Ask and you will receive

You get what you ask for.  How true is this?

If you ask most people around you whether this is true or not, most will say no.  They will recount many tales of asking for something they wanted and being refused.

It is true that most, if not all, of us have asked for something and not received what we thought we should.  But I still maintain you DO get what you ask for, even though there is often a delay, and even though when it arrives we may not recognize it really IS what we asked for.

First let's consider the delay.

Most of us live in a society of instant gratification.  When we want something we believe it is our right to get it right away.  Our grandparents, and even probably our parents, lived in a society where if you wanted something you worked out how to get it, and then put a plan in place.  That plan may have lasted several years.  If it was something material they would put aside what they could afford out of their wages and gradually save up until they had enough money to go out and buy it.  Many, and perhaps even most, of our generation have a very different experience.  We are encouraged to go out and get whatever it is we want right now and then worry about paying for it later.  And probably my choice of the word "worry" is a good one in these circumstances!

But when you decide you want something, and you ask for it, you should not expect instant gratification and then complain when you don't get it.  The reality is that most things you ask for in life will take time to arrive.  If you then get disappointed or even angry because they don't arrive right away you will effectively be "cancelling your order".  So don't be surprised if then whatever it is you wanted never materializes.  Don't allow the "buy now, pay later" culture to deceive you into thinking you have a right to instant gratification.

Have you heard about the "Marshmallow Test"?  This was an experiment conducted in 1960 at Stanford University.  Children were led into a room where there was a treat on the table.  Something they had indicated to the experimenter that they wanted - e.g. a marshmallow.  They were then told that they could eat the treat now, but if they waited 15 minutes without eating it they would get two instead of one.  Do you know how many children were able to wait just 15 minutes?  Only a third!  They all knew they would get double the pleasure if they waited, but two thirds simply couldn't wait and ate that one marshmallow rather than waiting a short time and getting two.  The younger the child the less likely he or she was likely to wait.  In 1960 we were not really in the "buy now, pay later" culture, so I imagine if this experiment were conducted today, even adults would be guilty of taking instant pleasure rather than delaying and increasing their pleasure.

Learn to wait silently, knowing the Universe really wants to give you what it is you really want but that it probably won't give it to you right away.  Be patient.

Now consider the nature of what you receive.  Is it exactly what you asked for?

Often it is not.  Quite often it seems to be so different that we don't even appreciate that we really have received what we asked for.  You may be familiar with this hymn by William Cowper.  Read it carefully and take note.  If you believe in God, whether as a Christian, Jew, Muslim, Sikh, Hindu, or with any other religious belief, then read it exactly as written.  Or substitute the word "Universe" for "God".  But take in the meaning and reflect on it deeply:

"God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform; He plants His footsteps in the sea and rides upon the storm. 

Deep in unfathomable mines of never-failing skill; He treasures up his bright designs, and works His sov'reign will. 

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take; the clouds you so much dread are big with mercy and shall breakin blessings on your head. 

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, but trust Him for His grace; behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast, unfolding ev'ry hour; the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flow'r.

Blind unbelief is sure to err, and scan His work in vain; God is His own interpreter, and He will make it plain."

A very powerful message!  God, or the Universe, DOES give us the good things we ask for, but perhaps not in the way we expected and perhaps not in the form we originally imagined.  Trust this concept, as it is absolutely true.

From now on, live your life knowing that you WILL receive good things and that it IS very worthwhile asking for them.  Be open minded.  Know that the Universe does not act like an errant credit card, allowing and even encouraging you to build up a big debt to get NOW whatever it is you may want.  Nor does it always deliver what it was you THOUGHT you were asking for.  But it WILL deliver good things to you if you just ask and wait patiently.

At the risk of offending those who don't like religion, let me close with this quote from Matthew chapter 7.  Whether or not you are religious and whether or not that religion is Christian, reflect on the meaning of this passage:

 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

You will never reach your goal

Have you ever almost reached your goal, only to have the rug pulled out from underneath your feet just when that goal was in sight?

Have you ever actually reached your goal, but before you can start to enjoy it you find something has happened to make you walk away from it?

Be honest here.  These are two very common problems faced by most people.  If this has never happened to you then all I can say is that you are very lucky and are in a very small minority.  And just because it has not happened yet, this doesn't mean it will never happen to you in the future!

As this is such a common problem I feel it is very important to address it again, even though I have referred to it in a number of different blog articles.  What can you do to stop this happening, or at least to minimize the chance of it happening?  The first step is to recognize the problem.  If you understand the causes you have a much better chance of moving in a different direction and stopping the "self sabotage" from happening in the first place.

There are three distinct reasons here, any one of which can result in the prize of your achievement being snatched away, and all of which can work together to make it virtually impossible for you to realize your dreams.  If you do not address them I would go as far as to say you will never achieve your goals.

The first I will call "Fear of Failure".  The second is "Fear of Success".  The third is "Incorrect Goal Identification".

Fear of Failure

Fear of Failure is very common.  I would go as far as to say virtually everyone suffers from Fear of Failure.

Recently I read a novel by Celeste Ng called "Little Fires Everywhere".  This is a well written novel with quite a complex plot line.  But to me the strongest element was the self-destructive instincts of a mother who was afraid her youngest daughter would not develop in the way she hoped.  You could almost say she loved her daughter too much, although I personally don't believe in the concept of "loving too much", but only of allowing that deep love to express itself in inappropriate and destructive ways.  Because she was so afraid that certain things would happen, the mother unintentionally caused those very things to happen.  If she had simply expressed her love for her youngest in the same way as she did for her other children, my reading of the novel is that her youngest daughter would have grown up as "completely normal" rather than the maladjusted child she became.

This is very typical of all of us.  We are afraid that we won't achieve what we want to achieve.  This causes us to focus on all the things that could go wrong rather than on all the things that we could do to ensure we are successful.  Often we get very close to success despite all that wrong focus.  But eventually the wrong focus comes home to roost.

We often see this in the way a lot of relationships go wrong.  One party fears the other might stop loving them and find someone else.  They have no logical reason for this fear, but gradually it grows and takes over their life.  Instead of being the beautiful positive thing it should be, the relationship becomes toxic.  The party who feels this way begins to read the wrong signs into everything.  If their other half smiles at someone they believe this means they are transferring their affections to that other person.  Every innocent action is given a completely different reason, building a picture of betrayal - a betrayal that simply doesn't exist, yet!  The more this goes on, the more toxic the relationship becomes.  The other party is almost forced into a position where they stop loving the other, or at least find that love considerably diluted.  They cannot understand what has happened, but simply know that the relationship is not working.  And so they start looking for a better relationship elsewhere - the very thing that the person responsible for this change feared would happen.

The same thing can, and often does, happen with other life goals, not simply relationships.

You want to become wealthier.  At first you are excited by this goal, imagining you now have all the things you could have if you WERE wealthier.  Having imagined having them, you then imagine them being taken away or never having managed to get them in the first place.  This makes you feel rotten.  But you now believe this is the most likely outcome.  You think of all the things that can go wrong and stop you achieving your wealth goal.  Your focus changes from what you can do to get wealthier, to what can stop you getting wealthier.  All the negatives seem to add up to something much more powerful than the positives.  Eventually, the Universe gets the message - you are focussed on not getting wealthy, so that is what it is going to ensure happens to you.

Be aware that this not only CAN happen, but very often does.  Defeat it by focussing again on the goal and the pleasure it will bring, and don't allow all those negative voices to take your power away from you.

Fear of Success

Fear of Success is really a kind of evolved Fear of Failure.  You recognize that when you achieve what you want to achieve you can easily lose it.  So you then focus on how that would make you feel.  Your impression is that if you achieve it and then lose it you will be a lot unhappier than if you never achieved it in the first place.  I think you can immediately see where this is leading.  The closer you get to success, the stronger you feel this worry about how achieving and then losing is worse than not achieving at all.  So your subconscious decides the best thing is to ensure you never achieve success in the first place.  Once your subconscious makes this decision you may as well give up trying.  You cannot defeat your subconscious - it is far more powerful than your conscious mind.

The answer, of course is to ensure you do not send this kind of message to your subconscious in the first place.

The reality is that we win and lose things all the time in the game of life.  Take pleasure from your wins, and don't focus on the losses.  Don't allow the very real fear that something in the future will change and take away what you have initially achieved, to stop you from achieving in the first place.

Incorrect Goal Identification

Again this is something I have covered many times in different blog articles.  But it is extremely important.  If you don't give a great deal of thought to the goals you are working towards I can almost guarantee they will be the wrong goals.  The desire for success comes from deep within.  As it rises to the surface it becomes modified.  And when it reaches your conscious mind it is usually something completely different from the original intended goal.  

When you then start going after what you think is your goal, your subconscious sees it is not the original goal.  So it doesn't try to help you achieve it.  Even worse, in many cases the modified goal will be counter-productive and will move you away from what the true goal should have been.  If so, not only will your subconscious not help you achieve it, but it will actively work to stop you achieving it.  In the unlikely event that you achieve the goal, you will never be really happy with it, as it is not the goal you really wanted to achieve even though you never knew this.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to dive deep within yourself and find out what that original true goal is.  You do this by noting down what you think are your goals and then sit still and meditate on it.  As you do so you will be going deep within yourself where you are more likely to find the true goal itself.  When you come out of that meditation, note down your feelings and thoughts arising from the meditation.  You will probably need to do this many times before you truly identify your real goals, but every hour you spend doing this is an hour very well spent.  Identify your true goals and you will be setting yourself up for really achieving them.

Limiting Beliefs

Are there any limits on what you can achieve in this life?

The scientists among you will probably answer this with a resounding "Yes!".  Of course there are limits!  There are the laws of physics for starters!  If you are going to deny the laws of physics, then you clearly don't know what you are talking about!

The practitioners of the Law of Attraction will probably answer this with a resounding "No!".  There ARE no limits to what you can achieve!  Know that you can achieve it, know why you want to achieve it, and know that because of this the Universe has already achieved it for you!

Both are right, but also both are wrong.

I would remind the scientists that even the laws of physics themselves are a changing feast.  Nothing in this universe is immutable; everything, including even the basic scientific laws we have believed in for centuries, has the seeds of change within it.  Laws help us interpret what is happening around us.  They even help us predict what is likely to happen next.  But they are not cast in concrete, even though some charlatans who claim to be scientists may tell us they are.

I would remind the practitioners of the Law of Attraction that there ARE limits - the limits we ourselves create, our limiting beliefs.  If you believe you cannot achieve something you are absolutely correct in your belief!  And it is that belief which will ultimately prevent you from achieving it.

Limiting beliefs arise in many different ways and from many different sources.  But often they are linked to that first objection - the belief that the laws of the universe will prevent us from achieving what we want to achieve.

There is, actually, a very good evolutionary reason for this source of limiting beliefs.  There are, of course, actions you can take which place you in danger.  If you are tempted to take such actions you will find strong objections rising from within that prevent you following through.  If this did not happen you would be much more likely to die, perhaps before you had contributed to the gene pool.  By definition, those who lack this protective mechanism are therefore much less likely to have children, and whatever gene "malfunction" stripped away the protection is unlikely to be passed on to the next generation.  If you look up "Darwin Awards" online you will see many such examples.

If you are tempted to step off a skyscraper just to see whether you have developed the ability to fly, but find an inner fear of the likely consequences prevents you, this inherent limiting belief is certainly performing an essential function.  But if you are a well trained acrobat you will need to conquer that same fear.  The fear that stops someone else doing something stupid can not only limit you from achieving what you need to achieve, but can also appear at just the wrong moment and cause the very harm it is supposed to limit.

The trouble is, this underlying evolutionary protective mechanism has no way of knowing when it should and when it should not act.  If it senses a set of pre-defined circumstances it will swing into action and prevent you achieving what you are trying to achieve.  Unless you know how and when to switch it off.

I have focussed here on physical danger, as that is the most obvious example, and one everyone can follow.  But our inherent evolutionary limiting beliefs are by no means confined to physical danger.  In fact, they tend to try to prevent any change at all.  If you are alive and healthy, then (this internal security guard argues) whatever you have been doing up to now clearly works in your favour.  By extension, anything you may wish to do which could change the status quo could bring danger.  To be on the safe side your internal security guard will try to lock you into the status quo and block out anything that could change it.

This resistance to change is present within all of us.  It is not the only limiting belief by any means.  We have all collected hundreds or even thousands of limiting beliefs.  But an inherent resistance to change is probably the biggest limiting belief of all.

Being aware you have a limiting belief is always the first required step to remove it.  Be aware that you have a natural, innate resistance to change.  Don't try to remove the fear of stepping off a skyscraper (unless, of course, you are an acrobat and that is part of your act).  You will probably not be successful if you do try, and if you ARE successful it may well be your last success in life!  But do look carefully at whatever within you is resisting change, as you need to accept and even demand change if you want to achieve anything at all.

Follow Your Dream

What is your dream?  What do you really want to happen, in your life, in the lives of those around you, and in the world in general?

Think about your answer to this very carefully.  This is probably one of the most important questions you have ever asked yourself, or ever will.

Set no limits here.  I haven't asked you "what difference can you make", even though that is a very important question too.  It is important to focus on making a difference, but when phrased that way it automatically assumes limits.  It invites you to exclude anything that you think is too difficult to achieve or that is simply not something "little old you" can achieve in this world.  So by all means dream of making a difference, but don't include the word "can" which also implies a whole area of "cannot".

There are so many ways to tackle the question "what is my dream?".  Try them out for size.  Explore them.  Apply them.

Many people answer the question confusing the "means" with the "end".  They may say their dream is to have a million dollars in the bank.  I am not criticizing this as a desire.  Despite what many may tell you there is nothing wrong with wanting a lot of money.  But think about WHY you want all that money.  Knowing the reason you WANT a lot of money will make it much more likely you will get it.  Money of itself is nothing.  It is what having it allows you to achieve that has real meaining.  And although I again say there is nothing wrong with money, sometimes when you focus on exactly what it is you want to achieve when you have the money you may find ways of achieving it without needing a million in your bank account!

Some people find their answer to this question by imagining they have been given a limited time to live and then focus on what is really important to them, what they want to do in that limited remaining time.  This is a good exercise.  Especially because actually it is very true.  You DO have a limited time to live!  There are not many guarantees in this life, but that is one thing I can absolutely guarantee!  You probably don't know when you are going to die, in fact I hope you don't.  But you do know that one day you ARE going to die.  So in the meantime, why live your life like a zombie, just doing the things you always do because you always do them?  Instead, live your life to fulfil your dreams!  Make a difference!

So, ask yourself that question.  What is my dream?  Or rather, what are my dreams?  Don't limit yourself to just one dream, unless you find it is so powerful and all-consuming that there is no room for anything else, and that by committing yourself to that dream you will become the happiest and, even more important, most fulfilled person you could ever be.

Ask the question, and then take steps to change your life so you are moving in the direction of that dream or those dreams.  Every step you take in that direction is a powerful, positive step.  One which should make you happier.  One which should make you more fulfilled.  Perhaps not the happiest person in the world, yet.  Maybe not the most fulfilled.  But happier, and more fulfilled, and that is the key thing.

And don't fall into the trap of confusing the means with the end.  Yes, some of what we do to fulfill our dreams will not create immediate results.  In fact, that applies to a lot of what we do.  But there will always be some steps you can take which WILL make a difference, even though it may be a small difference.  It is important to take those steps, as none of us knows when we are going to breathe our last breath, so make every day, every hour count.

Once you realize just how much of a difference moving towards your dream can make to you, to those around you, and to the world itself you will never want to stop that journey!  So get on board right now!  Your dream is beckoning to you!  Don't ignore it - follow it!

Why Worry?

Do you ever worry?  If so, why?  And should you?  If not, how can you stop worrying?

If I am asked the question "do you ever worry?" I always answer "no".  I will explain in a moment why I can say that and how you can too, but strictly speaking it is not 100% accurate.  I do worry - for a few seconds while the worry works its true purpose.  And what is that purpose?  Worry has the same purpose as pain - to make me aware that there is a problem and that I should try to do something about it.

Just like pain, when you are aware there is a problem and have done whatever you can to deal with it, the worry has served its purpose.  But also just like pain, the worry normally lasts until the problem has completely gone away - and sometimes even beyond this.  It makes no difference that you have responded to your body's signal and that continuation of the pain or the worry is no longer required.  Unless you have learned techniques to stop it, the pain or worry just goes on and on.

In the case of pain there are mental techniques you can use to reduce or even eliminate it, or rather to reduce or eliminate the unpleasant effects.  Most of us either don't know those techniques or find them too difficult to use when we are distracted by severe pain.  But there is medication we can use which can be very effective in numbing the pain.  Likewise for worry.

One problem with medication is that if you use it too much you become dependent on it, and at the same time it can become less and less effective.  It is much better if you can deal with the root of the problem, in this case the worry, rather than taking drugs to dull your reaction to it.

Once the worry has done its job of making you aware that "Houston, we have a problem!" the first thing you must do is address that problem.  It would have been very foolish of Jack Swigert, the Apollo 13 astronaut, simply to have ignored the problem, pretended it didn't exist, and hope it would go away.  He did the right thing and took action.  It would be very foolish of you, too, to ignore the problem when a worry arises.  You must focus on what the worry is warning you about.  Identify the problem, look at what action or actions you can take to address the problem, decide on the most appropriate actions, and take them.  This should always be the first step.

Having taken the appropriate actions you no longer need the worry.  But unless you do something about it that worry will remain.  At this point it is not only unnecessary but also usually counter-productive.  It can leave you like a rabbit caught in the headlights and stop you taking the necessary actions.  And remember what usually happens to that rabbit if it doesn't take immediate action!

The way I always deal with "post action" worry is a technique I have used since childhood, and I can guarantee it has always worked for me.

The technique, in a nutshell, is very simple.

First list the possible end results of whatever it is that is worrying you.  What are the most devastating possible results?  How likely are they?  Cross out any that are very unlikely.  Then focus on the most devastating of those that remain.

At this point you are now going to do something counter-intuitive, especially if, like me, you believe in and practise the Law of Attraction.  You are going to imagine that this has already happened.  What changes will that mean in your life?  Is there anything you can and should do to react to those changes and make your life a little better?  Don't skip past this step, worrying (see that word again?) that you will invoke the Law of Attraction and create the very problem you want to avoid.  Yes, if you stop there, like that rabbit, then you WILL invoke the Law of Attraction.  You are NOT going to stop there, but you do first have to experience this situation in your mind.

Now answer this question.  Just how bad is life for you now this bad thing has happened?  How does this compare with other bad experiences you have had previously?  How does it compare with the bad things you have seen around you or on the news that have happened to others less fortunate than you?  Once you have taken the actions you have thought about to limit the damage, then how bad is it?

Perhaps I have been fortunate, but in the 50 years I have been doing this I have never yet come across a problem that still seemed completely overpowering once I have analysed it in this way.  Not even when I was diagnosed with cancer.

Once you have accepted the possible consequences of whatever has been worrying you, go back to the action you have taken or have resolved to take which will probably make the problem go away anyway.  Recognize that because you have done this, the bad experience you have just analyzed will probably not happen anyway.  Focus on that action.  Make sure you do everything possible to help it counter the identified problem. 

Or if there is no action you can and should take, then focus anyway on the possible positive outcomes.  In my experience, most of the things we worry about never actually happen, or if they do they cause much less damage than we expect.  So focus on this.  Now you ARE using the Law of Attraction, so don't skip this step either, as it is making it far less likely that your life will be affected badly by the problem.

Once you have taken all these steps, you have done all you can.  The worry has done its job.  Thank it for making you aware of the problem, and then simply allow it to slip away.  Believe me, if you follow these step properly then slip away it will.

And that is it!  This is a complete strategy for dealing with worry.  Not something I just read about and thought it sounded like a nice idea, but a strategy I have used successfully for the past 50 years.  Use it properly, and watch your worries melt away!

Like a Little Child

Are you like a little child?

My Christian friends will be very familiar with this verse from Matthew 18:2-3:

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them.  And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

But I believe this is not simply a religious verse, and certainly not one that is only for Christians.  All of us who are trying to improve ourselves and the circumstances in which we live should take note.

As we go through life we acquire more and more rules that constrain us.  Those "rules" limit our freedom to be what we are truly capable of being.  They stop us from developing our full potential.

One big difference between an adult and a little child is that the child has very few internalized rules.  A child knows there are certain rules that must be followed, but those are mostly common sense rules and ethically sound rules, not the massive rule book that most of us carry around without even realizing it.  Also, in a lot of cases those rules are not yet internalized.  The child knows that if he or she does not follow the rule, and that this is noticed by an adult, something bad might happen.  But if an opportunity to break the rule arises, that opportunity may well be taken.

I am not, of course, suggesting that we throw our rule books completely out the window, living our lives selfishly and without being concerned at all about the consequences of our actions.  Certainly not deciding that we will only follow a moral code when we are being watched but break every rule in that moral code when nobody will see.  So what, exactly, am I suggesting?

The first step I am suggesting is to recognize the burden you are carrying.  The burden of a "book of law" you are carrying and trying to follow, most of which is simply not appropriate.

Your "book of law" is what is stopping you from growing and bearing fruit in the way you could and should do.  It is stopping you following those dreams and ambitions you had as a little child.  It is stopping you becoming a much happier, much more fulfilled person.  Most of what is in that rule book is simply not appropriate.  In the main it does not consist of rules you have consciously studied and decided are right for you.  It mainly consists of rules that you have "acquired" through your life and which were thrown at you by others.  Many of those rules are hidden deep within your subconscious mind.  Not only were they created for you by someone else, or by the experiences through which you have lived, but you never actually consciously examined them and agreed they were the right rules to follow.  So begin by deciding you will throw away this inappropriate rule book.  Make a decision now that you will not allow it to control you any longer.

Having decided you will throw away the rule book, make sure you replace it with a set of rules that you DO wish to follow.  Spend some time thinking about those rules.  The time you spend doing this is very important, as it will determine the direction your life will now take.  Choose wisely and your life in the future will be very different.

Each of us must make our own decision here.  It is not for me, nor for anyone else, to tell you what should be in your rule book.  For those who are religious it may be whatever is your holy book.  The Bible, the Qu'ran, the Tanakh, Guru Granth Sahib, the Vedas, the Tripitaka or some other holy canon.  For those who are not religious it may be a set of ethical principles you truly believe are important to follow.

I have said I will not impose my own rule book on you, and I will not.  But I will tell you what I have decided should be in mine, and it is then up to you if you find this fits comfortably into your own situation.

My number one rule is the Golden Rule.  "Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law".  Another quote from the book of Matthew in the Christian Bible.  That is my absolute, unbreakable rule.  Any other rules I decide to follow always have to fit comfortably with the Golden Rule.

My number two rule may surprise and disturb some of my readers, but hear me out before you reject it.  This rule is one introduced in the early 1900s by the magician Aleister Crowley and is the basis of his Thelema philosophy.  It begins as follows:  "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law."  Many people completely misunderstand this rule and think it means there is no rule at all and that we should all do exactly what we like, no matter what the consequences for those around us.  But this is not the case.  Read the second half of this rule: "Love is the law, love under will."  This fits nicely with the Golden Rule.  If we truly make love the centre of our rule book we cannot go far wrong.  The real meaning of "Do what thou wilt" is that you should find your own true path in life.  You should discover your true "will" that is hidden deep within you.  Find what it is you really want to achieve in life and go for it!

So, become like a little child.  Remove the fetters that are preventing you becoming what you truly could and should become!  Enjoy the freedom of a little child, but still controlled by rules that you have studied and with which you fully agree.

You are the Creator

I know some of my religious friends will accuse me of blasphemy for saying this, but if you look beyond the superficial meaning you will see this is true - you ARE the creator.

As it happens, I AM religious and I do believe in God, the Creator.  But I also believe we are each the creator of our own world.  Working in tandem with God we do create the world in which we live.

In what sense?

In a number of ways.

The world around you is simply energy, and it is the way you interpret that energy that determines how that world appears to you.  When I look around me I see God's creation and see that it is very beautiful.  I see the lovely colours.  I hear beautiful sounds - for example the lovely sound of a blackbird singing.  I smell the wonderful perfumes released by so many flowers around me.  I interact with that world and, just like the God of the Old Testament, I see that it is good!

I live in the same world as everyone around me, yet at the same time it is a very different world.  The same energies are there for us all to see, hear, smell, taste and feel.  But we all interpret those energies in different ways.  I choose to see, hear, smell, taste and feel the beauty of the world in which I live.  I see that it is good.  It is very good!  And I always give thanks to God for this wonderful world.  For my Christian readers, remember what St Paul said in 1 Timothy 4:4: "For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving!"  I couldn't put it better!

I join with Louis Armstrong in singing this beautiful song by Bob Thiele and George David Weiss:

I see trees of green, red roses too

I see them bloom for me and you

And I think to myself what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white

The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night

And I think to myself what a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky

Are also on the faces of people going by

I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do

They're really saying I love you

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow

They'll learn much more than I'll never know

And I think to myself what a wonderful world

Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world

So no matter what is happening in my life I am always thankful that I live in a wonderful world.  The same world everyone around me lives in, but where perhaps they see only grey colours, threatening situations, missed opportunities, I see the great beauty of this wonderful world and thank God every day for putting me in it.

That is one way I create my world, by tuning my senses so they recognize the beauty that is all around me, living gratefully for the privilege given to me to live in this beautiful world.  This actually creates the beauty, as beauty is simply in the eye of the beholder.  It is the same energy that surrounds everyone else, but I choose to see and enjoy the beauty.  A choice we all have, but one which far too few make.

I also create my world by choosing with what and with whom I will surround myself.  This, too, is at least partly my choice.  Yes, I recognize it is only partly my choice and that I must accept it is a shared creation.  Others may well control some of what surrounds me.  But I do have some choice here.  I can choose to mix with positive people or negative people.  I choose positive.  I can choose to read and watch beautiful things.  I can choose many of the things I have around me.  I choose to be happy by surrounding myself with things and people that make me happy.  And where I have no choice for some of those things and people I see the beauty in them anyway.

And I create my world by allowing those main choices (the choice of recognizing beauty, being thankful for it, and surrounding myself with all that I enjoy) to attract to me all that is necessary for me to continue to have a better life.  The power of manifestation - yet another way in which I am the creator of my own world.

You are the creator of your world too.  What kind of a world are you creating right now?  Do you look at it and see that it is good?  If not, begin working right now to change that world.  You have the power!  Use it!

Independence Day

As I write this article my friends in the United States are celebrating Independence Day.  The day the then 13 colonies in America chose to throw off the shackles of their colonial masters and instead declare their independence from Great Britain.  Well, perhaps not quite the day that happened.  The Declaration of Independence was issued on July 2nd, not July 4th.  John Adams declared July 2nd would be "the most memorable Epocha in the History of America",  but the final revision of the Declaration was not finalized until July 4th, so July 2nd is not regarded as very important at all.  One could argue, in fact, that the true Independence Day was August 2nd, as that is when most of the signatures were appended to the Declaration.  Or September 3rd, as that is the day in 1783 that the Revolutionary War ended.  Or even November 25th, being the day British troops left with their tails between their legs.  But I guess, given the different possible interpretations of exactly when the United States gained its Independence, the choice of July 4th is as good as any!

But when is your Independence Day?  Not the day your country, wherever it may be, became independent from whichever colonial power tried to insist it was an owned colony rather than a free state.  But the day you personally became independent?  The day you personally freed yourself from shackles and became your own man or woman.  When was that?  Or have you not yet gained your independence?  Is this something for which you must still fight?

Independence from what?  Independence from all the rules that are stopping you from being who you really want to be and achieving what you really want to achieve.

And who imposes those rules on you?  A king in a far off land?  No.  The government in your own land?  No.  Your parents, your spouse, your teacher, your boss?  None of these.  The person who imposes and enforces these restraining rules on you is none other than yourself!

What is stopping you from being who you really want to be?  A voice inside you telling you that it is wrong to want to be that person.  A voice that says it is too difficult.  A voice that says you don't have the right to be that way.  A voice that may have originally arisen because of something your parents, teachers, "friends", or maybe other "authorities" through the subtleties of hidden messages in the books you read and films or dramas you watch on TV.  But a voice that is now a part of you and that is determined to stop you changing in any way.

So in order to become what you want to be, to live the kind of life you want to live, first you must claim your own Independence from the colonial power within you.  The power that arose from somewhere outside of you, but is now an integral inner part of you.  Just as there were many colonials born and living in 18th century America who wanted to maintain the colonial rule of King George III (or, more accurately, of Lord Frederick North, 2nd Earl of Guildford, who was the real power behind the throne).

How do you obtain your own Independence?

First, by recognizing that at the moment you are not a free man or woman.  That there are voices within that do not want you to succeed, that do not want you or your life to change for the better.  Recognizing this is your July 2nd.  A day that will be "the most memorable Epocha in the History of [insert your name here]".  Your John Adams moment.

Second, by drawing your line in the sand.  When you say "enough is enough - I will no longer obey or even listen to this voice!"  Your July 4th moment.

Third, by conducting an ongoing struggle against the parasite within you that does not want you to gain your Independence.

The American Revolutionary War lasted 8 years.  Your Internal Revolutionary War will probably last a lot longer, as you will be fighting not against one colonial power but a multitude of powers.  But do not let this depress you, as your first Independence Day will be a lot earlier than this as long as you write your own Declaration of Independence now.  You will have many wins.  With each win your life will become better.  And with each win you will identify another colonial power whose defeat will allow you to have an even better life.  With each win you will become more powerful, and more able readily to defeat all those inner voices holding you back.

Today is Independence Day.  Your Independence!  Make your Declaration of Independence right now and claim the territory that is rightfully yours!

How to win the game of life

If you are reading this article soon after it is published you may well be following the World Cup of football (which is soccer, for my American friends, not the adaptation of rugby that a Yale rugby player turned into what is now called American Football).  Personally I am not the slightest bit interested in football, but I accept I am in a distinct minority in that regard.

I believe the aim in football is to score as many goals as possible (although perhaps in the case of my team, England, it is to try to avoid as many penalty kicks as possible!)  Achieve lots of goals and you win the game.

It is the same in life.  Winning the game of life is all about achieving as many goals as you can.  Or, rather, as many "right" goals as you can.  Just as in football you can have a wrong goal (please refer to the "offside rule"), so you can in life too.  Although unlike the case in football there is a wide gradation of "right" and "wrong" goals.  You cannot win the game of football by scoring lots of "wrong" goals, and nor can you win the game of life this way either.

Achieving lots of the right goals should not be regarded as putting on lots of pressure and creating lots of stress - which is the way probably most people see it.

Perhaps one good way of looking at this is by comparing it with what you might do on holiday.  What, for you, is the purpose of a holiday, and what constitutes a really good holiday?  Think about this carefully for a few minutes and answer both of those questions as honestly as you can.  Do this before reading any further if possible, as it is best if you complete this exercise before seeing what I say next.

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Many people will have answered that the purpose of a holiday is to rest, to recover so you have lots of energy to carry on with your daily life on your return.  Certainly that would be my answer to the first question.

Many of those same people will then anwer that a really good holiday allows them to see lots of new things and take part in lots of exciting activities.  If you go on a package holiday you will find that the resort is usually designed in such a way as to achieve this.  Typically on the morning after your arrival you will meet with someone whose role is to convince you to go on lots of trips, some of which will probably involve waking up really early in the morning, perhaps earlier than you would normally get up in order to go to work!  Even if you don't book many, or any, of these "exciting" tours, you will probably find the resort will organize lots of sporting and other activities and encourage you to join in them rather than laze by the pool or on the beach.

Or perhaps your idea of a good holiday is the same as the American tourists in the 1969 film "If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium".  Get to see as many countries as possible, without spending enough time to "see" any of them at all!

Now for some people perhaps having a frantically active holiday really does give them rest and recovery.  If so, they are making the right decision by signing up for all those activities that appeal.  But for many others, including me, indulging in so many activities means I don't get the rest and recovery I need.  So I try to ensure I budget plenty of time for just lying back on the beach or beside the pool, and reading some nice (and not particularly sophisticated) novels.

My main goals on holiday are to relax and rest.  If I do plenty of relaxing and resting I have achieved those goals.  As I am married, my goals are also to ensure my wife has a really good time.  Her aims are very different from mine.  She really enjoys lots of activity, seeing new things, having new experiences.  So we DO book a number of the activities the resort tries to sell us.  If we get to see lots of new and interesting things, and have lots of new and interesting experiences, she is happy - and I have then achieved the other goals of the holiday.

This can apply to daily life too.  Perhaps you suffer a lot of stress in your life.  Maybe, if so, a goal could be identifying what causes stress and eliminating as much of this as possible.  It could be removing stress-creating clutter from your life.  It could be simply taking more time out to rest and "smell the roses".  These goals are just as valid as, and perhaps more so than, the goals of people you see zipping around achieving lots of concrete, tangible goals.

Or it may be that you feel you need to earn more money so that you can plan for a future which allows you to do what you want and have less stress.  If so, perhaps starting your own business, and then achieving targets you have set yourself for that business will be the right goals.  But never lose sight of the fact that it is not the money or the business itself that is the goal, but what it will allow you to achieve once you have it.  Be aware that sometimes you can find ways of achieving those "end goals" without having to get more money.  And also be aware that none of us knows how many more years, months, weeks, days, hours of life remain for us.  If you spend your remaining years, months, weeks, days and hours just trying to get the money you need in order to achieve your end goals, then you really haven't achieved any of your goals at all!  Keep under review at all times what your goals are, whether they are real goals, and whether there might be better ways of achieving them than the ways you are currently pursuing.

Please do not take this as a diatribe against acquiring more money.  If you have read many of my articles you will know I am very much in favour of taking actions (the right actions, of course) to acquire more money.  But I am also aware that too many of us, myself included, are in danger of confusing "means" and "ends".  Acquiring more money is always only a means to an end.  If you don't achieve that end, then you haven't really achieved anything at all.

Finally, for anyone reading this who views what I am saying as coming from a very selfish position, achieving goals is not simply about achieving pleasure, gaining things and experiences for yourself without any concern for the happiness or well-being of others.  A good, rounded life plan should have both "self-centred" and "other-centred" goals.  What exactly is meant by "other-centred" is very individual.  In fact, I would go so far as to say it is completely unique to you.  It may include making your family and friends happy in various ways.  In fact it should.  It may also go beyond just making friends and family happy, but making others, including complete strangers, happy as well.  Again, in fact it should.  You may achieve those "non-centred" goals by spending more of your time, more of your money, or perhaps both.

So, to win the game of life you need to score the right goals.  And to score those goals you need to find our where the goal posts are.  Get going now by checking you have the right goals and finding the right ways to achieve them!

You Are Special

Are you special?

Of course you are!  There is absolutely no doubt about that at all.  You are very special!

How did it make you feel when I said that?  Despite the fact that this is a very impersonal conversation - one where neither of us knows anything about the other and we are not talking to each other directly - I am guessing it made you feel good, even if only for a brief moment.

You are special, but not because someone else says or thinks you are.  You are special simply because you are YOU.  There is nobody else quite like you.  There has never been anyone quite like you in the past, and there will never be anyone exactly the same as you in the future.

This is all true.  So true that you shouldn't need me, or anyone else, to confirm it for you.

The trouble is, most of us DO seem to need constant validation of this simple fact.

This can be especially the case in relationships.  You thrive on compliments from your spouse or significant other.  You want them to tell you that you are more beautiful, handsome, caring, intelligent, etc than anyone else.  Perhaps in the first flush of love that is what they truly believed.  But maybe now they don't.  Not because they love you any the less.  They still love you deeply, but no longer need to believe you are more beautiful, handsome, caring, intelligent, etc than anyone else.  They love you for who you really are, not for the projection of what you believe you should be.

That true, deep love is very important.  And it illustrates a deeper, wider lesson.  That you don't have to be "more".  It is enough that you simply are.

You don't have to be "more successful" than others.  It doesn't matter how successful others are.  Well, it does for them, of course, and we should always be pleased for the successes of our friends, colleagues and relatives.  But you do not have to be more successful than them, only as successful as you want to be.

Life is an experience, a beautiful experience, not a competition.  There will always be someone better than you in almost any aspect, any characteristic, any skill.  The purpose of life is not for you to be the best, but simply to be all that you can be.

You don't have to look in the mirror, ask it who the most beautiful person in the world is, and then expect it to answer that you are.  We all know the fairy tale where someone did that.  Look at the damage she caused before she was forced to wear a pair of red hot shoes (and by "hot" I am not referring to how popular they were!) and dance in them until she dropped dead.  You don't want to be the evil queen in Snow White!  And you don't need to be either!

It is enough that you are special and that you know you are special.  That you are talented (even if you haven't developed all those talents yet) and that you know you are talented.  But especially that you are loving and kind and that the world is a better place because you are here.

You are special, very special, but don't go looking for anyone else to confirm that to you.  It is enough simply that you ARE.

Serenity

In the 1930s  Reinhold Niebuhr wrote what has become known as the Serenity Prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."

All three elements of this prayer are important.  Clearly if we see something that should be changed and know how we can change it, then change it we should!  But it is also very important to take proper note of the other two elements.  Recognizing the things we cannot change and accepting them the way they are.

Most of us interpret the world around us far too personally.  We think that everything revolves around us, just as people before Galileo believed the sun revolved around the earth.  So when things are not the way we think they should be, we view this as a personal attack.  Perhaps not consciously, but definitely unconsciously.

This links back to my previous article.  There I discussed how we take the words of others too personally, which then effectively turns those words into magic spells against us.  What others say to us is conditioned by something in them, not in us.

But this also applies to the world around us in general.  Many people see this as a hostile world.  It is not.  It just seems that way to you.  Sometimes bad things happen.  Not because we deserve them.  Not because of something we did or said.  They just happen.  Yes, sometimes they ARE a result of, or at least influenced by, something we did or said.  But often they are not.

It is good to try to identify when something bad (or something good) has resulted from our own actions or words.  If we can see there is a link then we can change our behaviour to make it less likely something bad like this will happen again, or more likely something good like this will happen again.  That is "courage to change the things I can".  But have the "wisdom to know the difference" and recognize that most things are not personally linked in this way.  They just happen.

I happen to believe we all have a lot of power to change the world around us in a very positive way.  If we use that power properly we can achieve great things and have wonderful, happy lives.  But I also know that the things people say to me, the things they do to me, the situations that arise every day which are not the way I want them to be, are mostly nothing to do with me.  They are to do with those other people, and to do with simply the way things are.  They are not personal and I do not take them personally.

If you can really adopt the Serenity Prayer as your own life philosophy I truly believe you can have a much happier and a much more fulfilled life.  Try it!

Reacting to the Word

In my previous article I referred to the power of the Word.  This is an enormous, one could even say magical, power, hence the title "Abracadabra".  So, if someone uses the power of the Word against you, effectively casting a spell on you (whether intentionally or not), what options do you have?  How can you protect yourself from this spell?  What shield do you have to reflect the spell away from you?

Some would say you have three options:  accept, ignore or challenge.  My position is that actually you only have two: accept or challenge.  You cannot simply ignore it, as that is really a subtle way of accepting.

Imagine I come up to you and say "You are stupid!".  How would you react to this?

If you are like most people your first reaction will be anger, or at least annoyance.  Your first thought will probably be something like "How dare you say this!".  Probably you feel that is a reaction of challenge.  You are angry with the statement because you know it is false.  I disagree with this analysis and would go as far as to say this reaction is an acceptance of the basic underlying premise.  You agree, somewhere below your conscious thinking, that you are stupid, or at least that there is some stupidity within you, and you then become angry with the other person for exposing this stupidity.  So you are accepting the negative magic spell they are casting against you.

Your next reaction may then be a "tit for tat", telling them they are ..... - fill in the magic word here.  If you already know them, you may find some aspect of their personality that offends you.  If you do not know them, you may simply respond in kind with something like "You are stupid too!".

I am reminded of the apocryphal quote supposedly from Winston Churchill.  The Labour MP, Bessie Braddock (or the Conservative, Lady Astor, depending on which version you read) apparently said to Winston "Sir!  You are disgustingly drunk!", to which Winston replied "My dear, you are disgustingly ugly!  But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly!".  A very clever, if somewhat ungallant, riposte.  And one which, if delivered to Lady Astor, was in my view patently untrue.  But note it begins with an acceptance of the original statement.  Winston was not refuting that he was drunk (although a number of versions of this story suggest he wasn't drunk at all, but just tired - which might explain the uncharacteristic lack of gallantry).  His bite back at the accuser acknowledged the truth of what she said and then continued with something even more uncomplimentary about her.  It was also a very negative thing to do.  He was accepting the barb of her negative statement, allowing the spell she cast to find its mark, and then casting an even more negative spell back at her.  The damage he did, if this story is true, quite probably lasted a lifetime.  A truly evil magic spell.

So my position is that the usual "challenge" to unkind words is not a challenge at all.  But what about simply ignoring them?  If you are an accomplished Zen practitioner, if you are close to achieving the state of Nirvana, then you could completely ignore those words as irrelevant.  Personally I am not close to achieving the state of Nirvana, and I know that if I choose to ignore unkind things that are said to me I will be complicit in accepting them.  I will be helping the "evil magician" to cast his or her spell.

In that case, how do you challenge these magic spells that constantly afflict you?

You challenge them by recognizing that the words are not about you at all.  They are entirely about the person who speaks them.  That person doesn't truly know you, even if they are a close friend or family member.  The only person who really knows you is YOU.

Jesus referred to this in a powerful challenge in Matthew chapter 7.  He said:

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite!  First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

When others say nasty things to me I feel sad.  Not for myself, but for them.  What they are saying shows that they have a problem.  I don't have that problem - they do.  I challenge what they say firstly by knowing that their unkind words are expressing some weakness, some fault inside them.  And then I affirm the opposite of what they say.  Not out loud.  I am not trying to start or continue an argument.  What that person says is completely irrelevant to me, but I am not going to encourage them to repeat or expand it by being drawn into argument.

If they "You are stupid!" I affirm "I am full of wisdom!".  Note I would never respond with "I am not stupid!".  Focussing on the negative in this way gives it power.  Notice my choice of words - I "affirm".  Just as in your daily affirmations you (hopefully) use to reach your goals through manifestation, you choose to focus on the positive, not the negative.

From now on, choose not to accept the burdens so many people around you try to lay on you with their choice of words.  Recognize that what they say has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  If you do this, and if you use their verbal negative attacks as an opportunity to affirm the positives, you will be completely protected from the magical spells that so unnecessarily hurt almost everyone else around you.