Self Empowerment

If only ...!

Have you ever used those words?  I bet you have!

If only I could lose another few pounds!  If only I had more money!  If only [spouse name] would understand me better!  If only I could be more successful!  If only ...!

But did you realize that by saying "if only ..." in this way you are making it far less likely that whatever you are wishing for will happen?  "If only ..." tells your subconscious mind that you do not believe it is possible.  Your subconscious mind believes whatever you tell it, especially if there is emotion attached to what you say, and what your subconscious mind truly believes will come to pass.

When you say "if only I could lose another few pounds!" you are telling your subconscious that you have reached the limit of your slimming ability and it is not possible for you to lose any more weight, not even a single pound.  Your subconscious will note this and will ensure you do not lose any more weight.  You will now either stay the same weight or even put on a few more pounds.  Is that what you wanted to happen?  Of course not!

When you say "if only I had more money!" you are telling your subconscious that the amount of money you have in your bank right now (or at least the rolling average balance) is all you will ever have.  No matter what you try to do about it you will never be able to get any more.  Your subconscious will note this and will ensure you do not increase that balance except temporarily.  Either your rolling average will remain the same from now on or it will go even lower.  Is that what you wanted to happen?  I think not!

It gets even worse when your "if only ..." relates to people around you.  Not only do you give the wrong message to your own subconscious, but you also broadcast it to those people too, to their subconscious.  Now you have both your own subconcious and that of the people around you working against you.  How's that for setting yourself up for failure?

The biggest step you can take to self empowerment is to stop saying "if only ...!".  Wipe that phrase out of your vocabulary for good!  It does not exist!

It is so easy to turn it around.  Take "if only I could lose a few more pounds!"  Now wipe out "if only".  It changes into "I could lose a few more pounds" - much better!  As a second step, change that subjunctive tense of "could", which makes it a bit wishy washy and uncertain.  Some people change it into the future tense - "I will lose a few more pounds" - but you should instead say something which makes you feel as though you have already achieved this goal.  So "I have lost another four pounds!" would be a great way to modify this "if only".

Or "if only I had more money", becomes "I had more money", which then becomes "I have more money".  All you have to to now is quantify that statement with your monetary goal and you are there.

Everyone can use this self empowerment method, and it is very powerful indeed.  You don't even have to worry about what you need to focus on, as the "if only ..." phrases that try to emerge tell you where you can and should empower yourself.

From this moment on promise yourself you will never say "if only ..." ever again, or will only allow that phrase to appear fleetingly in order to determine what your next goal should be.  Do this and I have a promise for you - you will find your self empowerment has been ratched up enormously, which will make a tremendous difference in your life and the way you feel!

How to Improve Your Self Confidence

How self confident are you?  Do you believe you are capable of achieving anything you put your mind to, or are there lots of times you say "I am rubbish at that!"?

Let me begin by saying that no matter what you may think you ARE capable of achieving anything you put your mind to.  We all are.  You just have to, well, put your mind to it!

Let me also say that whenever you say "I am rubbish at that!", then you ARE rubbish at it.

Both points are absolutely true, even though they appear contradictory.

They are both true because of the enormous power we have within us.  Or perhaps I should say the infinite power we have within us - the power of the Universe.

We can use that power constructively or destructively, just as someone splitting the atom can use it to create electricity or to destroy cities the size of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

If you ever say "I am rubbish at ... " you will make yourself rubbish at it.

Perhaps one of the commonest uses of a phrase like that is "I am hopeless at remembering names!".  Have you ever said that?  If so, each time you say it you eat away at your ability to remember names until you really are hopeless.  To my shame I have said that more times than I would like to admit!  I never say it now, though, and am repairing the great damage I caused myself by saying it.

Recognize that if you keep telling yourself you are good at something, and really believe it as you say it, then you will become good at it.  That is the way to build your self confidence, as you can improve your ability in anything you wish just by telling yourself "I can!".

If you find your self confidence is very low I suggest you start this process in a small way.  If you begin the process by saying "I am a master at learning foreign languages" when you have always felt it was impossible to learn another language you might just find you are taking on too big a task at once.  So start with something smaller, affirm to yourself that you can do it, that you are really good at it, then work at that ability and you will see the improvement.  As you see the small improvements this will increase your overall self confidence and allow you to move on to bigger tasks.

And whatever you do, stop telling yourself you are no good at something or you cannot do something.  Maybe if you find it very difficult then avoid doing it if possible, but don't keep telling yourself you cannot do it.

Put these two techniques into practice and you will see an automatic improvement in your self confidence which will grow and grow every day.

Motivate Me!

How powerful is your motivation?  How easily can you pump your motivation up when you really need it?

I am sure you understand the need for motivation.  If you are trying to lose weight you know it is pretty much impossible unless you are highly motivated to lose it.  Without that powerful motivation you will always be tempted by the food and snacks you know you shouldn't eat.  Without that powerful motivation you will always find an excuse not to do your workout today.  Whatever it is you are trying to achieve, motivation is usually one of the keys to success.

If motivation is a key to success, what can you do to pump it up?

The answer I have found is to daydream.  Yes, you read that right - daydream!  I put myself in the position I will be in when I have achieved my goal.  Put myself there and really feel what it is like.  Not just for a few seconds, which is how some people pay lip service to this concept, but for as long as it takes to feel a real change in my thinking, emotions, and even my body.

You do need to prepare for this daydream though, otherwise you may find it goes nowhere.  So the first thing you should do is start to list all the advantages of achieving your goal.  Make this list as wide and extensive as you can.  See if you can produce 100 reasons why you want to achieve it.  That is probably a very tough target, but keep working at it.  You will probably find the first dozen or so ideas come quickly, but then they peter out.  Don't give up at that point, as you will also probably find some pretty powerful reasons in the later batches, and they may be the very reasons that will motivate you.  Those later reasons will probably be less directly connected to your achievement than the earlier ones, but that is ok as long as there is a link.  Keep going and find those really powerful reasons for achieving your goal.  Then you can have your daydream.

Keep repeating this process.  Add more reasons to your list.  Add pictures which illustrate the great changes in your life that will appear when you achieve your goal.  And keep dreaming.

Which goals should you use this process with?  Ideally with all your goals.  But you will find the greatest motivation will come when you use it with your long term goals, the ones that might seem impossible to your friends and family if you shared them.  Your short term and medium term goals are steps along the route to your long term goals, so motivate yourself by daydreaming about your life when you have achieved those long term goals and then remind yourself that achieving those small goals will get you closer to your dream.

You will not necessarily find you are highly motivated the first time you try this exercise.  You may have a long history of poor motivation to counter.  But try it for a few weeks and I am sure you will be astounded by the difference it makes.  When you have established it as a habit you will find it much easier to continue it, not just for the initial goals you used it for but for new goals you set yourself.  You will reach the point where the moment you set yourself a new goal you immediately feel the glow that comes with achieving it, and you will instantly be motivated to do whatever it may take to get there.

What will motivate me?

Work at this daydreaming exercise and I know that will motivate you!

Personal Development Plans

Do you have a Personal Development Plan?  If so, when did you last review it to check it properly reflects what you need now?  If not, do you really need one?

I believe everyone needs a personal development plan.  Without such a plan you are like a rudderless ship in a big ocean, simply going aimlessly wherever the tides take it which may be somewhere very different from where you would wish to be.  With such a plan you know the direction in which you intend to go, and can then measure the actions you are taking to ensure they are moving you in that direction, even if only vaguely.

Your True Self

In the front of your Personal Development Plan you should indicate what kind of person you want to be.

You should meditate deeply before you answer that question.  It may seem a simple question, but it is not.  You may think you know the answer to that question but unless you have already done a lot of work meditating to find the answer then you probably do not know it.

Many people find, when they begin a meditation of this kind, that what they really want to be is not at all what they thought at first.  Do not be alarmed if this happens to you.  It is very normal.  Our inner desires have usually been supressed for so long, and replaced by what other people want us to be, that we do not recognize them when they first emerge from the depths of our being.

Just doing this exercise is already a big jump forward.  Once you know what you want to be it is not a big step to start living your life in a way that matches this.  You will find once you do this you will be so much happier and feel so much more satisfied.  You are no longer living in conflict with your inner desires, which is what you have probably been doing up to now, as that is what most people do.

You will find you are now closer to your true self, which is where you need to be.

Goals and Ambitions

Next you should note down what you want to achieve in life, whether you are near the beginning or the end of that life.  What are your goals and ambitions?

Again, meditate on this.  As your goals and ambitions rise to the surface of your consciousness, check they are properly aligned with the person you really want to be.  If not, then they cannot be your real goals and ambitions.  Either that or you have not yet finished discovering who it is you truly want to be.

These may be very long-term goals and ambitions.  In fact, it is important to have long-term goals and ambitions, otherwise you have no way of knowing whether what you are doing is moving you in the right direction.

If you have not already done so, read the article I wrote last week on achieving goals.  You can find it immediately below this article (http://iwanttoimprovemyself.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/how-to-achieve-goals.html).

Action Plan

Now you write down the steps you should take in order to reach your goals - your Action Plan.  Sometimes this will be simple actions you take yourself.  But also there will be tools you can use.  These may include using a personal development coach, following a particular personal development programme, etc.  Where there is a cost involved, then your plan should also include your budget, and how you are going to put this money aside if you do not already have it saved up.

Be Flexible

Recognize that as you move through life things will change.  Once you start working through a Personal Development Plan this will probably happen even more dramatically.  New ideas will come to you.  Some of what you have written in your plan will probably now be irrelevant.  There will also probably be some obvious gaps which did not appear to be there when you first drew up your plan.  So be ready to reflect on that plan and change it as necessary, as it should be a constantly evolving document.

What is Affirmation?

You have probably heard the term "affirmation", but exactly what is affirmation?

Dictionary Definition

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, affirmation is a statement made emphatically or publicly.  Although the meaning of affirmation in the context of personal development is different from the dictionary definition I do find the latter helpful.  The two key words there are "emphatically" and "publicly".

The other dictionary definition of affirmation is that it is a formal statement made in a legal context in place of an oath.  This is usually allowed in a court of law where a witness has a conscientious objection to taking an oath.  In England this right was first given to Quakers in the Quakers Act 1695.  Quakers believe wholeheartedly in telling the truth at all times, and object to giving an oath in court as that would imply that the truth they told there is somehow truer than the truths they speak in every day life.  The courts recognized that Quakers did indeed speak truthfully all the time, hence the exception made for them in 1695, although now anyone who objects to giving an oath has the right to affirm embodied in the Oaths Act 1978.  I myself am a Quaker, and when I registered my overseas marriage in my embassy I gave an affirmation to the consular official rather than an oath.

We will come back to these dictionary definitions in a moment.  But first, let us look at how a personal development coach would view an affirmation.

Affirmation in a Personal Development Context

The purpose of an affirmation is to help you move towards a particular goal.  It works by sending a signal to the Universe (or God, or your subconscious, depending on your own particular beliefs) that this is what you want to achieve and then asking for help in achieving it.

You may have a goal, for example, of becoming wealthy.  One of your affirmations may then be something like this:

"I have $1 million dollars in my bank account."

See how it is constructed in the present tense, not the future tense.  This is very important.  If, for example, you say "I will have $1 million dollars in my bank account" this does not signal any urgency.  It may be you will be happy to have that much in 50 years time, when it may only be worth ten thousand dollars in today's money, or even less!  But it is also no good saying something like "I will have $1 million dollars in my bank account by next Tuesday".  Firstly that is a very big ask if you only have a thousand dollars in your account right now and no clear idea where you are going to get the remaining nine hundred and ninety nine thousand.  Secondly, believe it or not the Universe will hear "next Tuesday" and will therefore assume nothing need be done about it until then - so you will miss any opportunities that might otherwise have arisen between now and then.

Now let us go back to that dictionary definition of "public" and "emphatic".

Making your affirmation public in some way can be very helpful as long as you do it with care.  Be selective in who you define as your public audience.  You should gather around you a group of likeminded people who will support you in achieving your goals (and, of course, you must support them too).  Make your affirmations to them so they know what they are supporting.  When doing this do not be surprised if you find your family members and friends (even very close friends) are not very supportive and should not be included in your affirmation support group.  I would go as far as to say it is quite rare for family or friends to be suitable for this.

The second word is extremely important.  Emphatic.  Say it out loud in a strong, confident voice.  Believe it with all your being.

Clearing Blocks

When you try to be emphatic and believing you may find a tremor comes into your voice.  You may feel silly saying it.  If that is the case (and it often is) you will know you have some blocks you need to clear before your affirmation will really be able to work properly for you.  These blocks can be any of a number of things.  Sticking with the million dollar affirmation, one block may be that somewhere inside of you is a belief that having lots of money is evil.  Consciously you may know that it is not evil, but that does not mean you don't have that belief somewhere deep inside you.  This block may have arisen when you were a small child.  Perhaps you heard your parents arguing about money and you came to believe that money causes arguments and therefore must be a bad thing.  Try to dig into your subconscious and find out what your blocks are.  Once you have exposed them you will probably find they wither and die - they cannot survive in the light of truth which you will focus on them.

Finding and clearing blocks associated with your affirmations is not an easy task.  I have given you one technique which I hope you will find helpful, but many of these blocks are so deeply ingrained and so deeply hidden you may need more help unearthing and dealing with them.  Try using the following free tool to find what blocks may be hindering you:

http://www.mindmovies.com/abundancerating/index.php?25923&a_bid=edcc527f

When you have cleared any blocks that may be there you should find a big difference in the way you are able to use your affirmation.  You should now find you can attach some strong positive emotions to it.  If not, then perhaps you are aiming at the wrong thing and need to change your affirmation!

Affirmation Replacing Oaths

Let us look again at the second dictionary definition of affirmation.

You will recall Quakers were first allowed to affirm rather than give an oath because they tell the truth at all times.  The affirmation of a Quaker in court is accepted as a powerful statement which should not in any way contain any kind of falsehood.  This, too, links to the way you need to use your affirmations.  There should be a kind of purity in them.  You should know as you state them that this is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!  Don't worry about the fact that you don't actually have $1 million dollars in your bank account right now.  Don't imagine for one minute that there is any conflict between that material fact and the underlying truth that you DO have this money.  Know that you have it, and that the power of absolute truth is behind it.  This is the way to apply your affirmations and find that they really do work!

Finally, where can you find good, positive affirmations to help you achieve your goals?  I have an mp3 with a set of perfectly framed affirmations in a calm female voice with relaxing background sounds, which will ensure your mind is properly attuned to achieving whatever goals you have set yourself. Listen to this when you wake every morning and you will soon be well on your way to achieving all your goals!  You can obtain this mp3 here:

https://uk.fiverr.com/grahamdragon/give-you-a-tool-to-achieve-all-your-goals-faster

How to Achieve Goals

Do you want to achieve your goals?  Really?

That may sound like a silly question, but it is not so silly.  The reason many people do not achieve their goals is because they don't really want to.  Not seriously.  Not passionately.

Very often, this is because they are the right goals in the first place.  Are your goals aligned with your inner values?  If they are not you will find it very difficult to achieve them, because deep down you will not really want to achieve them.  I suggest you read my article on alignment to find out how to identify your inner values and align your goals with them.

Once you are sure you have aligned goals make sure you write them down.  Next to having the wrong goals in the first place a big reason for failing to achieve your goals is because you have not written them down.  Until you do they are more vague desires than real goals.

Check your written goals carefully.  Are they long term, medium term or short term?  You probably have a mix of all three.  In fact you SHOULD have a mix of all three.  Sort them accordingly.  For each of the long term goals make sure you have a short term and a medium term goal as well.  The long term goals can be things people around you would say are unrealistic.  In fact, they probably should be or otherwise you are not aiming high enough.  The medium term goals should be things the people around you would probably say are ambitious but not impossible.  Those in the "short term" pile should be readily achievable.

Your short term goals should be SMART.  That means they are specific, measurable, agreed, realistic (even if it will be a bit of a challenge), and timed.

• Specific means you cut out all the wooliness.  It is absolutely clear what that goal is.
• Measurable means there is an objective measure that will confirm exactly when you have reached that goal.
• Agreed means you have committed to achieving it.  A surprisingly large number of people do not do this, and those people rarely achieve their goals.  Consider it a binding contract you make with yourself.
• Realistic, well it is pretty obvious what that means.  But make sure you don't dumb it down so it is too easy to achieve.  Make sure you really have something to aim for rather than a walk in the park.
• Timed means you have a specific date by which you want to achieve this goal.

Medium term goals may also be SMART, but some of those elements may be missing.

Long term goals should not be SMART at all.  They may be completely unrealistic.  They may not be clearly defined.  I like to say something like "I achieve this or something better", as the universe may indeed have something much better in store for me.  Don't force yourself into a "contract" to achieve it, as firstly you may inwardly squirm and feel you cannot achieve it, and secondly as I have already said, the universe may have something better in store for you.

With your short and medium term goals, make sure they are leading you towards your long term goals.  Surprisingly often, people find their short term goals in particular are moving them in completely the wrong direction.  The word "alignment" is important here again.

Now that you know you have the right goals, have written them down, and have classified them you need to build that passion that will make you really want to achieve them.  Imagine what your life will be like once you have achieved a goal.  If your goal is to lose a certain amount of weight, imagine yourself in the clothes you will be able to wear.  Picture your beautiful or handsome body and the impact it will have on the people around you.  If it is to have earned a certain amount of money, imagine what difference that will make to your life, what you will be able to do with it.  Focus on the reason you want to achieve your goal and then really feel as though you have already achieved it.  Hold on to that feeling.  Doesn't it really make you feel good?

Create a vision board for your goals.  Use it like a kind of scrap book, putting in pictures and symbols of what it is you want to achieve.

Or even better, create a video with goal affirming music and pictures and written affirmations against the pictures.  This is an extremely powerful technique, far more effective than the traditional static vision board.  Sound difficult?  Well it isn't if you have the right tools to do it.  You can get a copy of those tools here:  http://www.mindmovies.com/products/order_mindmovies.php?25923

Affirm your goals at least twice a day, when you wake and before you sleep, and preferably more often than this.  Your affirmations must always be positive and always in the present tense.  Do not say "I am not ill" - say "I am healthy".  Do not say "I will have a million pounds in my bank account" - say "I have a million pounds in my bank account".

As you achieve each short term goal, refer to your medium and long term goals and replace the achieved goal with a more ambitious one that takes you in the right direction.

If you implement all the steps I have outlined here you will have a really good strategy in place to achieve all your goals!

How to Become Successful

So many of my followers approach me and ask me how to become successful.

What exactly must you do to become successful?

The very first thing to do is to recognize that you CAN and WILL become successful.  Until you do this you will find there will always be a nagging voice inside you, no matter what you are trying to achieve, saying "you won't make it!".  The voice is wrong.  You WILL make it.  But only if you completely silence that reactionary voice.

Somewhere I read that when Karl Benz was building the Benz Patent-Motorwagen a neighbour kept saying "It won't go!".  He ignored the neighbour and kept building it.  When he finished and started driving it he heard the neighbour shouting "It won't stop!".  I have no idea whether this story is true or not, but it doesn't really matter whether or not it is true.  All that matters is the great truth within it.  Karl Benz ignored that voice completely and achieved his success.  You must do likewise.

How do you ignore or even silence that voice?  By having a strong belief that you are right and that it WILL work.  Spend time building up that confidence.  Sit quietly and meditate.  Feel yourself merging with the power of the Universe, which you can imagine as a ball of light way above you.  Bring it down inside you and feel the warmth and love of it filling you.  Know that with this infinite power within you can achieve anything you desire.

This is a practice you should repeat often.  Make it a routine part of your day.  The more you practice it the easier you will find it and the more you will be able to ignore and defeat that dissenting voice, the voice that wants you to fail at everything.

You will now have removed the main obstacle to success.  The next step is to determine what it is you want to achieve.

It is important to have a very clear idea of what it is you want to achieve, and why this is important to you.

Spend some time thinking carefully about this.  Write down any ideas that come to you.  Treat this in the same way as you would a group brainstorming session - at this point write down everything, without critically rejecting it.  When you have a good list of ideas read through each and see which ones really resonate with you.  cross out all the others.  You now have a list of things you want to achieve which are close to your heart.

Against each of these ideas write down all the reasons they are important to you.  As you do this you will find some are not really goals you want to achieve, and you can delete these.  You should find you end up with a minmum of three and a maximum of six that feel right and that have a good list of reasons why they are so important.

For each of these goals sit and meditate again.  Begin your meditation by recalling a time in your past when you felt really happy and really relaxed.  Perhaps it was lying on a beach during a special vacation.  Maybe it was wandering in a meadow in cool, fresh air.  Whatever it was, bring back that image.  Place yourself there and let it stimulate all your senses.  See the beauty around you.  Hear the sounds you heard, perhaps the sound of birds.  Smell the salty air of the sea, the fresh smell of flowers around you etc.  Feel the soft, fine sand pouring through your fingers, the feel of the waving grass as you walk through it etc.  Recall your feelings at that time, a feeling of happiness, contentment, love.  When you are fully into this meditation bring in your goal.  Does it still feel right?  If not, discard that goal and replace it with the next goal on your list.  You will find one really fits and feels just right.  This is the goal you should work on next.

Now that you have the right goal, create an affirmation around it.  Follow the rules of making good affirmations.  Read this article by Natalie Ledwell to get some good ideas on the correct way to create an affirmation: http://iwanttoimprovemyself.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/5-simple-steps-for-creating-powerful.html.  Repeat this affirmation as often as you can.  The more you repeat it the faster you will achieve your goal.

Write the goal in a notebook you reserve purely for this purpose.  Include pictures of how your life will be when you have achieved it - either pictures you find in a magazine etc and cut out and stick in the notebook, or simply draw them yourself.  It doesn't matter if you are not artistic - just ensure the picture encapsulates your dream as much as possible.  Even better, create yourself a "mind movie" of the goal.  If you don't already have the software to create a Mind Movie you can get it here: http://www.mindmovies.com/mm4/changeyourlife.php?25923.

Follow the above and you WILL achieve goals fully aligned with your inner desires.  But the key to success has one more essential ingredient.  That ingredient is simply recognizing that success is not actually achieving specific goals at all.  Success is an ongoing journey, and the knowledge that you are on the right road.  You never reach the end of that road but are successful simply because you are travelling it and achieving goals along the way.

Love

Love is the most important force in the universe.  When you project love you attract whatever and whoever it is that you love.  The greater the love the stronger the attraction.

Whatever it is you want to achieve in life, therefore, it is so important to develop love.  A genuine and deep love.

"Love what?" you may ask.  A good question.  My answer is you should love everything.

Some may disagree with this statement and say you should only love the positives in life and not the negatives.  How can you love evil for example?  I don't disagree with that, but in my view the negatives do not really exist.  They are simply the absence of the positives.  Not everyone will agree with my take on this and I don't intend to push it here - so simply accept that, yes, I am saying love everything positive.

You should start by loving yourself.  This is something many people find very difficult.  The more difficult you find it, though, the more important it is to love yourself.  Lack of love for yourself results in a lack of self-esteem, a lack of belief in yourself, an inability to move forwards and achieve what you want to achieve.  It will also make it far more difficult, if not impossible, to love anyone and anything else.

Love your whole self.

Love your body, with all its imperfections.  If you see something in your body that you do not like, and if it is something you can and should change, then change it.  But if it cannot be changed then love it how it is.  A number of religious denominations refer to the body as the temple of God.  Whether you refer to "God", "the Self", "the Universe" or something similar, this is very true.  Your body is where this Spirit is living at the moment, so love it and treat it well.

Love your mind.  Don't worry if you don't have an IQ of 140 or more.  That doesn't matter.  This is your mind, unique to you, and it deserves to be loved.

Love your spirit.  That spark within you that leads you along a certain path.  A path that eventually you can see was exactly the right path for you.  Love this spirit and thank it for all it has contributed to your life.

Really get into the habit of loving yourself until it becomes a natural, seamless habit.

Extend that love to everyone around you.  Starting with your family, but extending outwards.  Everyone deserves your love, so give it to them.  Even those you may feel do NOT deserve it.  You cannot judge them.  Just love them.

You will start to see some amazing results quite quickly.  Not necessarily from everyone, but certainly from some.  People can sense when you really love them and they will begin to respond in kind.  Your love will get reflected back - sometimes from directions you least expect.  Sometimes from someone you thought was a miserable unloving person.

Go further than this.  Love the things you want to attract into your life.  Don't focus on the absence of those things, simply love them.

At this point I am going to be quite controversial.  Love money.  I can already hear the growls of those who believe it is wrong to love money.  After all, 1 Timothy 6:10 says "For the love of money is the root of all evil".  Ecclesiastes 5:10 says "If you love money and wealth you will never be satisfied with what you have".  But neither author really meant you should not love money in the way I intend.  You are simply extending a natural love and including money within it.  I am not talking about developing avarice and greed, but rather pure love.  Don't be like so many people who don't have money and then start developing a hatred of money because they do not have it.  You should love money and attract it to you, but then make sure you use it in a positive way.  Money itself is neutral, not evil.  Love it so you can use it to help others.  There is a story about Rabbi Avraham Yehoshua Heshel which I think brings a little clarity to this rather difficult subject.  This Rabbi said that he looked on money kindly before gifting it to the poor - in this way he valued the gift he was making as a way of expressing the love of God.

I hope I have opened your eyes and made you think about love differently.  Develop love and cherish it above all things.

Forgiveness

Has anyone ever said or done anything unforgiveable to you?  Something so awful you know you can never forgive them?

Probably this strikes a bell with most of my readers.  It would certainly be rare to find someone who has never been mistreated, never misunderstood, never abused in one way or another.  In some cases the abuse may have been particularly nasty.  Something you would much rather forget, but find you cannot.

Does this person deserve your forgiveness?  Probably not.  Should you forgive them?  Absolutely!

Why do I say this?  If they don't deserve your forgiveness, why should you forgive them?  Am I trying to turn you into a saint or something?

No.  I am not saying this to make you a "goody goody".  And I am certainly not suggesting you should allow anyone to take advantage of you.  So why I am saying it?

The reason is that I believe you deserve to be free.  You deserve to be happy.  You deserve to be able to do whatever you wish in life and not be weighed down carrying a load dumped on you by someone else.

If there is anyone you have not forgiven for what they have done or said to you this means you are allowing that person to control your life.  You are giving them the ultimate victory over you.  Is that what you want?  If not, you simply have to find a way to forgive them.

Some of you may now be saying "it's all very well for you to say that, but you don't know how I have suffered!  You cannot understand just how bad this was!"

I agree I cannot know what it is like to suffer in the way you may have suffered.  To use a common Christian saying, we each have our own cross to bear.  The one you are bearing may be far heavier than mine.  But even though I cannot understand just how bad it was for you, what I do understand is that you are now carrying an unnecessary burden.  Just like "Christian" in John Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress".  Christian was carrying a burden so heavy he could hardly move.  So are you if there is someone you have not forgiven.  Your happiness is marred because every so often you think of this unforgiveable thing that was done to you and it spoils what would otherwise be a lovely moment in a lovely day.  Why not simply throw that burden away?  It is not stuck to you with superglue.  You have chosen to carry it.  Now you should choose to throw it away.

There may be others who will say "but there is nobody I haven't forgiven!  Nobody has done anything particularly bad to me!"  If so, you are very fortunate!  But I would suggest there are probably some slights, some grievances, some humiliations that your conscious mind has forgotten but are still bubbling away somewhere under the surface.  You do not feel desparately unhappy, but because there are some unforgiven words and actions loitering in your unconsious mind what could be a really happy moment is, instead, just mildly pleasant.  These unforgiven things are stopping you reaching your full potential.  They are controlling you.

Would you like to free yourself of this burden?  Great!

The first thing you must do is find all the actions and words you have not yet forgiven.  Some may be easy to find.  Others will be hiding under the surface.  Sit quietly and let them come to you.

Now, for each unforgiven act or word find the person.  Picture that person in your mind.  Say to them "I forgive you".  At first you will probably feel silly. But don't worry about that.  Nobody is watching you.  Nobody is laughing at you.  This is something you are doing for yourself so you can be happier.

As you do this you will find a part of your mind will tell you that this person does not deserve your forgiveness.  You can immediately dispel that thought by saying "they may not deserve it, but I am forgiving them for me, not for them!"  This other part of your mind may say it was totally wrong of them to do this to you.  Respond by saying "I am not the one who will judge them for it, and I am not asking them or anyone else to do this again to me, I am just letting go so this act no longer controls me.  I forgive!"

If you are a Christian you should remember the phrase in the Lord's Prayer "Forgive me my wrongdoings as I forgive those who have done wrong to me"?  Whether or not you are a Christian this is a phrase I would like you to remember and use.  When you forgive others you will find that forgiveness of yourself comes quite naturally too.  But give it a helping hand anyway.  Add your own wrongdoings now.  See them clearly and then forgive yourself.  As long as you have forgiven others you should find you are now able to forgive yourself.  When you do you really should find you feel light and bouyant.  You have let go of your burden.

Try to perform this act of forgiveness every day.  I suggest you do it last thing at night before you go to sleep, as you should find your sleep will then be that much more refreshing.  Try it, let go, don't allow anyone to control you any more and see just how much difference this makes in your life!

Astrology and Horoscopes

What is astrology?  

To the majority of people it is a bit of harmless fun.  It is a daily horoscope.  A short parapgraph in the newspaper telling you what is going to happen to you today, but written in such general terms it will cover almost anything that does eventually happen.  Or a love horoscope in a magazine telling you who you should date or even marry, based on astrological signs and horoscope compatability.

These things, however, have very little to do with astrology and everything to do with pure entertainment.  If you consult and really believe in the daily horoscopes in the newspaper then you must believe that there are only 12 types of people in the world, and that all the people in each of the horoscope signs (one twelfth of the entire world population in each) will all face very similar challenges today.  Hardly likely is it?  But as there are only 12 star signs in Western Astrology that is the inevitable conculsion.

True astrology is very, very different from this.

If you are going to do it properly you must construct a proper natal chart.  In order to do this you will need to know the exact time and place of birth of your subject.  The more accurate you can be, to the minute rather than to the hour for birth time for example, and to the minute rather than to the degree for longitude for example, the more accurately you will be able to constuct the birth chart.  In most cases you will not have enough information to be this accurate.  You may not even have the exact hour.  Even if you do not have very accurate information, the chart you create will help you produce astrological advice that is far more accurate than anything you will ever have seen in a newspaper or magazine.

You will also need some basic tools - at the very least an accurate Ephemeris for the year of birth , a Table of Houses, a Gazetteer to determine the exact latitude and longitude of the birthplace (unless your subject already knows this, which is very unlikely), a table for converting Degrees and Minutes of Longitude into Longitude Equivalent in Time.  And you will need plenty of blank birth chart forms (although you can make do with blank paper once you really know what you are doing).  You can obtain a worldwide Ephemeris for all birth years from 1900 to 2000 here (or here if you wish to pay in pounds sterling)

In order to calculate the natal chart you will first specify the time of birth in Greenwich Mean Time.  From this you will determine the local sidereal time of birth.  From there you will calculate the positions of the planets and the planetary aspects (the angles between the planets) at the time of birth.

Once you have created the natal chart in this way you need to be able to interpret it.  At first you will find you need to keep referring to books in order to do this.  For as long as that is the case you will not really be an astrologer and you will not be able to predict anything very substantial or meaningful.  You will simply be learning your skills.  Eventually, though, you will find things start to stand out for you and have meaning without the need to refer elsewhere.  As that skill develops, so you will find the art of divination also begins to develop.  This is not a scientific interpretation of the chart, but a way for your inner self to find patterns that "strike a chord" for you in this particular instance.  This is true astrological divination, a skill that is completely unrelated to anything you read in the newspapers or magazines, and one which is unique to you. Another astrologer reading the same chart will arrive at a very different conclusion.  If you and the other astrologer have studied and practised long and hard, both interpretations will be meaningful, but will have different emphases.

If this brief introduction to astrology has interested you, the next step should be to obtain some good study material which will help you develop that interest.  One good astrological primer is "Llewellyn's Complete Book of Astrology".  The link for this is suitable if you wish to pay in US dollars.  If you wish to pay in UK Pounds Sterling you can find it here.

The Declaration of Independence

On 4th July 1776 the Continental Congress approved the final draft of the Declaration of Independence.

To achieve independance from Great Britain, the United States had to go through a lot of hard struggle and pain.  At times it must have seemed an impossible challenge.  But no matter how impossible it looked, they didn't give up.  They had a clear goal they were determined to reach, and reach it they did.  And the starting point was the Declaration of Independence.  Putting down on paper very clearly and precisely what it was they wanted to achieve, and particularly why they wanted to achieve it.

Putting down in writing exactly what you want to achieve and why you want to achieve it is a key step in achieving any goal.

Firstly, there is the "what".  Sometimes we think we want to achieve one thing, but when we commit pen to paper and our goal takes shape we realize that goal is something a little different from what we had imagined.  Fleshing out our goal this way is a very important step.  Otherwise we may find we are struggling to achieve something that later we decide is not so important - in which case we will probably give up the struggle.  Think very carefully about your "what".

Secondly there is the "why".  This is very important in providing the right motivation when things seem to be going wrong and the goal seems further away than we had originally imagined.  If this really is a key goal for you then I can pretty much guarantee you will face such crises.  Without strong motivation it would be so easy to give up at that point.  Read the Declaration of Independence and see just how much of it is about the "why" rather than the "what".  A lot of thought went into that "why".  Think really hard about your own "why".  Think about how much better life will be for you and your family when you have achieved your goal, and put that down on paper.

Imagine the founding fathers had decided not to bother writing the Declaration of Independence.  Without the power of that document providing inspiration and motivation, would Washington have managed to keep the militias fighting when supplies dried up and the challenge seemed impossible?  Perhaps, but it would have been a lot more difficult and perhaps he would not have succeeded.  

Make sure you have your own Declaration of Independence which shows clearly what you want to achieve and why, and you should find it much easier to achieve that goal.

With thanks to Thad Zajdowicz for the image of Thomas Jefferson signing the Declaration of Independence.

What is Divination

What is divination?

The word "divination" conjures up different images for different people.  Perhaps you imagined someone staring at the entrails of a freshly slaughtered animal (yuck!).  Or looking at the tea leaves in the bottom of their cup.  A clairvoyant staring at a crystal ball.  Looking at a set of tarot cards they have drawn.  Or even performing a magic ritual, invoking spirits from another world to help them prophesy.

Divination can, of course, be any of the above but it is certainly not limited to those images or to anything like them.

We each have a precognitive ability.  We can each be a fortune teller in our own right if we set about it in the right way.

Each of the above techniques can be a valid means of focusing precognition, although personally I would hope messy entrails will not feature in anything you may try!

We all live in three worlds - past, present and future.  It is obvious to most of us that we live in the present, but how about the past and the future?  Do you ever reflect on memories of the past?  If so, while you are doing so you are living in the past.  You also plan for the future in many different ways, and while you are doing that planning to a degree you are living in the future.  Many of the things we do involve a prediction of the future.  For example, if you make yourself fresh and sweet and head out to the cinema, maybe you are predicting that you will meet your boyfriend or girlfriend there - based on the very logical reason that you have already arranged this meeting with them.  Yes, it has been prearranged, but that does not mean it is not still a prediction - nor that the prediction may prove not to materialize (for example, they may change their mind at the last minute).

This last example illustrates a very important fact you must always be aware of when practising divination - there is no absolute certainty about the future.  There are varying degrees of certainty, and your divination will touch on the more likely eventualities, but there is never an absolute certainty.  Apart from anything else, the free will of many individuals will impact on the final result, and the further in the future this may be the more this may cause a change in the result you have forseen.

Far too many people think there is something mystical about divination and prophecy, and that it is something only available to a practising clairvoyant (or, if they are sceptical, not available to anyone at all!).  There are certainly mystical techniques that can be used to focus your power of divination, but the divination itself is not at all mystical - precognition is a capacity we all have in varying degrees.

All future predictions are based on sensing the causes that lead to the event.  Some of these are very mundane and not at all surprising.  We look outside, see large black clouds, and predict there is a strong likelihood it will rain.  We are on our way to work, see a big traffic jam ahead, and predict we will probably arrive late.  These are both still predictions, and cannot be stated with absolute certainty (for example, the traffic may suddenly clear and we may find the rest of the journey is so smooth we arrive early!).  But there are other, much more subtle causes, which we can sense if we clear our mind and spirit to do so, and of which others around us are completely unaware.  It is the latter which are more recognized as the source of divination and prophecy, although the reality is all such causes are simply somewhere on a scale between obvious physical causes and completely hidden, occult causes.

In order to become aware of the myriad of causes of future events we must still our mind and spirit and allow it to become sensitive to them.  Some people find they can easily and naturally do this.  Others need props of various kinds - for example a crystal ball or a bowl of water, in which they begin to see images as they clear their mind and spirit.

Over the next few months I will write about different forms of divination, some of which you may not have realized were divination techniques at all.  For example, in a couple of weeks time you will read an article by me on astrology.  Whenever you study a new divination technique like this, always bear in mind the true basis, the sensitivity of your mind and spirit to the unseen influences that are all around us all the time.  View it in that way and you are much more likely to develop the ability naturally and fully.

What is the Law of Attraction?

If you have spent any time at all in the personal development arena you must have come across the term "Law of Attraction".

This law was made popular in "The Secret" movie (based on "The Secret" book by Rhonda Byrne).  But it is not a modern idea at all.  Many of the basic concepts of the law were outlined in the early 20th century by both Wallace Wattles, in "The Science of Getting Rich", and Napoleon Hill, in "Think and Grow Rich" and other books.

It goes back a lot further than this, though, as "The Secret" makes abundantly clear.  In Matthew 7:7 Jesus says "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for", and in Matthew 21:22 "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for."

These two quotes go to the very root of the Law of Attraction.  Notice the two qualifications Jesus added - "keep on", and "believe".  Both are vital qualifications, especially the latter.  Without true belief you are not truly asking, and therefore it will simply not happen.  Persistence is also important.  Just asking the once and then forgetting all about it is not likely to achieve anything at all.

Much has been written on the subject of the Law of Attraction.  You will find references to it throughout my blog.  You will also come across many books and courses that are based almost entirely on this law, some of which I have tested and found to be excellent material and have therefore recommended to my subscribers from time to time.  But if you break down what all the gurus say, you will find much of it is focussed on ensuring you believe 100% and that you continue to persist in making your requests.

In order to concentrate that belief, and make it really powerful, you must invest it with real emotion.   Otherwise it will not be recognised as a true request and will just be ignored.  There are many different techniques you can use to create the right powerful emotions.  The starting point, though, is finding out what it is you truly want.  This might sound obvious, but for many people it is not.  They go through life never really knowing what they want and never having a real passion for anything at all.  Many others think they know what they want but identify the wrong things.  For example, they may think what they want is lots of money.  But do they really?  Or do they want some of the things that money can buy?  It is far better to identify in your mind what it is you really want, as you are much more likely to be passionate about those things than you are about money!

They may not be physical things of course.  You may want the freedom to do what you want when you want, rather than having to slave at a job you don't enjoy every day.  That is something that money could buy for you, but that is not the only way to get it - maybe a career change will bring you what you really want.  So in that case, focus your desire on that freedom - and at the same time, be more specific about what it is you want when you say "freedom to do what I want".  You may well be surprised at how quickly the Law of Attraction works for you once you phrase your request more carefully.  You begin by focusing on the kind of work you really want to do, and within days you see opportunities to do that work and take up those opportunities.  This is a great example of the way the Law of Attraction can work.  Not by magically making those things you said you wanted appear as if the Law were a genie, but simply by making you more aware of the opportunities that have been there waiting for you all the time.

In a short blog article I cannot teach you everything you need to know about the Law of Attraction.  There are some great courses out there which you should use to develop this much further.  Keep your eye on your inbox for recommendations from me about these (and if you are not yet getting e-mails from me about them, go to www.beallican.com where you can download 4 great personal development e-books and at the same time register for me to keep you informed).  But hopefully this has given you a taster and will encourage you to explore the Law of Attraction further.

Generosity

How generous are you?

When I ask that question, what thoughts pop into your mind?  It is important for you to analyze this, as for many people the question exposes the main reason their attempts at using the Law of Attraction fail.

Typically, I find this question generates a negative feeling.  Even an annoyance that the question was asked.  If that is you, then dig deep and find out why you reacted that way.  Usually it is a sign that deep down you don't believe the universe is able to provide you with what you need.  You believe there is a limited supply of money or time and that therefore you cannot afford to give it away to anyone.  You have to hold tightly onto it to stop it flying away.  Such beliefs form an impenetrable barrier to the proper use of the Law of Attraction.  You are focussed on the fact that the universe cannot supply you with what you need, so guess what?  The universe won't supply it.  This is not a failure of the Law of Attraction but rather an example of the Law operating exactly in the way it should.  But it is certainly not the proper use of the Law of Attraction.  As for holding it tightly to stop it flying away, well that means you are focussed on it flying away.  Which it will.  At your command!

Or you may simply have answered the question by saying "no!" and then justifying the answer to yourself.  No annoyance at the question, but the same end result.  Exactly the same!

If this sounds like you, clearly you have some work to do so that you can use the Law of Attraction properly.  Recognizing the problem is the first step, and it is a big step.  Next you have to change your attitude, your thought processes.

My suggestion is that you begin simply by becoming more generous.  Even if you still feel some of the negative feelings when you try to be generous.  Recognize they are there, and analyze them later - bringing them out into the light can often destroy them as they are creatures of darkness.  But at the time, just continue offering that generosity regardless of the effect it has on you.  Over a period of time you will find the combination of acting generously and exposing unworthy thoughts and emotions to the light will change you for the good.

Once you acquire the habit of being generous you will find generosity being returned to you at least tenfold!  Not immediately, and probably not from the people to whom you have been generous.  But without a doubt you will find this happens.  Successful practitioners give generously with joy, knowing that not only are they helping the person receiving their generosity but also that they are banking a considerable investment in the universe which will be returned to them with a very high interest!

For those of my readers who are Christian or Jewish, there are several Old Testament verses that illustrate the point I am making.  To me, one of the most powerful is Proverbs 19:17 (which I have to admit I had forgotten before I wrote this article) :

"Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward them for what they have done."

There is also the well-known quote from Ecclesiastes 11:1:

"Cast thy bread upon the waters, for you shall find it after many days."

In other words, be generous and kind to others, and at some point in the future you will find someone does the same to you.  Again, notice it is unlikely to be the same person.  Most Bible commentators interpret this verse as meaning you must do good without expecting any reward.  This is true, when you look at it in the narrow context of the relationship between you and the person you are helping, or in a limited time span between your good action and the reward you will receive.  But have no doubt - in the long term the universe will most certainly reward you.

I have quoted the Bible here, which will only have meaning for my Christian and Jewish readers, and I recognize many of my readers are neither Christian nor Jewish.  But I believe it would be difficult to find a religion that does not give the same message one way or another.  My Muslim readers will agree that generosity is so important in their religion that "Zakaat", or obligatory charity, is one of the five pillars of Islam.  There are countless quotes I could give, but here I give just one from the Quran (2:272):

"And whatever you spend of good - it will be repaid to you, and you will not be wronged"

Hindus and Buddhists believe in Karma, which is the same concept.  Sikhs do not believe in Karma as such, but the operation of Hukam.  The end result, though, is the same, and the Sri Guru Granth Sahib says:

"Whatever you plant you shall harvest."

Note well that generosity is not limited to giving money.  I have already mentioned generosity of time.  Generosity of spirit will encompass money, time, good deeds.  It is extending to others what we would want for ourselves.  The golden rule personified.  It is incumbent on us all to develop a generosity of spirit that will encompass far more than simply gifts of money.

Finally, let me ask the question again, but with one addition:

How generous are you to yourself?

Do not be stingy with yourself, as if you are this will then spread to the way you behave towards others.  Spend time on yourself - what we often call "me" time.  Reward yourself with treats.  Be generous with yourself.  The more you do this the easier you will find it is to be generous to others.

Generosity to both yourself and others shows your rejection of the concept that money, time, good deeds etc are limited.  They are limitless, and the sooner you recognize this through developing a natural generosity, the sooner you will find the Law of Attraction is freed to bring you what you really desire.

The Science of Dreams

Photo by Marcin Mycielski

If you have come here for a course in dream interpretation you will be disappointed.  I do believe dream interpretation is a valid and useful discipline, and I am sure I will write a blog on this some time, but that is not the purpose of this blog article.

I want to focus on the purpose of dreams.  Why do we have them?  What purpose do they serve?

Science now knows that dreams fulfil a very important purpose.  They are a way for your mind to experiment with many different scenarios in a no risk environment.  This goes right back to our primitive ancestry when we needed to find better ways to hunt for our food and at the same time to avoid becoming the food of our predators.  In a dream we could try out different techniques and see the likely effect of those techniques.  Our dream mechanism is very good at mimicking the environment we are testing and responding in ways that environment might respond in a real situation.  Our ancestors would test one set of techniques, recognize the weaknesses, and modify them to make them more effective and less risky.  All in the security of a dream world rather than the real world.

If you have a cat or dog you have probably noticed your pet dreaming.  Probably your cat is dreaming of chasing a bird or mouse, and your dog is dreaming of chasing a cat.  This is not simply play, or a memory of some "real" life experience, but your pet is testing different ways to chase its prey and seeing which ones are more effective.  This use of dreams as a kind of sandbox (to use a computer programming example) is not exclusively human but is common throughout the animal kingdom.

This continues to be the role of our dreams even today.  We face very different challenges from our ancestors, but can still use the same "sandbox" to test different responses to those challenges.  When we find what appears to be the best response, our subconscious notes this and then prompts us to use it in "real" life.  The challenges may, for example, be the best way to conduct a sales negotiation, or how best to convince our children to behave properly.  They may be how best to start that new business we have been considering starting over the past few months, how to convince that young lady or young man we fancy that they should go on a date with us, or how to achieve some other goal for which we have a burning desire.

Some notable scientific discoveries have arisen from this dream testing technique.  For example, the German organic chemist August Kekulé discovered the structure of benzene in a dream.  In that dream he saw a snake chasing its tail and suddenly realized the benzene molecule was ring shaped.  This might not seem an example of testing different structures in a dream, but I am quite sure that is what was actually happening below the surface.  All Kekulé remembered was the final answer, hidden within powerful imagery (which is often the way dreams give us the final answer to whatever we have been testing in them).  But there would have been plenty of other structures which he had tested in his dreams and which turned out not to be the correct answer.  As is very often the case with this very efficient system, the only dream he remembered was the one that gave him the right answer.

Is there any way we can use this knowledge of how dreams work in order to improve the system?  I believe there is.  Firstly, simply by being aware of it then it is more likely we will unconsciously send instructions into the dream world to test for what we really want to know or do.  Secondly, we can try to experience lucid dreaming, or being aware that we are dreaming, and then actively test out our concerns.

Linked very closely to the idea of lucid dreaming is the skill of astral travelling - experiencing something beyond the physical realm through out of body experiences.

The eminent American psychologist Dr Steve G Jones, who has extensively practised astral travel, has produced a fascinating 6 part free course on astral travel.  You can access it here:

Astral Projection