlying desires.  And until they ARE in tune I can pretty much guarantee they CANNOT work.

The first task, therefore, of anyone attempting any kind of self-improvement or success programme should be to isolate all of those underlying desires.

The second task is to check that each of those desires are in harmony, and work on “retuning” any that create a discord.

And finally, once we are certain all our desires are congruent, we can then check that our goals are also congruent with these “tuned up” desires.  At this point we will find those personal development and success systems really start to work.

Enough of the metaphors!  What exactly am I talking about?

Let me give you a simple example.

Imagine a young man who has decided he wants to find his perfect “mate”.  He has bought a system that claims it will teach the user to seduce any young lady he fancies.  She will be swooning over him before she even realises what is happening (yes, there really are such systems for sale out there, although I have never bought one or recommended one to any of my subscribers).  He is delighted with his purchase and immediately begins putting the system into practice.  It doesn’t work.

Why?  Was the system itself wrong?  No, in fact there was nothing technically wrong with the system.  I suggest there WAS something morally wrong, but technically it should have worked.

The reason it didn’t work is that this particular young man is not as lacking in morals as you might have imagined at the outset of my story.  Deep down inside he respects all people as individuals.  He has an underlying desire to love and respect everyone, and to be loved and respected by them.  This desire is quite out of harmony with his superficial desire to “seduce” any young lady he fancies.  He does not recognise this conflict, as he has interpreted his desire to be loved in the wrong way, and believes it will be satisfied by applying this “seduction” technique.  But his very powerful unconscious mind does recognise the conflict, and refuses to allow him to achieve that goal which is not properly aligned with his real underlying desire.  Every time he makes an affirmation that is out of line with that true desire, his unconscious mind throws a counter affirmation into the equation, which completely neutralises it.

Now the example I have just given was perhaps rather an extreme example, and one which is easy to recognise and to fix.  This young man should recognise that his goal of seducing a young lady is simply not appropriate for him, and throw away the system he bought.  That system would only work for him if he were not, underneath, the moral person he really is.

Most of us, of course, are not trying to use our success and personal development systems for such an obviously inappropriate purpose.  But still the reason they are not working for us is almost certainly that we have not yet fully understood our inner desires and made sure our goals are properly aligned with them.  Until we do, every time we “affirm” or “creatively visualise” we will be fighting with our own unconscious mind.  And believe me, in a battle between the conscious and unconscious mind the unconscious always wins.

So take some time now to analyse exactly what it is you want out of life.  Meditate on each of the desires or goals you have identified – do you really want this, or is it just a passing fancy (or something someone else wanted for you).  Make sure they are all aligned and none are out of kilter.  Eliminate those that create a discord – you will not find it too difficult to recognise them once you get into the habit of this practice.  If you take the time to do this I can guarantee you will at the very least be happier.  I cannot guarantee whatever success or personal development system you are using will then work – apart from anything else this will depend on the quality of that system itself.  But you will certainly be much better positioned to get better results from any systems you apply.

Author:

Graham A Dragon


Tuesday, 28 August 2012

August Book Review

Personal Development Book Review


Welcome to my August book review.  A bit late in the month this time, but it is still August - just!

This month I am looking at books designed to help us change ourselves from within so that we can achieve what we want to achieve in life.  How to change the negatives within us into positives.  All three focus on this general topic, but each from a slightly different angle.

Click on the title of any book that particularly interests you and you can buy it right away from Amazon.

First up is:
 

Self-Defeating Behaviors: Free Yourself from the Habits, Compulsions, Feelings, and Attitudes That Hold You Back

by

Milton R. Cudney and Robert E. Hardy


The title of this book says it all, really!  It is not a new book, but still what it has to say is refreshingly up to day.  Have a look at what some readers who bought it have to say:


"What is your life like? Is it a relentless procession of empty days, an endless cycle of meaningless, frustrating work and unrelaxing sleep? Do you repeat the same pattern of joyless days and empty nights ad nauseam? Do you bounce out of bed eager to face another exciting day filled with opportunities for enjoyment, human contact and personal growth? Has the memory of the irrepressible you faded into dust? Has your life become an arduous and repetitive ordeal? Do you keep hurting yourself, and does this recognition keep haunting you, day and night? Are you acting on misguided choices, doing and saying things that virtually guarantee dissatisfaction and unhapppiness? If you answered ‘Yes’ (or even ‘Maybe’) to any of those questions, have I got good news for you!

The best book I have seen that specifically addresses how we can reclaim our mental, emotional and spiritual power from the traps we ourselves have built and continue to nourish is ‘Self-Defeating Behaviors’ by Cudney and Hardy. On second reading, it is a truly phenomenal work. I have already purchased and distributed over two dozen copies. It provides a dynamic model of the way we construct, defend and nurture our self-defeating behaviors, while we simultaneously minimize the real pain heaped upon us and the people around us, and abdicate responsibility for the whole thing!

We are each of us presented with a continuous stream of new moments of life, in which we exercise choices. Each of these choices can lead either to a self-defeating behavior or to a behavior that affirms and honors life. At certain times, we ‘learn’ (i.e. we make an invalid association) that we can avoid work/pain/criticism or other fear by choosing a certain escapist behaviors or thoughts. This choice, expressed through various internal and external techniques, results in various prices that we must pay. In order to continue avoiding our fears, we proceed to minimize the prices (by saying, for example, ‘It's not all that bad; I can stand the discomfort’), and finally, to disown the choice we made (‘It's not MY fault; it was my parents/teachers/bullies/social conditions/the government/ghosts/the voices/...’).

That cycle, from our choices of developing internal and external techniques to avoid some (mythical) fear(s), and then refusing to pay the price, results in a full-blown self-defeating cycle, which feeds on itself, getting worse and worse, engulfing more and more areas of our lives. Even when new techniques are learned (such as NLP!!) which appear to offer the promise of positive growth, they quickly and effortlessly become swallowed up in the seething vortex of self-defeating behaviors, making it even bigger than ever! This black hole effect can easily escalate from disappointment to depression, food/alcohol/drug abuse, violence, murder and ultimately, suicide. Unless we recognize and terminate this vicious cycle, ALL of our other efforts can lead to naught, mired in our old habits of thought and action."
-    Amazon Customer

"This book made a major difference in my life. We all have many kinds of relationships and roles to play in life, and one of those relationships lasts the longest -- from cradle to grave. That's the relationship I have with myself. In my case, that means John Prin's relationship with John Prin. I can be my worst enemy or my best friend. What the authors showed me was that it is my choice. I choose how I relate to me, whether I acknowledge it or not.

The main theme? When unhealthy choices are made, we choose self-defeating behaviors that separate us from our core attitudes, beliefs, feelings and values. When healthy choices are made, we choose 'life-enhancing behaviors' that fit or strengthen our core being. Over time, depending on the mix of choices, our lives are either headed for breakdowns or breakthroughs. Thanks to the wisdom and clarity in this book, along with the easy-to-understand charts and diagrams, breakthroughs in my life are happening on a scale I never dreamed possible.

The pace is methodical but not plodding. Every sentence and paragraph makes sense as you read it. The authors strive to help readers to define and to behave in ways that serve their own best interests, and to create better selves from the inside out -- as I have learned to do and described in my book STOLEN HOURS. For anyone who has dealt with puzzling failures or intense negative emotions, including addictions and crippling moods, the information and encouragement in this book are a godsend. "
-     John Howard Prin, author of STOLEN HOURS: Breaking Free From Secret Addictions, Syren Books 2004




The Power Of Being Different
by
John Paul Carinci


"John Carinci is an excellent writer who knows how to keep a reader's interest. I am an avid reader of self-help books, have read many of the books John recommends, and have already learned many of the life lessons that Mr. Carinci presents in this book, but his writing style is refreshing and the examples and quotes he uses are inspirational.

I particularly enjoyed the author's point that the odds of our birth are like winning the lottery. The one in a million chances that an egg would be fertilized coupled with the likelihood that the development of the embryo into the miniature person born in this time and place that perpetuated our personhood is phenomenal. Those coupled with the fact that we survived exposure to disease and accidents and live in an age of modern medicine; opportunity, education, and freedom that promote our longevity and ability to have a meaningful life are not an accident. We are here for a reason!

The author does an exception job laying out how people who work hard and think positively employing the gifts they are born with and those that they develop should not be satisfied with their accomplishments. Rather, they should strive to make a positive impact on the world and leave behind a legacy that will impact humanity through the ages. He gave numerous examples of such people who ignored ridicule and persevered to accomplish and make our world one of technological advancement. He encourages us to be different, to dream, to act and never be satisfied with what is, but strive for new and better ways to live, work and play.

The author encourages us to make time for ourselves and extend our waking alert hours living healthily and purposefully. Example after examples are provided of people who were either not born with certain physical attributes or have lost them, but nevertheless have used their minds and ingenuity to achieve great things that impact the world as we know it. He believes that those who have passed on their gifts look down at us and challenge us to improve upon their contributions.

I recommend this book to people of all ages and backgrounds. It is uplifting and enlightening. I am glad I read it and you will be too."
-    Tom McGee

"The Power of Being Different never leaves you bored. This book is filled with quotes, humor, and wonderful advice to get anyone up and moving and becoming all they can be. No room for procrastination here. Along with all the good advice, Carcini is obviously a spiritual person, writing a motivational book toward being your true self.

I believe that John Carcini should become a motivational speaker for I sense a gift for delivering wise advice to all. "
-    Mary Ann Johnston



The Power of Self-Coaching: The Five Essential Steps to Creating the Life You Want
by
Joseph J. Luciani


"This empowering book will teach, inspire, and coach you to break the habits of insecurity that prevent you from realizing your spontaneous inner potential for genuine happiness."
-    John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"There is nothing more empowering than accepting responsibility. Taking responsibility is not about assuming fault; it is about re-taking the helm and control of your journey in life. This book will help you navigate through the difficulties of personality and behavioral change to more emotional peace."
-    Dr. Laura Schlessinger, author of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands


"I don't have depression or anxiety and I swear I will never go to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I rarely even go to regular doctors, but am slightly more convinced of the importance of dentists.

Imagine my surprise when I found myself reading Dr. Luciani's book, realizing that many of the habits of insecurity and control could be found in my own life. I came across Dr. Luciani's philosophy of Self-Talk and his views on the habit-based nature of anxiety and depression on his website. Through reading his thoughtful and empathetic answers to truly troubled individuals seeking comfort and understanding, I was moved to read Dr. Luciani's articles and then to purchase The Power of Self-Coaching.

I still won't go to a doctor, but Dr. Luciani's book made me realize that my lifelong anxiousness and fear of failure are habits that I can break through sustained positive affirmation. Self-Coaching is a great tool for everyone struggling to deal with the stress of modern families and careers, regardless of whether you have a diagnosis of anxiety or depression, or are just feeling nervy all of the time."
-    M Long

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Using Your Subconscious

How to Use Your Subconscious to Change Your Life



“Never go to sleep without a request to your subconscious.” – Thomas Edison

Your subconscious loves to do work while your body performs other tasks that are easy. I can prove this very easily by asking you how many good ideas you have had while driving or in the shower. When you are relaxed yet slightly distracted, your mind is often at its best.

Using subconscious requests will…
  •     Improve your motivation.
  •     Help you become happier.
  •     Increase your emotional intelligence.
You’ll see improvement in less than a month.

My last request was…

“Please give me more patience when commuting to work and allow me to even enjoy my time in the car.”

Within a month I was enjoying my ride to work.

My latest request is…

“Let’s find creative ways to grow my blog.”

I took this approach because it’s going to take a request to my subconscious and action in my waking life to make this happen. This request is only a few days old, but it’s already working. Instead of just asking people to help vote for my blog on social sites that rate articles such as Stumble Upon and Digg, I’ve change my communication. I now friend someone, give a compliment (only if they are worthy) and tell them that they ever need any help to shoot me a message. They are much more willing to help me out.

Mindset


My mindset is changing by setting my subconscious on a certain issue.  I start to see new angles that I’ve never seen before. This subconscious request works for personal issues as well as work related concerns.

The 3 step request only takes five minutes:

Step 1: Before you turn out the light, close your eyes and take one minute to make a request to your subconscious. It can be anything. I would start small and make it open ended. I wouldn’t request to be an astronaut by the end of the month. Your subconscious is good, but not that good.

Step 2: Take two minutes to visualize yourself actually able to do this thing. Whether it is getting the motivation to jog before work or eating a healthy snack, you must visualize yourself doing the request that you asked your subconscious. Let’s say you want to jog before work: imagine yourself getting up a few minutes earlier than usual, putting on your exercise clothes and jogging shoes, and heading out into the crisp air. Then you start jogging, watching the sun rise over the buildings, the birds chirping, and you are feeling good.

Step 3: Take two minutes to imagine the feeling that will occur when you are able to accomplish this new thing. How do you feel when you walk back in your front door after a morning jog? Energized? Whatever feeling you want to achieves imagine that you have already created this emotion inside of yourself. Let it sink in, then go to sleep and let your subconscious do the rest of the work.

Your subconscious mind wants to help you improve your life; you just have to trust its vast resources and allow it to do its thing.

Action Makes Your Request Real


You may not want to go jogging after the first subconscious request, but try to visualize yourself going through the motions the first couple of weeks. Then just start putting on your exercise gear and go for a five minute walk. Taking these baby steps will set you up for your jogging routine. Then after a few weeks just go for it. Now that you have your emotions geared toward jogging it should spur you into action.

By allowing the emotional momentum to build, you can create motivation that will help you accomplish things that make you happier.

Thursday, 16 August 2012

Making Your Dreams Come True

Do you have any dreams you would like to realise?  I hope so!  We all need dreams!

Those dreams could be about money, your personal life, your spiritual life, improving your physique, in fact they could be about anything at all.  No matter what they are, watch this video by Jack Canfield (author of the famous "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series) and you will be far better placed to achieve them:



If this presentation by Jack Canfield inspired you as much as it did me, you will want to hear more from him.  In the comments on the YouTube page where I found it one viewer suggested buying the complete course from Amazon.  The only problem is this is actually a very old course, and it is in VHS video format, not a DVD.  Why not, instead, get bang up to date inspiration from Jack by joining his Inner Circle Club?  You can find out more about this club here:

"The Inner Circle Club"

Friday, 10 August 2012

Awakening Our True Potential

Author: Richard Smoley


Man is born an unfinished creature. He cannot walk or talk or feed himself. Long years of care are required to bring him to even the most minimal levels of self-sufficiency.

And yet even after the typical person has reached the stage of functioning that we call adulthood, something still seems to be missing. In a sense, of course, something will always be missing; there are always new horizons to discover and new skills to attain. But the lack may go further. There is a sense in which even the mature human being is incomplete. The Freemasons allude to this when they speak of the candidate for initiation as a “rough ashlar.” An ashlar is a block of stone; in its rough state it fits only approximately into its intended setting. Some kind of process is needed to adjust and polish it so that it is perfectly suited to its function.

Some may balk at this description – are we, after all, nothing more than raw materials to be sent down some assembly line to be made into identical pieces of manufactured goods? That is the kind of transformation society as a whole seems to envisage. And we would do well to mistrust it. The process to which the Masonic initiations allude has something more than mere conformity as its goal; it is not a matter of circus horses trying to break themselves in. It is the opposite: it is a matter of having access to our own potential, developing it, and offering to the service of higher aims.

This process has been discussed often, sometimes (as in Masonry) allegorically, sometimes in more straightforward terms. But even so it has rarely been presented in a reasonably honest and lucid way. Most of the time, developing human potential is portrayed as a kind of hypertrophy – the exaggerated development of certain functions at the expense of others.

Recently I read a magazine profile of a prominent Oxford philosopher. He had written a fourteen-hundred-page treatise on moral philosophy, in which he had examined and refuted all possible criticisms and objections to his thesis. Yet the article said he wore the same clothes each day (white shirt, black trousers) and did not like to look at any building that was not adorned with columns. His capacity for human interaction sounded rather primitive. In the end I was left with the impression of a gigantic cerebrum attached to a vestigial body.

Is this what is meant by developing our human potential? For many people it is. The abstracted philosopher is only one specimen. Others are the athlete who is nothing more than his sport, the painter who can do nothing more than paint. Some of the greatest achievements of the human race have been attained by such people. But the overdevelopment of talents can and does turn into a Faustian bargain. Breakdowns, crises, and collapses seem to dog these individuals. We may envy their achievements, but their fragility warns us against imitating them.

The same holds true for abilities that are considered paranormal. Although science does not care to admit it, it is possible to develop psychic powers such as telepathy, clairvoyance, and telekinesis. Indeed, in his forthcoming book The Reality of ESP: A Physicist’s Proof of Psychic Abilities, Russell Targ, one of the leading parapsychologists in the US, argues that anyone with a certain amount of (not very difficult) training can develop these skills. Nevertheless, overemphasis on these abilities, no matter how miraculous they may seem, creates problems as well. Psychics, clairvoyants, visionaries, and healers frequently seem imbalanced, having developed one skill or power at the expense of the whole.

That is why I would like to suggest a slightly different model of developing human potential, one that is not designed to serve the interests of society (or business or political powers) at the individual’s own expense, but also one that avoids the trap of hypertrophy of a single area. Hence it begins with the crucial need for balance.

There are many models of the human mind, all of them insightful to a certain degree and all of them to a certain degree incomplete. One of the oldest and simplest sees the human makeup in terms of the body, the emotions, and the mind. We have already seen how some people are underdeveloped in one way or another. Even if we set aside extreme cases, esoteric teachings suggest that this is basically true of everyone. While it’s often easy enough to see someone else’s imbalances, it may not be so easy to see one’s own.

Gurdjieff’s Three Types of Humanity

The great twentieth-century spiritual teacher G.I. Gurdjieff divided the ordinary run of humanity into three types: man number 1, who is orientated toward the body; man number 2, who is centred in his emotions; and man number 3, who sees the world through the intellect. Moreover, Gurdjieff contended, human beings pass their lives in a kind of waking sleep – a low-grade trance populated by illusions and daydreams. These facts are all connected. Our sleep in ordinary life is characterised by the fact that we are overbalanced in one or another of these directions and fail to use the intelligence of the other parts of the mind.

This, then, is the first step toward awakening human potential: to see what type of individual you are, because this shapes how you conceive of the world. Man number 1 is often of a highly practical turn; he can fix anything but may not have the dimmest idea of how to express his emotions, and may not even know what emotions he is having. Man number 2, by contrast, sees everything through his feelings. Artistic types (whether or not they have any real artistic talent) are a prime example; everything is emotion, everything is drama. Man number 3 sees life as a series of intellectual problems. He may be able to discuss philosophical issues brilliantly or add up long rows of figures in his head, but may, as James Joyce remarked of one of his characters, live a short distance from his body. (The Oxford philosopher I have mentioned would be an example of man number 3.)

In all probability you are one of these three types. The first task in awakening human potential is, as the ancient motto said, to “know thyself,” and in a very fundamental sense this means knowing what type you are. One way of exploring this question is by looking at your leisure activities: what do you do with your free time? Are you compulsively active, running from sport to sport or task to task? Do you enjoy spending your time in pleasant fantasies of happier times past or present? Or would you rather curl up with a good book? Leisure activities are important cues because they are not compulsory; you are doing these things because you like them. Of course, work life offers its own share of data. Your profession is often based on type, even in cases where you are not doing the kind of work you want to do. You may think you are really an artist or writer but somehow you have found work as a plumber, and the work comes as second nature to you. You keep at it not because you like it but because it comes easily to you. Despite what he may think about himself, a person like this is probably man number 1.

Very few people are pure examples of any given type; we tend to be admixtures, with bundles of strengths and weaknesses, with skills and affinities that harmonise or conflict in any number of ways. Consequently it is not a matter of simply typing yourself as you might do when taking a test out of a magazine. Knowing yourself is a lifelong course of study.

Furthermore, self-knowledge is not a static process. There is a type of individual who is self-conscious to an extreme degree and can see her strengths and faults with remarkable clarity but is utterly unable to do anything about them. Consequently the next step in developing human potential is trying to consciously balance ourselves, strengthening the weaker aspects of our natures and making sure the stronger ones do not overpower the others. This is one meaning of Christ’s parable of the “evil servant,” who, when his master is away, “shall begin to smite his fellowservants, and to eat and drink with the drunken” (Matt. 24:45-49).

Balancing the Different Aspects of Yourself

Strengthening your weaker functions is never a pleasant task. Inevitably it involves giving time and energy to things you do not like. The intellectual must take up Tai Chi or learn carpentry; the artist must manage financial accounts; the athlete needs to paint pictures or write poetry. Because these are the things we do not like to do, we often find them unpleasant and humiliating, and it is a rare person who has the discipline to persist on his own.

Speaking personally, when I was a high-school student, I realised that my connection to my body was not all that it could be, so I took the somewhat extreme step of attempting ballet. But the rigorous discipline ballet demands of the body was too much for me; I lost interest in it and dropped it after two or three classes. Only years later, as a result of involvement with esoteric disciplines, was I able to work on a more conscious connection with the body through various movements and exercises. But I never took up ballet again.

Another one of my experiences, at an esoteric school in the north of England, casts further light on the sort of work required. The school was moving into a new centre, and a great deal of remodelling was needed. I was there for a residential course, and I was given the job of cutting wall-to-wall carpeting for one of the rooms. I was utterly hopeless at this task. I could not cut the carpet straight; I kept hacking at it and making a mess of it until I was relieved and someone was given the job who was able to carry it out in short order.

Why was the job given to me first? Not because anyone was under any illusions about my skills at laying carpet. Rather it was to show me something about myself, so that, by struggling with an unfamiliar task, I could see where some of my limitations lay. And in fact to this day as a homeowner, I find it a challenge to do the types of household repairs that other men do without trouble and sometimes with pleasure.

As this story suggests, it’s comparatively rare to even out one’s own imbalances completely. If you were really to do so, it would probably take a life’s work, and a life’s work cannot consist entirely of remedying imbalances. Nor is that the ultimate goal. Becoming a well-rounded person is a worthwhile aim, but from a spiritual point of view it still falls short of fulfilling the true potential that every human being possesses. What is this potential?

The student becomes aware of it little by little in the course of struggling with his imbalances. In the first place, he learns to become free from the roles he has identified with in the past. A man thinks, “I’m not a handyman,” but if he has to carry out some task of repair he learns that this is a limitation. His identification with whatever roles he has traditionally clung to – thinker or artist – impedes him in other areas of life. In this way he learns to become free of roles – or at any rate he is a little bit more suspicious of his own tendency to identify with them. This seemingly small step actually marks a crucial point of transition, because it frees up an initially tiny amount of will and attention that had been completely fixed in identification. In short, the student learns that there is an “I” that is separate from, and free from, all the things he has identified with up to this point.

I have spoken of this development taking place in the context of an esoteric school, and while there are not a huge number of these in the world, there are still a fair number. The ones I have encountered range across traditions: Gurdjieffian, Buddhist, Sufi, Qabalistic. Each has its own peculiar orientation, but the general type of training is the same – and in the beginning consists of the kind of work I have been talking about here. The question then arises, is a school necessary? Can you do this work all on your own?

Generally speaking, no. You did not learn how to speak English alone; you did not learn math or cooking or carpentry or whatever life skills you have on your own. Almost always there was some instruction, and usually some instructor, behind your training. You can teach yourself how to do some things, but these are the exceptions in life. Human beings need each other for many reasons, and one of them is learning. While it’s true that people can and do undergo spontaneous moments of awakening that illuminate their being past all previous limitations and preconceptions, these are rare cases, and you can’t count on being one of them. If it has happened to you, you are fortunate. Even so, such moments of awakening are, for many people, mere glimpses intended to motivate them to undertake the hard, slogging work that I have been talking about here.

In any event, at some point in one’s development, something starts to crystallise. And this something consists precisely of the small amount of will and attention that I spoke about earlier. An aspect of the mind begins to awaken and can see that it is not its roles, its tasks, or even its thoughts and feelings and emotions, but can step back and look at them almost as if they belonged to someone else. This is the true “I,” or at any rate the seed of the true “I.”

Ultimate Key to Human Potential: The True “I”

Remember that Christ in the Gospels often speaks of the kingdom of heaven as a seed. The metaphor is apt on more than one level. As the parable says, the sower sows seeds on all kinds of ground. That is, everyone has this seed of the true “I” – somewhere inside of you there is a Self that stands back and can witness, impartially but compassionately, all the doings of your life like a film. But most people take this for granted. They do not see it as important and they do not bother to develop it. To use the language of the parable again, the seeds fall on stony ground or the birds of the air eat them up.

But this Self, this true “I,” is the ultimate key to human potential. Almost all of the parables in the Gospels speak of it in one way or another. It is the pearl of great price; it is the treasure buried in a field that a man sells all he has to buy; it is the light “that lighteth every man that cometh into the world.” Everyone has this and can never lose it; it is immortal and indestructible; indeed it is the only thing about us that is genuinely immortal – everything else will pass away. But you can make contact with it and make it develop and grow or you can neglect it, as the majority of people do and have done throughout the course of history.

The choice is yours – now. Up to this point in your life you may not have been aware that you had this “I” within you or had the chance to develop it. You may have had the dim sense of something missing, or you may have had a vague longing of a journey that you have wanted to take without knowing where or why. This is the journey that you have wanted to take. If you were not aware of it before you read this article, you are aware of it now. And like the man in Christ’s parable of the treasure hidden in the field, you will either go out and sell all you have to buy it (figuratively speaking), or you will ignore it and return to the sleep of ordinary life.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven, and all else will be added unto you.” This true “I” is what the Gospels call the “kingdom of heaven.” If you have it – that is, if you are aware that you have it – the rest of life begins to fall into place, naturally and as it were spontaneously. This does not, of course, mean that life automatically becomes easy. It does mean that you become increasingly able to value things rightly. Money, possessions, status become progressively less important. You don’t need to become an ascetic and cast all these things away. You do need to put them in perspective and see that while they have instrumental value, they do not have ultimate value.

This teaching of the true “I” extends far beyond even esoteric Christianity. The sacred Hindu texts known as the Upanishads speak of it frequently. Here is one example: “Verily… that Imperishable is the unseen Seer, the unheard Hearer, the unthought Thinker, the ununderstood Understander. Other than It there is naught that sees. Other than It there is naught that hears. Other than It there is naught that thinks. Other than It there is naught that understands. Across this Imperishable… is space woven, warp and woof” (Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, 3.8.10).

The Gospels speak of this “unseen Seer,” also known as “the kingdom of heaven,” as a seed. A seed is not a fully developed plant. Similarly, this sense of “I” above and apart from our ordinary thoughts and feelings is also undeveloped when we first come across it. It is developed by further work, and even at a fairly early stage it becomes obvious what this work is. I’m tempted to use words here such as love and compassion, but what I am getting at goes far beyond even these characteristics. To put it as simply as possible, it involves a further insight: that this “I” that exists at the core of my being also exists at the core of all other beings, human and nonhuman, animate and inanimate. It is very hard in ordinary language to express the idea that what is most essentially myself is precisely that which I have in common with all others, but this is exactly the case.

Most spiritual traditions speak of a dual path that they characterise as wisdom and compassion or of knowledge and love. While these two potencies may appear at first to be separate, in fact as a student progresses they seem more and more to converge. There is a first level of awakening – to become conscious of the true “I.” The second level is to understand how vast and all-pervasive it is and that so far from cutting us off from others, it is precisely what unites us with them. In this way individual consciousness becomes universal consciousness.

Earlier in this article I mentioned that psychic powers are comparatively easy to develop. So they are. But if they are developed independently of the greater growth that I am speaking of here, they risk becoming a trap. (Practically all the great spiritual traditions warn of this.) By contrast, if we work to grow the seed of the individual consciousness into the greater consciousness that embraces all of us, paranormal powers come more or less naturally. You will not necessarily find that you can read minds or predict the future at will, but you probably will find that you know what you need to know when you need to know it – sometimes in ordinary ways, sometimes in ways that are quite startling.

I have tried, in an extremely brief way, to sketch out some of the key aspects of developing human potential. Of necessity this description will seem somewhat linear. You start as a novice; you experience certain types of insight or awakening; and gradually these insights become more stable and present in your day-to-day life. In a sense this is all true. But the path – if it is right to call it a path – is more circuitous than this. Doubts come after awakening; fear closes in again after times of great opening. More than once it will seem as if all the gains of years of effort have suddenly evaporated. I do not know how to avoid this problem – if it can be avoided. I do know that when one picks up again, after however long a time, the knowledge and faith that one had before reasserts itself, and the long, laborious work of transformation can recommence. As one of Gurdjieff’s pupils once observed, “No conscious effort is ever lost.”

About the author:

RICHARD SMOLEY has over thirty years of experience studying and practicing esoteric spirituality. His books include Hidden Wisdom: A Guide to the Western Inner Traditions (with Jay Kinney); The Essential Nostradamus; Forbidden Faith: The Secret History of Gnosticism; and Conscious Love: Insights from Mystical Christianity. He is editor of Quest Books and Quest magazine, both published by the Theosophical Society in America. His website is www.innerchristianity.com.

The above article appeared in New Dawn No. 129 (November-December 2011).

© Copyright New Dawn Magazine, http://www.newdawnmagazine.com. Permission granted to freely distribute this article for non-commercial purposes if unedited and copied in full, including this notice.

Saturday, 4 August 2012

How Dreaming Changed My Life

By Alison Ottaway

Were you one of those kids who was always told off for looking out of the window at school?

I wasn’t.

I was usually looking at the teacher.

You see, I’ve never been a natural dreamer. Dreaming wasn’t part of my upbringing. Security and down-to-earth practicality were. Dreaming was one of those indulgent, ‘waste of time’ activities.

Thing are different now though. Now I know that dreaming is one of the most powerful activities I can engage with.

No one told me about the power of dreaming. I had to figure it out for myself.

It’s the changes I have made in my life that have taught me this truth: If you want to change your life and go after the things that you really want, you need to dream.

How dreaming helped me lose half my body weight:


My introduction to the power of dreaming was at the age of 20, when I was over 20 stone (280lbs). I’d had a problem with weight throughout my childhood. It made me sad because I knew that the real me didn’t look like the one I saw in the mirror! Approaching my 21st birthday I saw my 20s stretching ahead of me and I thought, ‘I want my 20s to be fun, fun, fun! There are so many amazing, exciting things I could do.’ I used to imagine the fun that I could have. The people I could meet, the places I could go, the clothes I could wear, the men I could flirt with and how beautiful I could look.

It was dreaming – and how I felt when I thought about what could be- that gave me the strength to change. It directly informed the start of my weight loss process (refusing some chocolate raisins offered to me on Boxing Day). And my vision kept me going – when the last thing I wanted to do was get out that exercise tape, when I really wanted to eat chocolate, when I thought of the enormity of the task swamped me.

Of course, once I’d started changing, I saw the results – the looser clothes, the changes in my face, the increase in my energy…and as I got closer and closer to realising my dreams and my visions spurred me on even more.

How dreaming got me doing what I love:


At 26 I was well and truly entrenched in the corporate life. I’d successfully climbed the career ladder and was working for Microsoft. ‘Wow’, some might say. But I dreamt of a different life. One that was more fulfilling, more meaningful and more vital – where I really cared about what I was doing and I made a difference. I decided to take a 3 month sabbatical from my job and travel. I taught English in Brazil, trekked the Inca trail in Peru and visited Australia and New Zealand, before working with ethnomusicologists in deepest Russia.

These 3 joyous months really encouraged me to dream. I was seeing, feeling and living possibilities. I started to conjure up a another life – one where I was doing what I loved, using my own talents and fascinations – being myself and doing work that didn’t seem like work.

I returned from the trip and started to make the changes I needed to find another job. I left behind the golden Microsoft role and took a job with a music charity in London. I continued to dream and those dreams kept beckoning me onwards to more change. After a year in the music industry, I returned to college. The confidence I was gaining helped me get bolder and last year I set up Path Less Trodden, to help other people follow their passions and live their dreams. I’m now using all of my gifts to bring support and inspiration to others and doing work that I love every day.

Are you convinced about the power of dreaming yet?!

Let me hit you with one final example from my own change catalogue:

How dreaming moved me 1000 miles:


I love everything Italian: The sun, the food, the people, the music, the language. It didn’t actually visit Italy, however, until 2003. Following that first visit, which cemented my love, my visits became more frequent and longer, because I felt so great there…I felt more like me.

Along with this passion for Italy, I’ve always hankered after moving to a different country, but part of me used to think that I just ‘wasn’t the sort of person who did that kind of thing’.

In 2009 I moved to Italy and have made my home here in Tuscany. Again it was dreaming that got me here. This time, my dreams coincided with a period of illness. It lasted 6 months, and I was forced to move back in with my parents. It was during this period that my dreaming came into sharp focus – ‘If only I can get better, I’ll move to Italy…that’s what I really want’. I’d dream about the sun, the rolling hills and my beautiful Tuscan home.

I did get better, and as I did I slowly put the steps in place to enable me to get here. Now I’m surrounded by what I used to dream about: La Dolce Vita!

I learnt some useful things from looking at the teacher and my books at school, but dreaming wasn’t one of them. I’ve had to learn for myself and from my own experience just how important dreaming is to getting a life that you actually want.

Want to have a life you love? Visualise it. Flesh it out: Live it, breathe it, smell it and taste it. What does it look like? Who’s there? How do you feel?

Let’s make a stand for staring out of the window and give dreaming the credit it is due for the vital part it plays in bringing you a body, home and life that you love.

This article was originally published in www.thechangeblog.com.

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Subconscious Mind Power


Our subconscious has a truly amazing amount of power – more than we realize, in fact. It is like a child version of us, but one that demands both to be heard and acknowledged, and one that has a lot of power. It has the power to assist us in our manifestation and creation efforts and also to stop our efforts just as quickly. It is the door that can open and close the flow of abundance for us. It can literally block our creation efforts in more than one way. And because the subconscious is so powerful in nature, it is essential that we include it in our thoughts, actions and choices as much as possible on a regular basis.

It is often required in my work that I communicate directly with my clients’ subconscious to find out the source of subconscious fears so that I can more effectively help my client to move past them. One of the biggest complaints I hear from my clients’ subconscious is that the client does not pay enough attention to it, and as a result, it does things to get their attention. I have seen clients’ subconscious stop them from creating and manifesting because of all kinds of fears it has and take a very active role in interfering by confusing them or interjecting negative thoughts to interrupt the creation of positive outcomes in their lives, and even go so far as to utilize their positive energy in a negative manner to manifest the direct opposite of the client’s intended goal.

Because our subconscious is not living the physical existence that we do on a daily basis, it often finds it easier simply to live with less than to conquer its fears to move on to something better. Why not? It doesn’t have bills to pay or food and clothes to buy for the family. It doesn’t have relationships to sort out, communication issues to deal with, or decisions to make. But you do – your conscious self, that is. So, while it doesn’t have to deal with all the problems and responsibilities that you do on a daily basis, it still has an effect on them because it can make your physical life very difficult. This is one of the main reasons why understanding your subconscious better can benefit you in so many ways.

Here’s an example…

Say, for example, you were able to communicate on a much deeper level with your subconscious to find out if it is blocking financial abundance from coming to you. What you found when you looked deeper was that it had a fear of abundance. Now you can find out where the fear began and work with your subconscious to release it, so that it will work with you instead of against you to allow you to receive more abundance in your physical life.

Clearing our subconscious of its fears and apprehensions not only allows us to move further toward our goals, but also allows us to know ourselves more fully without those fears in place. In this way, we can experience the joy, gratitude, and abundance that is intended for us as we step into who we truly are without the fears that held us back for so long.

Monday, 23 July 2012

Book Review

Welcome to the July edition of my Personal Development Book Review.

Click on the title of any book that particularly interests you and you can buy it right away from Amazon.


Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking


by Susan Cain


At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society--from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer.

Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so. Taking the reader on a journey from Dale Carnegie’s birthplace to Harvard Business School, from a Tony Robbins seminar to an evangelical megachurch, Susan Cain charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal in the twentieth century and explores its far-reaching effects. She talks to Asian-American students who feel alienated from the brash, backslapping atmosphere of American schools. She questions the dominant values of American business culture, where forced collaboration can stand in the way of innovation, and where the leadership potential of introverts is often overlooked. And she draws on cutting-edge research in psychology and neuroscience to reveal the surprising differences between extroverts and introverts.

Perhaps most inspiring, she introduces us to successful introverts--from a witty, high-octane public speaker who recharges in solitude after his talks, to a record-breaking salesman who quietly taps into the power of questions. Finally, she offers invaluable advice on everything from how to better negotiate differences in introvert-extrovert relationships to how to empower an introverted child to when it makes sense to be a "pretend extrovert."

This extraordinary book has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how introverts see themselves.

As both a Quaker and a bit of an introvert, I have found this title particularly inspiring.  Here is what some other readers of this book have found:

"Simply put, this book was amazing at opening my eyes and realising just who I am. I'v realised that I've spent my life fighting to be more extroverted when instead I should accept myself and maximise on that."
-    Bob (UK)

"Quiet is a book I would recommend to anyone, regardless of whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. I think that introverts like myself will feel better about our personalities and will see that the way we operate can be a strength rather than a social liability, as many of us have been conditioned to believe. And I think that extroverts can learn that introverts aren't necessarily socially backwards or cold, but people who often feel awkward in our own skins because we see and admire the outgoing traits of extroverts but may have trouble emulating them. This book simply works on so many levels: from the corporate world to the world of education and right on down to a personal level.
-    Bookphile (USA)

"I love this book - it's all about my life. I learned at an early age how to turn on an extrovert personality and engage to be successful, and then retreat into a solitude to close out all sounds and activity to regroup.

This world is sometimes so loud, I think everyone should read this book and find a part of themselves here."
-    Ebeth (Ohio)


The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business


Charles Duhigg


In The Power of Habit, award-winning New York Times business reporter Charles Duhigg takes us to the thrilling edge of scientific discoveries that explain why habits exist and how they can be changed. With penetrating intelligence and an ability to distill vast amounts of information into engrossing narratives, Duhigg brings to life a whole new understanding of human nature and its potential for transformation.

"This is a book you can read as a self help book, or just as a inspiring book filled with true stories about people that quite literally rewired the habits of their own brains and others that effected change in mass groups of people using the power of habit. If nothing else its interesting. "
-    Mini-moo

"I found this book to be a good read that kept you wanting to know more. The author really does an excellent job teaching about how habits are made and how they can be changed. The examples he gives make the reading interesting and applicable. He gives examples of how habits can be used for the positive (to improve companies, help the brain damaged, help smokers quit) and for the negative (to promote "special rights" for the homosexual agenda, cause a man to murder in his sleep, and lead to a deadly fire in the London underground). It's a recommended read for those wanting to dig deeper to understand habits. "
-    J McDonald (Ohio)

"This is a very up to date and intriguing piece of research which will help me with my weightloss group work."
-    hippychic (London)


Spy the Lie: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Detect Deception


Philip Houston, Mike Floyd & Susan Carnicero


Imagine how different your life would be if you could tell whether someone was lying or telling you the truth. Be it hiring a new employee, investing in a financial interest, speaking with your child about drugs, confronting your significant other about suspected infidelity, or even dating someone new, having the ability to unmask a lie can have far-reaching and even life-altering consequences.

Identify the signs, ask the right questions, get to the truth - "Spy the Lie" is a fascinating study of deception and a comprehensive lesson in how to identify and combat it. Featuring case studies based on the authors' real-life experiences in the field - involving 'turned' assets, KGB moles and criminal government officials - it reveals the methodology developed and used by the CIA to detect deception in the realms of counter-terrorism and criminal investigation, and shows you how you can apply these techniques in your daily life. Whether hiring a new employee, investing money, knowing whether your boss is being straight with you, or finding out what your kids have been up to, this ingenious book will enable you to identify deceptive behavior in all its forms, and show you the techniques that will help you reach the truth.


"'Spy the Lie' provides insights from highly experienced practitioners of deception detection. Readers will not only learn useful perspectives on detecting deception, but to also be aware that lie detection is usually not easy and requires an open mind and strategy.

The primary obstacles that gets in the way of detecting deception are the belief that people will not lie to you, along with a bias that people are innocent until proven guilty and being uncomfortable judging others. The authors begin by suggesting one look for deceptive behavior within five seconds of a question, as well as for a cluster of such behaviors - a single 'suspicious' behavior may mean nothing.

Most of 'Spy the Lie' is taken up with specific suggestions on what to look for. For example, failure to understand a simple question is a deceptive behavior. Another - deceptive persons sometimes respond to an allegation with a truthful statement that casts him/her in a very favorable light such as giving Bibles to the homeless. Truthful responses tend to be direct and spontaneous, and the person is alert and composed. Unfortunately, untruthful persons can also show these behaviors - especially if prepared.

Failure to directly answer a question, directly respond with a denial, repeating the question, making general statements in response (eg. 'I would never do something like that'), non-answer statements, inconsistent statements, and going into attack mode are all indicators of untruthfulness. Other such indicators include procedural compliance, trying to butter up the questioner, involving religion (eg. 'I swear to God'), selective memory, and smiling in response questions about a heinous crime are other indicators.

Questioners can sometimes be too specific - eg. asking questions about a '12-year affair' when it was only 11.5 years long. Presumptive questions, such as 'What happened at Nicole's last night?' are preferred over leading questions - 'You were at Nicole's last night, weren't you?' The best question - 'Is there any reason any of the neighbors will tell us they saw you in the area last night?' (Broader is better, not limited to the next-door neighbor as the suspect may know he/she wasn't home.) The authors also advise against bluff questions such as 'We have someone who says he saw you in Nicole's neighborhood last night.'

A suspects lack of eye contact, closed posture, general nervousness, and preemptive responses are not good indicators of untruthfulness per the authors. The authors suggest sitting interviewees in a chair that has wheels, rocks and swivels, and even movable arm rests. This allows nervous body impulses to be seen.

'Spy the Lie' ends with suggested question lists for several situations, as well as including a number of actual questioning situations involving well-known cases. "
-    Loyd E. Eskildson

"The authors deliver an instructive, informative, and practical guide as to how you can detect lies. An interesting essay presents a follow-up detecting process on deception. Imagine conducting an interview, confronting your soul-mate on issues or speaking to your child about drugs, and being able to reveal the truth. This captivating book provides useful tools on how to tell if someone is lying or telling the truth. To have the ability to unmask a lie is not only amazing, but can be extremely effective in life-altering consequences. Entertaining and Highly Recommended!"
-     Geraldine Ahearn